So confused and I am so scared that I will be stressed and depress

Re: So confused and I am so scared that I will be stressed and depress

• Ilumine mod

  

  September 2014

  While I understand that you are stressed, this post makes absolutely no sense.  All I can concretely glean from what you wrote is that you are financially unstable, that you are not working, that you have two children and the possibility of two brother in laws that you are paying for. 

  
  

  And honestly, for someone with supposed experience in psychology and human resources, I have to question your common sense, given your comment that "so many reports of children dying in the hands of nannies and maids looting their employer's house". 

  
  

  I did a quick google search, and found only ONE news article where a nanny hurt a child and that was in February/March of 2014.  Not to mention, there are more childcare options than in-home nanny/maids.  

  
  

  Your need to find ventures that will help your husband make your expenses lighter are pretty straight forward.  You stop financially covering your BILs, you cut out all but the very basic expenses (cable, cell phones if they are cheaper than a land line, internet, etc) and you get a job - any job that pays more than putting your children in a local daycare center or YOU work the night shift while your husband works the day shit if you are that concerned with other people raising your children. 

  
  

  But honestly, this reaction here is not going to help you. 

  
  

   

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• TarponMonoxide member

  

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  Aliyah0108 said:

  I have a lot of thoughts making rounds in my mind. First, the school fees are extremely high and shocking, though we are already prepared for it but the thought of these people are like monsters charging for everything?
  
  
  I am with Illumine.
  
  What kind of a school is this? is it college? is it a private grammar school for your kids? Which one is it?
  
  You bet schools charge for everything. Remember: first and foremostly it is a business. THe black bottom line comes first; students come last.
  
  If this is a private or parochial school for your kids: perhaps you will have to send them to the public school. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.
  
  This is why many private and parochial schools are closing: the tuition is out of reach of the middle class. When I think of how much a parochial high school was when we were attending -- maybe $800 for the best one "in the line"; the average was about $400 per year -- and what it costs now -- the cheapest tuition is $8,000 a year! , blame this all on things like a lay faculty versus nuns, brothers or other ordained who taught all the classes...and that's another story altogeter.
  
  We are not an employee, we have business on our own. We know how it feels to work hard and make your own money and does not depend on a monthly or weekly income. If client pays, we have money, if they don't, then we have to wait.
  
  I am guessing you are self employed. That is rough.
  
  People thought we are a human ATM that can spit money anytime. Ours is not like that. We see all our expenses on an hourly basis. It's so depressing that I have 2 kids and my husband is getting heart attack of the expenses overall. Me as wife who supports my husband, stop working and taking care of the kids and my 2 brother in laws.
  
  Maybe it is time for your brothers in law to take a hike and get a place of their own.
  
  Why are they living with you, anyway?
  
  
  Seriously, I dont want to be stressed and depressed because I am scared that I will lose everything. I am keeping myself sane for everything what is going on. I dont want to talk about it to anyone except my husband but even him is so extremely " sad" with all our voluminous expenses in the house. I understand his situation that he works a lot as in a lot and less sleep. He tries to understand me even he is so tired. My hands is up to him.
   
  I want to look for jobs since I am an experienced Psychologist and HR but who will look after my kids? Its so hard to trust anyone for my kids as so many reports of children dying in the hands of nannies and maids looting their employer's house. How can I help my husband? He asks me help him by doing telemarketing but its not my cup of tea, I dont succeed in convincing people, I am very poor at that. I dont know what ventures I will do to help him and make our expenses lesser and lighter.
  
  What I should do? 
  

  To cut back on expenses, do the ole fashioned thing: DO WITHOUT what you can eliminate:
  
  Eating out
  
  Buying "brand name" items -- the generics are just as good, if not better!
  
  Shop only on Clearance racks.
  
  Shop end of season sales --- you will get fantastic bargains! You'll have a winter coat for next season, a nice purse or something summery when next summer rolls around, etc.
  
  Coupons, coupons, coupons!
  
  No brand name jeans, sneakers, clothes for the kids or for you and your H. Generic line only --- names are copyrighted and that is why the item is so damn expensive.
  
  Let the kids wear hand me downs! We did it for years in "our generation" -- that pair of jeans, coat, shirts, etc. will be great for a younger sibling, when he's tall enough to wear the item his older sibling had.:)
  
  Make one main meal on Sunday; have it for dinner the entire week. (This is what I do on Sundays to save time all week instead of cooking when I get  home from work)
  
  No family vacations that are expensive; find something inexpensive to do
  
  I think it is time to bid the in-laws living with you adieu. You simply cannot afford to have them live with you. Very doubtful they pay room and board. Show them the door stat and tough for them; they are grown men; let them find a way, even if they live at the YMCA.
  
  What about a college kid who can babysit? There should be oodles; what about other mothers in the neighborhood you are friendly with?
  

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• TarponMonoxide member

  

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  Adding more:
  
  Here are more ways to save money:
  
  When Christmas comes, give only to immediiate family. That is you, your H, the kids and perhaps both sets of your parents.
  
  Buy one item for everybody: a book, a DVD, a CD  --- and give those as the gift.  Do not "spoil" your kids with gift item after gift item. Let them understand that Santa simply doesn't bring everything.  That's how things were in our house when we were growing up.
  
  For the kids, get them 1 or maybe 2 "big" gifts and let that be it for them.
  
  Cut out subscribing to premium cable tv networks -- stick only to the basics. 
  
  DIY with certain projects --if you get a kid or lawn guy to cut your grass, fire the kid or lawn guy; cut the lawn yourself.
  
  Don't be "confused" or "Depressed" about the 2 brothers in law:
  
  Why are they there anyway?
  
  And why are you and  your husband supporting them and letting them life free off the fat of the hog? It isn't likely they are working or paying room and board --- today, without fail give them a month to find other lodging.
  
  If they don't do it by then, lock their asses out. I'm serious. Change the locks on your house and tough titty for them.  You and your husband are not their free hotel, free hostel, free anything.
  
  YOu simply cannot afford to support 2 more people. Period. That's a fact; tell them they are to find another place to live as of October 1. And then stick by your guns.
  

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