Getting Pregnant
ldawngirl
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
BFF carrying my child
I have medical complications that mean having a
healthy baby naturally would be very difficult. My BFF and I have
jokingly talked about her and my DH having s** and her carrying the
child and then giving it to us. This was just a fun joke we had over
drinks one night. Well, she very recently brought it up again and said
in all seriousness that it is something she would do for me. Obviously
the s** with my DH would not happen, but it would be done through
artificial insemination - her eggs, DH's sperm.
I figured DH would quickly say no and we'd move on, but when I mentioned it, he was much more receptive to the idea than I anticipated, so now it's something we're seriously talking about. As this is completely uncharted territory for me, I thought I'd get some practical, unbiased advice...
Some answers to potential questions that might be asked:
- My BFF has a 4 yo daughter, who is healthy, adorable and smart.
- She was married, but is now going through a divorce. She is seeing someone, who also has a daughter.
- We would definitely involve a lawyer to draw up any formal contract prior to conception and after the baby was born, I would formally adopt. DH would obviously not have to worry about that.
- She and I have been friends since we were 7 or 8 years old, so this is not a passing friendship.
- DH and I have talked about adoption, but decided not to due to the costs, low chance of getting a child (at least within a few years) and the fact that DH really wants one of his own/his blood.
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. I'd love to just hear people's thoughts on how this could work or even if you think it couldn't.
I figured DH would quickly say no and we'd move on, but when I mentioned it, he was much more receptive to the idea than I anticipated, so now it's something we're seriously talking about. As this is completely uncharted territory for me, I thought I'd get some practical, unbiased advice...
Some answers to potential questions that might be asked:
- My BFF has a 4 yo daughter, who is healthy, adorable and smart.
- She was married, but is now going through a divorce. She is seeing someone, who also has a daughter.
- We would definitely involve a lawyer to draw up any formal contract prior to conception and after the baby was born, I would formally adopt. DH would obviously not have to worry about that.
- She and I have been friends since we were 7 or 8 years old, so this is not a passing friendship.
- DH and I have talked about adoption, but decided not to due to the costs, low chance of getting a child (at least within a few years) and the fact that DH really wants one of his own/his blood.
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. I'd love to just hear people's thoughts on how this could work or even if you think it couldn't.
Re: BFF carrying my child
TTC#2 4/14
A Parachute in an Oak Tree: A World of Love
dx: Unexplained IF (mild MFI)
TTC since May 2011, 1 year trying, and then 3 TI, 2 IUI = BFN
IVF #1 (May 2013): Antagonist Protocol:24R, 18M, 15F w/ICSI; 5dt of 2 early blasts, no frosties = BFN
IVF #2 (August 2013): Lupron Stop Protocol:
28R, 23M, 15F w/ICSI; 5dt of 1 partially hatched blast, 7 frosties = BFP
EDD 5/23/14, blighted ovum (6w6d), D&C (8w6d)
FET #1 (April 2014): transferred 2 5d blasts = BFP
C.J. born 01/09/15
To me, I wouldn't find it funny to joke about a friend carrying a child by means of she and my husband having sex, but to each his own.
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussDitto CCH: is using your own eggs a viable option, and you're unable to carry a pregnancy? Or are your eggs not viable for conception? If your own eggs can be used, you can conceive through IVF, and your friend can be implanted with the fertilized egg(s) to carry for you.
B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
I never thought about the surrogate laws not allowing this. I'll do some research as that could be the deciding factor.
ETA: Traditional surrogacy (where the surrogate is genetically related to the child she is carrying) is allowed where I am.
Other than that, I would want to have a plan for how you expect/wish for her to care for herself during pregnancy. What kind of dietary restrictions (if any), what kind of exercise, what sort of environments she could be in (bars with smoke?). I would also want the agreement to be clear on how to handle testing and potential issues with the fetus. Things to consider would be discovering developmental issues, health issues, terminal diagnosis not compatible with life, etc. nobody wants to think about those things happen, but it can happen, and like any pregnancy those are things that have to be discussed and decided (do you want her to carry a fetus that has a diagnosis not compatible with life? Do you want to terminate?).
^those things would be far more important to me than the things you mentioned in your original post.
Also, I know that not just anyone can be a surrogate. But I have no idea if that changes if a couple and a potential surrogate have already agreed to work together. That's something that I would also want to find out about.
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
"I DO NOT love that you think so many things revolve around you. I know you're bitter. I get it. But I'm over your feelings." The best person on the internet ever!