XP: Working Opposite Shifts

IAmSherlocked · August 2014

Hi Guys, life has kept me away from TN for a bit but I was hoping I could vent and maybe get some advice from anyone who works opposite shifts from their spouse. Cliff notes at bottom because I know this is super long.

DH works for a large company and he works the night/swing shift from 4pm-1:30am Monday-Friday, so he leaves for work at about 3pm and gets home around 2:30 in the morning. Originally we moved halfway across the country for this new job and he worked days, but then they went through a few rounds of layoffs and moved people around to different departments/shifts so as to keep as many people as possible. He's been working nights for almost 2 years now (it was supposed to be just a temporary thing), and I feel like I'm going crazy. He's put his name on the list to be transferred back to day shift because technically he has seniority over some people on that shift so he is supposed to be given priority, but each time he's asked about it they say if he does get put back on days it probably won't be until sometime next summer. His schedule makes it hard to do much of anything together...he goes to bed around 6am and wakes up around 1pm-2pm, at which point I make breakfast (well lunch for me) and we share a meal together. That's about the only time DH and I see each other any more. I've given up trying to get him to do anything on the weekends because he sleeps in later and then claims he had a hard week at work and he just wants to stay home, while I've been in the house all week and want nothing more than to get out and do something. So on the weekends I usually go shopping (and spend money I probably shouldn't, lol) or just drive down to the park to get myself out of the house.

Meanwhile I work from home for a company that requires me to work 8-5 M-F (although in reality I'm on call/working until about 7pm because that is when their office closes since they're in a different time zone). Lately I've been finding myself getting really lonely and bored. It's hard to make friends working from home, and the only people I really know around here are wives of DH's coworkers (who really only seem to want to hang out when our husband's are around). I'm just so sick of being home alone all the time--it's gotten to the point that I've started looking for possible job opportunities so that at least I'd be in an office with other people but the only things I've found pay about half of what I'm making by working from home and would be at least an hour commute. I've tried going to the gym to meet people or trying to meet some of the people that live in our neighborhood but no luck (I had befriended a neighbor at the apartment complex we lived at when we first moved here, but she has since moved to another state).

I guess I'm just wondering what those of you who work opposite shifts do to spend time with each other? Any tips for not getting lonely while you're eating dinner alone or cleaning up from dinner by yourself again for the millionth time or how to make friends after you've moved to a new place? I seriously need some human interaction--I'm afraid I'm becoming a crazy cat lady by staying at home and talking to my pets all day!

Cliff notes: DH works nights, and I work at home during the daytime. We rarely see each other because of our schedules, and since I work from home I've been having a hard time meeting new people around here so I usually just end up staying at home alone. Just wondering if anyone has any tips or suggestions on how to make this whole opposite shift thing work out.

Thanks for any tips and for letting me vent!

Wulfgar · August 2014

I know it was hard for me and my ex when I was working either 2nd or 3rd shift and going to college full time.

What you may have to do is what I did when I was living in Oklahoma, I gave the company 2 years like I promised then quit my job and moved back to be near friends and family. I took a huge pay hit for a number of years doing this but I am a lot happier.

smbenevides1989 · August 2014

Currently, H and I work opposite shifts, but he works third while I work first. I work a 730-4 shift (but I still work 35-45 minutes away, so I don't get home until 5 ish) while DH works 1030PM-800AM every night (and he needs to leave the house at 930 PM). He also trains at a gym twice a week from 6-8 and coaches at another gym from 6-9. He puts our DD to bed, walks the dog for me and then he's out the door. I know how you feel about feeling lonely. It's a tough compromise since he likes nights better than days. What we do is take 1-2 nights together where we don't do anything other than going out to grocery shop or out to eat as a family or even just sit on the couch and watch a quick show.

But I will say this. He does need to make a compromise at least on the weekends to do something with you. It's not fair to you to have a one sided marriage. Even if it's just an extra hour on a Saturday, or every other saturday, at least it's something more than what you are getting right now. Just be honest with him and hopefully he will see your side.

What I suggest for you though is to definitely find a hobby. I took up cake decorating classes at a local Michael's Craft Store. Each course is 4 weeks, and I took 4 different classes with the same group of women. It was fun just to get out of the house and try something new. They also have jewelry making, painting, quilting? (maybe that's more Joann's Fabric), and knitting/crocheting. Maybe do some volunteer work? Going to a dog park... the opportunities are endless.

strickland8052 · August 2014

That sounds awful! I can see where working from home and having a husband who works nights could be very frustrating. My husband works from like 7 pm to 2 am some nights, and I hate it. Your husband's shift sounds even worse!

I definitely recommend getting a hobby. I'm training for a half marathon, and it has led me to meet so many great people. In the past, I've also met new friends by doing some volunteer work. Find something that appeals to you, preferably something you could do away from home on week nights and in the morning on Saturday and Sunday.

Maybe if you find a hobby to get you out of the house more, you won't be so anxious to get out of the house on weekends. Then you and hour hubby could maybe find an at-home activity to do in the afternoons on Saturday and Sunday.

mana8503 · August 2014

I work 7a-430p. H is a trucker and leaves anywhere from 830p to 2a, mostly 14 hour days, so usually home by lunch but he sleeps in the truck 1-2 nights a week. This is his busy season so he's also working 13 of 14 days.

When he's home, he sleeps until I get home (530p) and he gets up to eat dinner with me. I go back to bed with him around 8 (I read) so he feels better getting a nap before he leaves. By Friday he's beat and will sleep through dinner, which is fine. He works Friday night, so Saturday he gets home naps and we try to do something together. He sleeps Saturday night, and Sunday we do house stuff (groceries, etc). I know he sacrifices sleep time for me and I appreciate it so very much.

I think your H need to give you one of the weekend days with quality time going and doing something. In the winter, we sometimes just walk around the mall to get out of the house. I couldn't do it if I were alone/ stuck in the house all weekend too.

IAmSherlocked · August 2014

Thanks all, it's nice to know we're not the only ones struggling with this. I think I was just super frustrated yesterday and needed to vent. DH brought me flowers and I woke up to breakfast in bed today, so he knows I was feeling crappy. It was a nice surprise.

I'll definitely look into taking some classes somewhere. I haven't seen much that works with my work schedule, but I can probably do something on the weekends while DH is at home, or sleeping.

Thanks again everyone!

XP: Working Opposite Shifts

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