Family Matters
prettyt
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Brother in law getting married on our anniversary weekend
I need an outside opinion. My brother in law told my husband in late June that he was planning on getting married in October. My husband asked him to please not do it on Columbus Day weekend because it is our anniversary and we have plans. A week or two later he told my husband that was when he is getting married and he wants him to be the best man. When I got the save the date in mid July I asked him why he had to get married on that day. His only response was that I'm being mean and he's not being selfish, but just trying to make himself happy. Then at a family reunion his cousin asked if we had gotten married on Columbus Day weekend and he said no! He flat out lied! He is certainly entitled to get married whenever he wants, but to attack me and lie about it is a little too much. It's not like we can have a seperate trip either because he chose a place where the hotel will cost $400. Am I crazy for being upset?
Re: Brother in law getting married on our anniversary weekend
Yes, you are crazy. You don't get to tell everyone you know that they can't ever get married on the weekend because it's YOUR anniversary. You got ONE day in ONE year. That's it. You don't get that day from here on out.
Is he wrong to lie? Sure. But you all were wrong to ask him and actually expect them to not get married that weekend.
I also got married that weekend. BECAUSE it's a 3 day weekend for some people. It's going to be a popular weekend for that reason. And guess what? We went to a wedding the following year (OH NO!!! OUR ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!) that same weekend. Didn't think twice about it. Actually used it as an excuse to take a fun vacation at the same time.
To follow on Ilumine too- he also has his FIs family to take into consideration. Picking a wedding date can be hard. As you should know. There are so many factors and people to take into consideration. The idea that we can't pick the same weekend as someone else because it's their anniversary.... um, yeah, that would probably end up making it IMPOSSIBLE to find a date. Every weekend is going to be someone's "anniversary weekend".
Again- Columbus Day weekend is a 3 day weekend for some people. They may have picked it (as I did) for that reason.
This isn't all about you.
And if it's THAT much of a hardship, then skip their wedding. You do have that option too. And it's a chance THEY take when planning a wedding in a somewhat short timeframe.
Your BIL gave you short notice and asked your DH to be best man on a weekend when he KNEW you has plans. That stinks, and he was a jerk to lie about it to other family members.
Why is this such a travesty and crime that his wedding is on your anniversary???
This is just plain stupid --- and you cannot dictate when somebody marries and it wasn't cool to ask him not to get married on your anniversary.
As somebody pointed out, you know there are constraints and availability and what is in a couple's price range ---- and there is also a price factor attached to any wedding. Also the weather factor. And when you are planning on very short notice, those factors are multiplied infinitely.
Find another hotel that is cheaper and take a cab or rent a car to get to the reception. It is no big deal.
That being sad, if you let him know in advance that you would be unavailable that weekend and he still chose to have the wedding that weekend, then he has no right to be upset if you decline to attend. It's that simple. The whole point of checking with your VIPs (like your brother/best man) about dates is to make sure the people you want at your wedding can be there. If you schedule your wedding on dates they have already said they can't make you better be prepared for them not to attend.
Whether or not you end up cancelling your plans and attending it was just as rude for them to expect you to do so in order to attend their wedding as it was for you to suggest they change the date or question why they chose it.