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Money Changed Her..

I have a friend who has changed for the worse since she got engaged to a rich man. 

She constantly brags about what she pays for things as well as what her fiance buys her: "My wedding dress cost 15,000! My engagement ring cost 23,000! People give me funny looks when I talk about these things...they are just jealous! We can afford a luxury wedding." I think this is rude and shows how insecure she really is. I have nice things as well but I would never talk about what I paid for these items, nor would I share the cost of a gift that my husband bought me. I just think such behavior is very obnoxious. 

Her attitude wouldn't bother me so much if she didn't also make rude comments about our apartment building, the city we live in and where I work. I feel like she suddenly looks down my husband and I because she is marrying into money. When she was living in a basement apartment by herself and working as a cook, she was far more down to earth. My husband cannot stand this woman because he says that she seems like a gold digger. 

I find this situation interesting because I have several loved ones who are more affluent than my husband and I. However, they do not feel the need to make snide remarks about where I live or what I do for a living. They also do not brag; I dislike anyone who brags for any reason. Nobody would ever guess how much money my loved ones have because they don't talk about it and they aren't rude to those who have less than them. 

Has anyone else ever dealt with someone who became rich and turned into a jerk? How did you handle it?

Re: Money Changed Her..

  • artbyallie said: I haven't dealt with this but would probably flat-out tell her, "It's tacky beyond tacky to bring up what you/your fiancé paid for something and clearly I'm too poor to be your friend any longer, so bye, bitch, and don't ever contact me again." Too harsh? Maybe, but I have no patience for assholes.
    =)=))
    Don't kill me! I'm dying with laughter over here! Thanks for that.

    Your comment would be harsh but some of her comments were very rude and uncalled for.

    I feel sorry for her in a way. She has confided in me that her sex life is awful and she isn't really attracted to her fiance. She also told me that she wouldn't be getting married if she did not want children. I wouldn't marry a man whom I thought was ugly and crappy in bed. I suppose this is because I am not a gold digger. 


  • I haven't dealt with this but would probably flat-out tell her, "It's tacky beyond tacky to bring up what you/your fiancé paid for something and clearly I'm too poor to be your friend any longer, so bye, bitch, and don't ever contact me again." Too harsh? Maybe, but I have no patience for assholes.
    I agree. And she's just plain rude to you? This is no friend.
  • I totally agree with PPs.  She's obviously just marrying for money and people who do that are usually miserable.  And I know a woman who THOUGHT she was marrying for money- she got a luxury wedding and a 30K ring and then… he was is crazy amounts of debt.  Boom.
  • If you want to stay friends, talk to her about it.
    If you don't want to stay friends, walk away.
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  • I totally agree with PPs.  She's obviously just marrying for money and people who do that are usually miserable.  And I know a woman who THOUGHT she was marrying for money- she got a luxury wedding and a 30K ring and then… he was is crazy amounts of debt.  Boom.
    She certainly doesn't seem miserable...she seems very happy about the amount of money her fiance makes. I find it very telling that she never talks about why she loves her fiance. It is always about what he can provide for her. 

    Maybe I am an etiquette snob but I think it is incredibly crass to reveal personal details about finances. When I hear my "friend" talk about her fiance's salary, I cringe inwardly. I would never share my husband's salary with anyone. That's just....no. 

    I don't like her fiance either. My husband and I are renewing our vows next year with many wedding elements. Our elopement was awful and my parents are still sad about it. My husband and I have also made it through some very challenging times in only four years of marriage and we want to celebrate that. We also want to give my parents a nice memory before the relocate to another country for retirement. 

    This woman's fiance actually said "Our wedding costs are really adding up, but we don't want to end up like (my name) and her husband. They didn't spend the money when they married. Now they regret it so they are renewing their vows. " :-O My husband and I had no money when we married. We also did not want a huge wedding planned and paid for by my parents because it wouldn't reflect our tastes. Where does he get off talking about us? 
  • NoneForUs said:

    This woman's fiance actually said "Our wedding costs are really adding up, but we don't want to end up like (my name) and her husband. They didn't spend the money when they married. Now they regret it so they are renewing their vows. " :-O My husband and I had no money when we married. We also did not want a huge wedding planned and paid for by my parents because it wouldn't reflect our tastes. Where does he get off talking about us? 
    Wow.  DH and I also eloped and I'm sure my parents want more for us as well, but we didn't see the point in spending all this money for something we wouldn't love.  That is so rude.  I would have stopped talking to them for that comment alone.  He has no idea whether you regret eloping or not and has no right to assume either way.  And even if he knew for a fact because you had told him so, it's not his business to say so.  I would dump your friend.  I'm sorry, but it looks like she's making this decision for all the wrong reasons.
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  • GilliC said:
    If you want to stay friends, talk to her about it.
    If you don't want to stay friends, walk away.
    Or if you don't want to stay friends, be brutally honest. :)
  • NoneForUs said:

