Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Help! Need opinions - to date or not to date??
My best friend is trying to fix me up with a man who she said seems very nice. She told me his name so I went to his FB page to see what he's about (if we might be compatible and check to see if I know anyone he knows).
While clicking on a few of the people, I came across a couple of slutty looking women with very odd profiles. The both had links to sex chat stuff. They're listed as his friends. She said he doesn't seem like he is a bad guy but this make me wonder if he might be a womanizer. I also say a link to hot or not. He liked the page and the app as well. Maybe no big deal?? I also saw that he plays gambling games online or liked the pages. Again, maybe no big deal? My ex gambled my money away and cheated on me so I am just trying to be cautious checking people out before I meet them whenever possible.
If you were me would you go forward with meeting him based on what she is telling me or would you be leary of this man based on what I happen to stumble upon?
Edited to add: She said he is very nice, charismatic and thinks we would be compatible.
Re: Help! Need opinions - to date or not to date??
As for the women, I have some friends with slutty Facebook pics who are engineering colleagues, so I'm not inclined to judge. If they happen to be professional phone sex operators, would that bother you? (Assuming at some point you had a chat with him about Facebook privacy and how maybe a future employer or business contact might be turned off by his inability to keep his private life private).
I'd go out with him and see what he's all about. We're so into checking people out online nowadays that we forget the person we see online is not necessarily the same individual in person. It's not like you were perusing a dating profile where he (hopefully) would have put his best foot forward - FB is a totally different animal.
Of your examples I wouldn't be bothered by any of them. For one, you can't judge the guy by a couple women he might have friended on his page. I've got acquaintances on my friends list who aren't reflective of my own personal values at all - hell some of them are my family! And really, liking Hot or Not or playing an online gambling game don't really provide you any definitive insight into this guy's personality at all.
It's good to be cautious, you should always be cautious of anybody you're going out with for the first time, but I would not form a negative opinion of someone based on the "evidence" you've presented here.
The bigger question I'd be asking is, do you trust your friend as a good judge of character? I have two very very close friends - one whose opinion I would have trusted setting me up on a blind date and one whose opinion I would not have trusted. If you trust her opinion then give the guy a shot and go out on a date with him.
Meet him somewhere for drinks and appetizers. That should be fine. if you like the guy, exchange phone numbers and names and addresses.:) I am old school that way.:)
Another vote to go out with him & see how it goes. You've got some real concerns, don't ignore them , but don't let them ruin a chance at something great. Like it was said, maybe he is one of those "Likes" everything people.
In speaking to him I learned that he smokes weed on occasion. More than he's admitting I can tell. My ex husband smoked it and it caused a lot of problems. Personally, I hate the s#it! He also mentioned that he is not perfect and can have a temper. He stated this MANY times.
He told me several stories of beating someone up or threatening people supposedly in defense??? He said he threw something at a cat because there was a cat bothering his cat. Makes me wonder.
Finally, he told me he got in trouble at work once for telling a sexual joke. I learned all this in a matter of two and a half hours.
I think I should stay away. He wants me to meet his mom on Monday at a cookout. Wayyyy too soon. Not normal imo.
Thoughts?
He told me he's said so not so colorful words in fights to his wife (who now passed away). Oh and he punched a wall when he and his wife were fighting once and threw something at her.
I think he asked me one question about me in the entire time interacting with him. it was all about him.
He also keeps stating how much he likes me. How wowed he is by me. He is coming on way too strong. Usually a sign of an abusive man. He does not seem too interested in what I have to say either.
When I told him I didn't feel comfortable having him pick me up, he sounded a bit offended and said, "Well, I hope you can trust me someday." He was trying to make me feel bad.
What should I say to him? The truth?? Should I just be honest and say the fact that you smoke weed does not sit well with me? If he has a temper I want to be careful of what I say.
Should I say something else?
I also tested him. When I told him about a story of an ex raising his arm at me and that I broke up for good after the incident. He didn't say anything. NOTHING! It was like I was talking to myself. I expected some response like "good for you."
In conversation, I mentioned that people need to lift each other up in relationships. Again, no response.
He barely asked me any questions, yet claims to like me sooo much and wants to introduce me to this one and that one. Odd I think.
Yeah I suppose I can just leave it at the weed/tell him we're too different. I'm hoping he doesn't call me today as he said he would. He was not too happy when I said I like to take my own car the first couple of times going out with someone.
No. My friend had no idea about the weed or fighting/temper issues. She's a very sane-minded good friend who hates weed and knows I do too.
After the first post, I thought you might just be nervous, but since you keep finding things that turn you off, I'm wondering why you're still considering it. Especially since you already had reservations. You don't want to go out with him? Don't go out with him! Why does it seem like you're looking for validation?
(Seriously, I'm not trying to be mean, but I get the feeling there are some underlying issues at play here.)
You're right I guess I am looking for validation because a good friend of mine tried to set me up not knowing he's a loon. I've decided not to take a chance with this guy. I'd rather be single than with a possible psycho.
I ended up telling him that something personal arose so I don't have time for new friendships or time to date anyone. I figure it's the best thing to say in case he is weird/dangerous.
Yes. Sort of. The man I am speaking about now was searched out by a good friend. He's a guy she's encountered quite a bit that she thought seemed nice and good for me. Unfortunately, she is wrong. Glad I learned he's a loon in conversation before a real date.
The other guy (last winter/early spring) was someone who started talking to me through FB because we shared a mutual friend. I am not a fan of meeting men online (why this friend thought she found a great guy for me).