QOTD 7/29

minionlover · July 2014

On the radio this morning they were discussing how much you should give for a wedding gift. Two DJs said give what you can and the other (who is getting married next month) said a guest is "MORALLY OBLIGATED" to give a gift that equals the cost of the dinner plate.

And discuss...

ramstein1027 · July 2014

I think this really depends on the part of the country you're from. My friends from NYC and DC always give around $100, but my Midwest friends are more in the $50 range. We usually do $50 for people we don't know too well and $100 for close family members and friends.

goatlady12 · July 2014

I don't think, on any level, it is ok to expect a gift ever. I always try to give at least the amount mine and DH's dinners cost. If it's a close friend I give $100, if not I go by the plate rule. If I get a dance only I'll bring like a $15 gift card or a bottle of wine. (Dance only invites are super common in my area.) I think what you choose to give as a gift is personal, and there is no moral obligation. People in the wedding party definitely should not feel obligated to give anything.

catwine · July 2014

i think it depends on a lot of factors: where you live, your relationship to the couple, what you can afford, what generation you're from.

Most of our guests gave us wedding gifts from our registry that cost between $50-100, but there were some older guests who went above and beyond and gave the expensive gifts. But the guests who were our age gave us $50 cash, which is what we usually give for weddings.

I think since some reception dinners aren't very expensive that may not be a good guide for gift giving. Our plates cost $30 each, but the food was amazing!

ramstein1027 · July 2014

I agree I definitely don't think gifts are a requirement. And I hate being told when people want cash. Of course you'd like cash, we'd all love cash! Geez

brainybrunette · July 2014

I never give less than $100 for a wedding. Weddings are expensive where we're from...our wedding cost $110 a plate (everything was included, open bar, cake, etc), and most of our guests gave us at least $100. I believe in giving what you can, but I also keep the cost of my plate in mind.

mana8503 · July 2014

We live in a hcol area so we usually give $100-150, depending on our relationship with the couple. I do try to cover our plates if we can afford it. But like pp said, I don't feel like it should be expected. If the couple couldn't afford it then they should have choose a venue they could.

We tried to give $100 to H's neice and her mom and MIL yelled and said it was too much. I thought I was considering the col by not giving $150, but I guess $50 is a lot in western NC.

ramstein1027 · July 2014

goatlady12 said:

I don't think, on any level, it is ok to expect a gift ever. I always try to give at least the amount mine and DH's dinners cost. If it's a close friend I give $100, if not I go by the plate rule. If I get a dance only I'll bring like a $15 gift card or a bottle of wine. (Dance only invites are super common in my area.) I think what you choose to give as a gift is personal, and there is no moral obligation. People in the wedding party definitely should not feel obligated to give anything.

I've never heard of dance only! In my mind, I picture it as "You may come to my reception, and dance only. No food or drinks. Dance, monkey, dance!"

DanaOcNy · July 2014

I think you should give what you can afford. I did not expect any gifts (of course they are greatly appreciated lol) and can not tell you if someone showed up empty handed to our wedding. The few who gave little I knew it was what they could afford and that was OK with me. My sister is the complete opposite of me and still now talks about those who did not at least cover there plate at her wedding (she's kinda of bitch lol)

@minionlover‌ I'm assuming you are talking about Bill?

islandmonkey8 · July 2014

We give whatever we can afford and also base it on who it is. Friends/Non-immediate family $150-$200. Very close friends and immediate family $250+.

LDubHawksFan · July 2014

I don't think they are ever required and the whole pay for your plate thing is crap. You should give what you are comfortable with, based on your own financial place, your relationship and whether you are traveling for the wedding.

goatlady12 · July 2014

ramstein1027 said:

goatlady12 said:

I don't think, on any level, it is ok to expect a gift ever. I always try to give at least the amount mine and DH's dinners cost. If it's a close friend I give $100, if not I go by the plate rule. If I get a dance only I'll bring like a $15 gift card or a bottle of wine. (Dance only invites are super common in my area.) I think what you choose to give as a gift is personal, and there is no moral obligation. People in the wedding party definitely should not feel obligated to give anything.

