Am I a bad sister?

Sewilson33 · August 2014

Some of you may know, DH and I were TTC for 19 months. We had consultations with an RE, did all the testing each of us needed to do, instead of jumping right into IUI we tried out acupuncture and finally got our BFP after 2 months with acu. My whole family knew in detail what we had gone through to get our BFP so they were all thrilled when we announced.
I ended up telling my sister that we were pregnant when she called me and told me she took her IUD out and was so worried that I would be angry at her for TTC and possibly becoming PG when we were still TTC. I told her right then that we were pregnant and not to worry (6 weeks along). Well it turns out my sister is now pregnant too... She ended up conceiving (#2) that week and is probably about 3-4 weeks behind me.

I'm a little upset over this because, I wanted a couple months where DH and I could enjoy everyone celebrating our news before announcing another pregnancy. I'm also jealous that this shit happens so easily for her.
I am a little excited that we will have children close in age but 3 weeks is just so close. I feel like I won't get the postpartum support I really want from my family.

brij2006 · August 2014

You have every right to feel the way you do, and it's completely normal.

Just remember that this is their first grandchild from you and your H, so there will be support and love all around. It's her 2nd, so she may actually feel a little shafted since she already has things and knows what to expect.

islandmonkey8 · August 2014

Not a bad sister at all. I would be jealous as well. The pain of IF never goes away, even when KU. I knowing what you've been through and that she blinked and is KU with #2 is very hard.

lindsayandjamie · August 2014

You are not a bad sister for having these feelings, but I do think that you will find that the attention and support will be there for you much more because it is your first. People love to spoil and support new mothers, so veteran moms tend not to get the same hoopla.

It will be really wonderful having your kids that close together but not so close they have to share a b-day. I have a friend with a son 2.5 weeks older than DS and it was amazing having someone going through the trenches with me simultaneaoulsy. Although we did not have any competition, so if there is between your sis and you, it could be trickier.

In any case, your feeling are valid and normal, but I think you will see in time that it will be wonderful. Plus when she is at the end of her pregnancy and feeling like an overstuffed turkey - you will be holding your first babe in your arms and know you made it through to the other side

koasmama · August 2014

You're not a bad sister for feeling that way at all. Definitely understandable. I'm sorry

PPs said it well.

Sewilson33 · August 2014

Thanks everyone for your support! I never felt like we needed to compete but DH seems to think that's what always happens to us. Hopefully it all turns out well and we are both blessed with perfect little babies!

@LindsayandJamie - didn't even think about having someone to suffer through the last few weeks with me. Good point!

amccul20 · August 2014

you're not a bad sister at all! its totally normal to be jealous and mad:(

nightmare_of_beauty · August 2014

If you are a bad sister, than I am a bad friend and SIL. I'm happy so many of them had babies this month, I don't have to worry about any of them trying again for a while and I get my time.

Everyone woman wants their time and it's fine to have those feelings.

Like PP said, there will be a difference with your family because this is your first.

FutureMrsWright2012 · August 2014

Definitely agree with PP's. I have also been there with the annoyance. Not sure if you remember, but my bro texted me the day of my ER to tell me that he and his wife were expecting baby #2 (in the same amount of time that we had been trying for #1). Then, he proceeded to make me feel like a science experiment when I told him what I was doing that day. At least it sounds like your sis was trying to be protective of your feelings/struggles? I agree with the other ladies though... Since this is your first, you'll still get oodles of attention! Congrats again!

simsk3887 · August 2014

I agree with all of the PPs. I think you have valid reasons for your feelings. I do think your sister was trying to touch on those slightly by being worried about your reaction but I think that you two will find some comfort in going through things together as well. I also agree with @lindsayandjamie‌ in that you'll be able to lean on each other during the last few weeks but also through the newborn days and nights. I have a friend who is 6 weeks ahead of me and we've been able to talk about things in the moment rather than with a friend who has an 8 month old. There's just something more real about going through it at the same time. Again, all of your feelings are so valid! Don't feel bad at all for feeling that way.

sgautschi · August 2014

You are not a bad sister, I totally see where you are coming from with those feelings. Don't feel bad for having them.

I agree with the others that you'll still get a lot of attention, and to be honest you will probably like sharing the attention sometimes. It can be overwhelming with all the questions and smothering from family members. Everyone wants to know how you're feeling, are you planning to BF, what are your nursery colors, are you going natural, etc. And it really is nice going through pregnancy with someone IRL, especially when you are close to them. My cousin was due 3 weeks after me (with her second) while I was pregnant with Adalyn, and our kiddos ended up born 4 weeks apart. It's been great having someone IRL to relate to. And I never felt like we were "competing" in any way during our pregnancies. Our showers ended up being a few months apart because I wanted mine early (28 weeks) and she didn't have hers until 35-36 weeks. So we didn't ever feel like the other person was "stealing the spotlight".

Again though, you are not a bad sister. I think that your feelings are valid, and with time you will probably enjoy being pregnant together. And if she turns out to be an AW with this pregnancy, then shove her off a cliff. Lol I kid.

LuckyAngel07 · August 2014

You are not a bad sister.

I don't know if you already knew this or not, but my sister also got pregnant with her second baby right after I got pregnant. She is due barely 2 weeks after me.

Now, the situation is slightly different than yours. We live 1100 miles apart, our mom near her and our dad near me. My mom is planning on flying up to spend a week with us after I have my baby; she hasn't mentioned it being contingent on when my sister delivers. So I think others are right that first-time moms get lots more support and attention than "veterans." My dad will be flying down to visit with her as soon as possible after her baby arrives, but if I go late, I'm sure his flight down will wait for me.

I understand wanting all the attention for a bit and being able to revel in it without sharing the spotlight. You'll still have plenty of people solely focused on you (ILs, friends, coworkers). Don't feel badly for wanting that and wishing this time was all yours. You tried for a long time, and it stings to have a sister (and in my case, a twin!) get it so quickly. My sister only had to try for 6 months with LO #1, and barely 2 months with LO #2. :P

rccola1981 · August 2014

I don't think you are a bad sister at all. I'm an only child, so I know my siblings won't have a baby before me but there've been times I became very concerned SIL was going to tell us she was pg with a second while we were trying for a first...and they don't even want a second.

jmw928 · August 2014

A little late to this but wanted to reassure you that you are not a bad sister at all. Your feelings are 100% valid. I think it's good that your family knows about your TTC history too. Not only is this your first, but this is your looooong awaited first so hopefully that will inspire the family to give you some extra special, and well deserved attention.

Am I a bad sister?

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