Buying A Home
MrT723
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Unpleasant neighbor
I wasn't sure what area to post this in but I need advice!
We bought our home in spring 2013 right after our wedding. The neighbor next door is an older woman, maybe in her 60s, who has lived in the neighborhood for maybe 10 years. Previously we would say hi and make small talk about the weather and whatnot when we would see each other and everything was pleasant. Then a couple of months ago we had an issue. There is a open-pipe that runs right on the property line that had leaves in it but water was still able to flow. One evening we had a really heavy rain storm while my husband and I were out at Home Depot. When we got home we noticed the rain had forced the leaves out of the pipe and into our yard and the neighbor's yard. It was still wet out so we decided to deal with it the next day.
So the next day, Saturday, my husband went out and cut the grass. He used the bag to collect everything and just went over the leaves with it to suck them up rather than picking them up by hand. This was late morning. Afterwards he was going around and weed whacking along the pipe area where it's hard to use the lawn mower. The neighbor came out onto her porch and yelled at him to not throw leaves into her yard. He thought she was kidding because who would do something like that? And she said that he had thrown the leaves into her yard using the weed whacker and that she had seen him. He told her that it had been from the rain the night before and she said he was lying. We were both dumbfounded and just kind of looked at her. I told her we hadn't been home when it happened and it was like that when we got back, and my husband told her that he had run our leaves over with the mower and she continued to say we were lying and that she had seen my husband do it. She insisted we help her pick up the leaves and just to appease her, my husband did. The whole time she was carrying on, being very condescending, and saying that she will be the best neighbor we ever have if we keep our things on our side and out of her yard. (At this point we could've mentioned her weeds which are so tall that they hang over into our yard but we didn't).
Since then we haven't really seen her outside until yesterday when I had our puppy (who we've had since December) out in the back yard. The puppy and I were playing and then she spotted the neighbor and started barking until I told her to stop. The neighbor then said (not very nicely), "He better not bite me!" and I told her that she is friendly and doesn't leave our yard. She then was muttering things under her breath that I couldn't hear.
At this point I am so frustrated with her. She seems to hold a grudge for something we didn't do! I feel so uncomfortable every time I see that she's outside and just am on edge. I don't want to have to feel this way in my own home/yard. We eventually would like to put up a fence but don't have the money right now. We try to be nice but like I said, I just don't want to feel like this in my own home. Does anyone have any advice or experience in a similar situation? If not, thanks just for letting me vent 
Re: Unpleasant neighbor
Unfortunately, you can't control her behavior, only how you react to it. You have already done all you could about explaining what happened and that leaves were not thrown on her property by you all, but shes chooses to be an unhappy person. As crazy as it sounds, there are a lot of people in this world who are happiest when they are complaining and feeling smug about "how they're in the right even though they've been so wronged."
I had an ex-b/f's mother who was like this and, while I was dating him, had to deal with her and her backhanded compliments and snide remarks ALL THE TIME. I suggest you handle her the same way I dealt with this woman. I was super sweet and polite. I would "play dumb" and pretend her backhanded compliments were actually compliments. I would briefly answer her snide remarks as if she was asking an actual question or making an actual statement and then change the subject. My favorite. Her (looking pointedly at my figure), "You should really get out and start running. It's so healthy and helps with weight loss." She was an avid runner herself and, no, I was never talking about losing weight first the many times we had this exact same conversation. Me, said with a smile and sweet tone, "Oh no, running is my least favorite form of exercise. But I do aerobics 3-4x/week. You're so sweet to be worrying about me, but my health is fine."
Still be friendly and wave hi. Even if she doesn't wave back or makes a face at you. Don't be defensive at all. Acknowledge whatever she says and then respond...once...to any rude statement she makes and say it with an upbeat, neighborly tone. Like, "Oh gosh, Ms. Crabbypants! I'm sorry you've been worrying our dog might bite you. I'm so glad you said something. Let me assure you she is super friendly and has never shown any aggressive tendencies." And if she wants to grumble under her breath, totally ignore it and pretend you don't hear it.
Do you have a receipt from Home Depot. If so = time stamp of purchase. Cross reference with weather report for when storm went through usually those thing are down to the minute. There's your proof you weren't home.
I know this sounds petty, but it would honestly clear your name and might give you a chance to clear up the issue with the leaves and get back to square one.
Or, it could totally back fire and then you'd be in the same place you are now.
Either way, watch out for this lady.