    This woman's fiance actually said "Our wedding costs are really adding up, but we don't want to end up like (my name) and her husband. They didn't spend the money when they married. Now they regret it so they are renewing their vows. " :-O My husband and I had no money when we married. We also did not want a huge wedding planned and paid for by my parents because it wouldn't reflect our tastes. Where does he get off talking about us? 
    Wow.  DH and I also eloped and I'm sure my parents want more for us as well, but we didn't see the point in spending all this money for something we wouldn't love.  That is so rude.  I would have stopped talking to them for that comment alone.  He has no idea whether you regret eloping or not and has no right to assume either way.  And even if he knew for a fact because you had told him so, it's not his business to say so.  I would dump your friend.  I'm sorry, but it looks like she's making this decision for all the wrong reasons.
    I think my friend might have picked up her new arrogant attitude from her fiance and his wealthy friends. He once asked me why we wouldn't buy a house. I answered that the homes in our city are too expensive. (Average house price is 1M where we live.) 

    The more I read what I type and the opinions on this thread, the more I realize that I need to end this "friendship". We went through a lot together and I will miss the good times, but friends outgrow each other for many reasons. 

    Friendship shouldn't be about income level. I have friends who are in worse financial situations than me but it never stopped us from getting along. 


  • I am not a brutally honest kind of person....except when someone gets on my last nerve. 
  • I personally don't find the talking about money and how much things cost as offensive...as long as it is her own monies she is talking about and not asking intrusive questions about other people's money choices/purchases.

    Though I have to admit I am kind of guilty of that and need to watch it so I don't make other people uncomfortable.  Although my "bragging" is on the other side of the coin.  I am a perpetual deal hunter and love to talk about when I've scored a good one, lol.  For example, I recently bought a $400 Coach purse on sale for $124. I've had a number of people compliment it and I'm always tempted to blurt out, "Thanks! I got it on sale for only $124. Can you believe that?"  But, of course, that would be an "off" thing to say so I just leave it at the "Thanks!"

    HOWEVER, what would be very off-putting about your friend and her FI is they sound like very judgy people about other people's finances.  Not to mention, at least the FI earned his station in life (still doesn't make it okay to judge others)...but what has your friend done to have the finer things in life?  Um...is about to marry a rich guy.  Wow, that's an accomplishment to be proud of (sarcasm).

    Last but not least...one of my favorite pearls of wisdom:

    "Marry for money and you will pay dearly."

     

  • You get what you pay for comes to mind here.:(

    And so does  Be nice to the same people you saw on the way up, because they are the same people you will see on the way down.
  • I personally don't find the talking about money and how much things cost as offensive...as long as it is her own monies she is talking about and not asking intrusive questions about other people's money choices/purchases.

    Though I have to admit I am kind of guilty of that and need to watch it so I don't make other people uncomfortable.  Although my "bragging" is on the other side of the coin.  I am a perpetual deal hunter and love to talk about when I've scored a good one, lol.  For example, I recently bought a $400 Coach purse on sale for $124. I've had a number of people compliment it and I'm always tempted to blurt out, "Thanks! I got it on sale for only $124. Can you believe that?"  But, of course, that would be an "off" thing to say so I just leave it at the "Thanks!"

    HOWEVER, what would be very off-putting about your friend and her FI is they sound like very judgy people about other people's finances.  Not to mention, at least the FI earned his station in life (still doesn't make it okay to judge others)...but what has your friend done to have the finer things in life?  Um...is about to marry a rich guy.  Wow, that's an accomplishment to be proud of (sarcasm).

    Last but not least...one of my favorite pearls of wisdom:

    "Marry for money and you will pay dearly."

     

    I will only talk about discounts with close friends who are also bargain shoppers. 
    I am so happy that you scored a bag for  such a good price! High five! =D>

    I don't understand how any woman can feel smug about marrying a man for money. That is the oldest trick in the book and a disgusting way of using someone. No matter what she and her man say about my husband and I, I know that there are aspects of my marriage that billions couldn't buy. Money cannot purchase attraction, a fulfilling sex life or the ability to stick together through hard times. 

    I dated some rich men when I was single and their entitled attitudes turned me off.  They thought they could buy me and when they could not, they became indignant because they were used to being able to get any woman with their fancy cars and homes. 

    I will say that there is nothing wrong with wanting to marry a financially stable partner but it shouldn't be the only focus. I don't think money is worth having to sleep with an ugly man forever or pretending to be in love. I guess I have too much integrity for that. 
  • You get what you pay for comes to mind here.:(

    And so does  Be nice to the same people you saw on the way up, because they are the same people you will see on the way down.
    I love the second quote.

    I don't even wish ill on my friend. I hope that her marriage is everything she wants it to be. However, I can't allow myself to be insulted any longer. 

