Relationship Advice

Re: Relationship Advice

• catsareniice1 member

  

  July 2014

  I hope I am wrong but my ex husband started picking fights over nothing when he decided to start cheating on me. Are you noticing any other different behaviors (lateness, not caring about household needs, showering more than usual)?

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• kristinark member

  

  July 2014 edited April 2015

  {}#%^*+

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• doeydo member

  

  July 2014

  Whoa, this is not OK.  IMO, you two need to go to couples counselling and work on your communication and find out why he is being such an asshole or you should leave him.

  
  

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• GilliC member

  

  July 2014

  I agree that counseling sounds like it could be a huge help. Communication issues are hard to address on your own, especially when the problem has gotten this far. Also, it sounds like he has some passive-aggressive tendencies in his communication, and there's virtually no way you're going to be able to address those without putting him on the defensive.

  
  

  In the meantime, I would talk to him some time when you're not already arguing and tell him that you do struggle to make decisions and you realize that you don't always clearly express them when you do. Tell him that you do want to improve, and it would be a huge help to you if he could just point out when you're not being clear or decisive. Assure him that you won't take offense to it and ask that he appreciate that you're trying to improve and be sensitive in the way he brings it up.

  
  

  You can improve on your side, and that might help a lot, but you can't fix him. This is where the counseling could really help.

  

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• TarponMonoxide member

  

  July 2014

  kristinark said:

  Any advice would be greatly appreciated......here goes... We have been together for about 10 years, married for almost 6 years and have a 2 year old. We both work full time. We seem to argue about stupid stuff every weekend! He seems to get extremely irritated with me over the littlest things each day! For a good 6 months now. He seems to get upset with me when I ask his opinion about something! He says I need to make decisions & not always make him to make the decisions!?! I don't even realize what I am doing, nor do I feel like I am even asking him to make a decision. I feel I am just having a discussion or just talking things out! Yesterday he was upset with me after I asked him what time we should leave for an event we were going to! He snapped that I know where the event is and how long we need to get there. I reminded him that as we discussed earlier there were several other events in the area going on & traffic would be heavy, so I was just asking to make sure we were on the same page. He started ignoring me and just saying what do you think after anything I said....almost child like obviously to annoy me. This eventually turned into the silent treatment. Which lasted until we were walking into the event, then he apologized & just said he was cranky. I told him this was not acceptable and that I felt very disrespected. Then this evening we had briefly talked about going to a festival...but blew off those plans due to impending weather. I decided to go to the grocery, I asked him if he wanted to, he agreed. While leaving we talked to our neighbors who were heading to the festival. After they left he said do you want to go? I responded well we could go or we could go to the grocery real quick, then head to the festival.....he snapped again that I can't make a decision! In my mind clearly I had made a decision to go to the grocery, but was willing to change if that's what he wanted. Which I explained to him. But he snapped I told you what I wanted.... I said no you asked me what I wanted.....and I answered you with a compromise. Again this turned to the silent treatment. We went to the grocery store and returned home, still ignoring each other! Gosh this was really long.....so sorry. After each event like this he apologizes and says he was just cranky. I am just fed up with this I don't feel like I am doing anything wrong! I mean don't most couples argue b/c they don't ask their spouse for their opinion?!

  He's a real bundle of laughs, your H.
  
  What is he, about 5 or 6? "Sorry but I was cranky"? The silent treatment???
  
  This BS has to go.
  
  Talk to him and tell him flat out his behavior is unacceptable and he is to stop making you walk on eggs.
  
  I suggest a counselor, just for the fights issue.
  

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• Erikan73 member

  

  July 2014

  I agree that there needs to be some sort of communication. Like why is he so cranky & have such a short fuse? Is he not sleeping well, is he working more hours, is there stress at work? Does he need a snickers? lol...but seriously, my husband and I actually have a name for it. When we get hungry we'll get cranky and irriitable, we call it angry husband & angry wife. It usually comes on after a really busy day or after work. So we just leave that person alone until after we eat & then things are back to normal. Else things would get ugly. Once you figure out what is causing his crankiness, you have a starting point on where to go from & what changes will need to be done to improve your situation.

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• GilliC member

  

  July 2014

  Erikan73 said:

  I agree that there needs to be some sort of communication. Like why is he so cranky & have such a short fuse? Is he not sleeping well, is he working more hours, is there stress at work? Does he need a snickers? lol...but seriously, my husband and I actually have a name for it. When we get hungry we'll get cranky and irriitable, we call it angry husband & angry wife. It usually comes on after a really busy day or after work. So we just leave that person alone until after we eat & then things are back to normal. Else things would get ugly. Once you figure out what is causing his crankiness, you have a starting point on where to go from & what changes will need to be done to improve your situation.

  

  

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