I've never heard of dance only! In my mind, I picture it as "You may come to my reception, and dance only. No food or drinks. Dance, monkey, dance!"

mrshall1027 · July 2014

Gifts are definitely not a requirement but we always give a gift of around $100 - $150 for whoever is getting married, close friend/family or not. I never really thought of covering the cost of our meal with the gift we give; I just figured $150 was a decent amount for a gift.

mpjf1001 · July 2014

islandmonkey8 said:

We give whatever we can afford and also base it on who it is. Friends/Non-immediate family $150-$200. Very close friends and immediate family $250+.

this

minionlover · July 2014

@DanaOcNy‌ - you heard that this morning on K104?!?! I couldn't believe what he was saying.

For those who are wondering the "moral obligation" DJ said that if you can't afford to give a gift of at least the cost of your plate you should decline the invitation. He said that weddings are expensive and it's the only way for the bride and groom to recoup the expenses.

Anyway...DH and I have not been to any weddings since we have been together with the exception of BIL. I'll be honest and say that we didn't give a gift because of all of the expenses incurred with DH being a groomsman. Otherwise we would give what we could afford.

xxjen015 · July 2014

I've never heard of the "cost of the plate" rule, but I've also never been to very many weddings. The few we've been to were before we actually had career type jobs and were both paid crap hourly wages, so we gave what we could. I think what we gave would depend on how close we are with the couple.

consciousdear88 · July 2014

I've heard of the whole "cost of plate" rule, but have never known anyone else to abide by it.

H and I have only gone to two weddings since getting married. The one, we just got lumped in with his parents' gift so I have no idea how much they gave.

The other was for two of our good friends. We gave them $100 I believe.

In my opinion, I do believe a lot factors in as to how much is given. I know with our friends, we were a bit more generous since they were in our wedding and we knew finances were snug for them.

DanaOcNy · July 2014

@minionlover‌ I did not hear it this morning but he has had that argument many times before!

brainybrunette · July 2014

I'll add that a bride and groom should NEVER expect to recoup the cost of a wedding in the gifts that they receive. It's there decision how much they spend on their wedding, and it shouldn't be expected that the guests will cover the costs. I have used the "cost of the plate" rule as a guideline, but H and I always give what we can afford. A bit more if it's close family or friends, a little less for those who we aren't so close with or if we had to pay a ton for travel.

sjs1013 · July 2014

I guess I follow the "cost of plate" rule without actually following it. When I was single, if I went to a wedding without a date, I gave around $150, depending on who was getting married.

As a couple, we give between $250 and $300, depending on who is getting married and where it is. For my brother, I gave a lot more. I gave almost as much as I did to my brother to a close friend who got married right before H and I. I was in her bridal party. I may not have given as much to her if I weren't able to though.

I didn't expect gifts from anyone at the wedding, but MIL was obsessed with it. Her nephew and cousin did not give gifts and she actually called her sister and aunt to tell them. I was mortified when she said she wanted to call them and I asked her not to, but she did anyway. She is very tit for tat for when it comes to things like that. I did receive a card from everyone except one of my friends. I was hurt that she didn't give me a card. I knew her traveling to my wedding was my gift, and that was fine, but she could have folded a piece of paper in half and written congratulations on it.

islandmonkey8 · July 2014

Also, in my area, cost per plate averages $125/head. I've been to weddings that were about $75/head and weddings that were $250+ a head. I think if you're expecting to recoup your costs, you're getting married and having a reception for the WRONG reason.

catwine · July 2014

goatlady12 said:

I don't think, on any level, it is ok to expect a gift ever. I always try to give at least the amount mine and DH's dinners cost. If it's a close friend I give $100, if not I go by the plate rule. If I get a dance only I'll bring like a $15 gift card or a bottle of wine. (Dance only invites are super common in my area.) I think what you choose to give as a gift is personal, and there is no moral obligation. People in the wedding party definitely should not feel obligated to give anything.

Yep, big here too. I thought it was just acceptable to do that in my area.

snuff9861 · July 2014

I give about $100 usually, no matter close friend or family.

QOTD 7/29

Re: QOTD 7/29

Choose Another Board

Search Boards