October 2011 Weddings
ldawngirl
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
She's havin' my baby
As most of you know, I have medical complications that mean having a healthy baby naturally would be very difficult. My BFF and I have jokingly talked about her and my DH having s** and her carrying the child and then giving it to us. This was just a fun joke we had over drinks one night. Well, she very recently brought it up again and said in all seriousness that it is something she would do for me. Obviously the s** with my DH would not happen, but it would be done through artificial insemination - her eggs, DH's sperm.
I figured DH would quickly say no and we'd move on, but when I mentioned it, he was much more receptive to the idea than I anticipated, so now it's something we're seriously talking about. As this is completely uncharted territory for me, I thought I'd get some practical, unbiased advice from you girls.
Some answers to potential questions you guys might ask:
- My BFF has a 4 yo daughter, who is healthy, adorable and smart.
- She was married, but is now going through a divorce. She is seeing someone, who also has a daughter.
- We would definitely involve a lawyer to draw up any formal contract prior to conception and after the baby was born, I would formally adopt. DH would obviously not have to worry about that.
- She and I have been friends since we were 7 or 8 years old, so this is not a passing friendship.
- DH and I have talked about adoption, but decided not to due to the costs, low chance of getting a child (at least within a few years) and the fact that DH really wants one of his own/his blood.
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. I'd love to just hear people's thoughts on how this could work or even if you think it couldn't.
I figured DH would quickly say no and we'd move on, but when I mentioned it, he was much more receptive to the idea than I anticipated, so now it's something we're seriously talking about. As this is completely uncharted territory for me, I thought I'd get some practical, unbiased advice from you girls.
Some answers to potential questions you guys might ask:
- My BFF has a 4 yo daughter, who is healthy, adorable and smart.
- She was married, but is now going through a divorce. She is seeing someone, who also has a daughter.
- We would definitely involve a lawyer to draw up any formal contract prior to conception and after the baby was born, I would formally adopt. DH would obviously not have to worry about that.
- She and I have been friends since we were 7 or 8 years old, so this is not a passing friendship.
- DH and I have talked about adoption, but decided not to due to the costs, low chance of getting a child (at least within a few years) and the fact that DH really wants one of his own/his blood.
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. I'd love to just hear people's thoughts on how this could work or even if you think it couldn't.
Re: She's havin' my baby
For me, there would be a few concerns.
1. Will she at any time become emotionally attached to her child? Since y'all are close friends, I assume she is pretty present in your life. She might say she is ok with all of it right now but once there is an actual child involved, one that is biologically hers, that could change.
Also, will y'all be paying for her medical bills? IVF? What if it doesn't take and she needs to try it a few times? I'm pretty sure she'll need to take a bunch of prescriptions for a time before doing the the actual IVF. Time off work? Pregnancy expenses?
2. Will there be any future effects on the child? How will you deal with telling them their parentage and will this effect them negatively at all? Of course, that is really an unknown so maybe I would see that as more of a risk.
I would suggest looking into a surrogate. It's not nearly as pricey as adoption, and guarantees no drama down the road. And your H can still use his sperm. SIL's sister has been a surrogate for the same family twice and loves doing it. I've considered it myself but am not sure it would be kosher with the views of my workplace so would have to take that into consideration.
I think it's amazing your friend has offered, I would just be overly cautious and thorough before making any decisions.
You should read this story my newspaper ran last week (and I was part of the editing team on it). Also a close family friend who volunteered to be a surrogate, who had kids of her own.
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/longform/life/2014/08/09/teambaker/13352655
TTC since March 2012
BFP 3/14/13!!!
U/S 4/15: Identical twins!
Lost my angel boys at 10.5 weeks
My Chart***My TTC blog
So I will continue to spoil my niece (her daughter), so one day she'll take care of us both! haha