Family Matters
AdMom0129
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Co-parenting troubles, need advice
Hi all -- I'm new here, but in need of advice.
The background:
I am a step-mom to a wonderful 12y/o boy and have been for 9 years. In that time, I have never been able to forge a co-parenting relationship with his mother. She will not communicate with me so every transaction goes through my husband, which has been palatable because my relationship w/ my step-son is very strong. We are due to have our first baby together (my step son's 3rd younger sibling as his mom has 2 others from another later relationship) and she has decided that my step son doesn't need to have a relationship w/ his baby brother or any of his other relatives on his dad's side for that matter. I should also note that my step son is very happy about his baby brother to be and has helped me this summer w/ brainstorming names, getting the room ready etc.
The problem:
She told us just the other day that for us to see my step-son, my husband needs to take off work for the duration of the visit (she lives 6 hours away so visits are long weekends, holiday breaks and summer) or we won't get him since he should be w/ his dad 100% of the time during the visit and never w/ other relatives.
This isn't financially feasible and I really don't see the issue in spending some of that time with me, his many aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents who all live in close proximity to us. This has never been an issue prior to our pregnancy. I guess I don't understand where she is coming from -- could this be an old wound? Maybe she hasn't gotten over my husband after all this time or she's struggling w/ happiness in her world at this time. I just don't know, but I don't feel like letting her withhold him from his dad and loving family members is the answer.I really don't want to involve courts again or take any steps that would make it hard on my stepson, but I know his relationships with both sides of his family are equally important.
Any advice on how to have my husband approach the issue with her?
Re: Co-parenting troubles, need advice
She is to be civil to you, she is not to use the kiddo as a middle man and she is to comply with the visitation/cutody agreement. End of story.
There's nothing you can do about the flexibility not being reciprocated. Unfortunately, you can't control it. It sounds like your husband and you are trying to do what's in the best interest of the child, but his mother is being vengeful. I get it- been there done that and it sucks. This will probably always be the case, so you just need to come to terms with it.