    I'm glad I posted this thread because I wanted to see if I was being oversensitive. Strangers give unbiased advice. 
  • Weddings are kind of tacky to begin with. Spending an obnoxious amount of money on them just makes people look showy or cheesy.
  • Weddings are kind of tacky to begin with. Spending an obnoxious amount of money on them just makes people look showy or cheesy.
    The OPs friend sounds like that chick Helen that was in Bridesmaids...only this time Helen is the bride. Everybody run like hell....hee hee
  • Weddings are kind of tacky to begin with. Spending an obnoxious amount of money on them just makes people look showy or cheesy.
    I agree with what you're saying. I prefer intimate and low key celebrations. I would not have eloped if my mother was not trying to force a huge wedding down my throat. I try not to judge women for wanting enormous celebrations because they are influenced by the Wedding Industrial Complex, but I think it is stupid to waste all that money on one day. I also do not like being the centre of attention. 

    If I was as rich as the woman I am speaking of, I still would not drop 15K on a wedding dress or expect my husband to buy me a ring that cost over 20K. That is just stupid in my eyes. 

    We haven't spoken in weeks because I told her that she was being nasty to her stepsiblings. She grew up with them but yet she thinks that they are not classy enough to attend her wedding. I received an email from her yesterday wanting to "meet for ten minutes just to talk". Fuck that noise! I am done with that whole mess ladies! Let this fool enjoy her snobbery and ridiculous arrogance. She will see what happens if her marriage doesn't work out and she has alienated all her loved ones by being a rude bitch. 
  • H and I started dating in college so we had no money and after a few years out in the working world I finally got my big opportunity and starting pulling in more money. Shortly after our wedding last September H finally got his big break and is now making more then me (after I have always been the breadwinner) now he [jokingly] give me crap saying how I married him for his money!  Oh yea I put in 8 years together in hopes you would make it big! lol
    image
  • H and I started dating in college so we had no money and after a few years out in the working world I finally got my big opportunity and starting pulling in more money. Shortly after our wedding last September H finally got his big break and is now making more then me (after I have always been the breadwinner) now he [jokingly] give me crap saying how I married him for his money!  Oh yea I put in 8 years together in hopes you would make it big! lol
    Your situation is completely different from that of the woman I am speaking of. 
  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2014
    NoneForUs said:
    H and I started dating in college so we had no money and after a few years out in the working world I finally got my big opportunity and starting pulling in more money. Shortly after our wedding last September H finally got his big break and is now making more then me (after I have always been the breadwinner) now he [jokingly] give me crap saying how I married him for his money!  Oh yea I put in 8 years together in hopes you would make it big! lol
    Your situation is completely different from that of the woman I am speaking of. 
    Maybe it is kind of related:

    Since her post is so completely unrelated to the topic at hand, perhaps she posted it in the same bragging "Oh, look we have money!" kind of way that your friend might use! ;)
    image
  • GilliC said:
    NoneForUs said:
    H and I started dating in college so we had no money and after a few years out in the working world I finally got my big opportunity and starting pulling in more money. Shortly after our wedding last September H finally got his big break and is now making more then me (after I have always been the breadwinner) now he [jokingly] give me crap saying how I married him for his money!  Oh yea I put in 8 years together in hopes you would make it big! lol
    Your situation is completely different from that of the woman I am speaking of. 
    Maybe it is kind of related:

    Since her post is so completely unrelated to the topic at hand, perhaps she posted it in the same bragging "Oh, look we have money!" kind of way that your friend might use! ;)
    You could be right. I never considered that she could be bragging.

  • NoneForUs said:
    GilliC said:
    NoneForUs said:
    H and I started dating in college so we had no money and after a few years out in the working world I finally got my big opportunity and starting pulling in more money. Shortly after our wedding last September H finally got his big break and is now making more then me (after I have always been the breadwinner) now he [jokingly] give me crap saying how I married him for his money!  Oh yea I put in 8 years together in hopes you would make it big! lol
    Your situation is completely different from that of the woman I am speaking of. 
    Maybe it is kind of related:

    Since her post is so completely unrelated to the topic at hand, perhaps she posted it in the same bragging "Oh, look we have money!" kind of way that your friend might use! ;)
    You could be right. I never considered that she could be bragging.

    Lol sorry that this offended you! Sometimes when I read these posts by the time I get to the end I almost forget what the first post was, I think I had a way to tie it back in with the whole marrying for money thing, but clearly got side tracked. 
    image
  • Your description of this person just makes her sound awful. Why are you friends with her?!?!
  • Your description of this person just makes her sound awful. Why are you friends with her?!?!
    Just saw this now. Sorry for the very late response mama.

    I don't talk to her anymore. I was her friend before because she used to be a decent person.


  • OP, this is so sad!  Her behavior is totally obnoxious.. I don't blame you for distancing yourself.
  • her behavior is obnoxious but it is possible she will grow out of this- sometimes when you get something new like money you don't know how to behave and over time it will get less exciting.

    She is obviously very insecure and probably not entirely comfortable with hew new situation- but she has no right to be condescending or talk down to you!
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  • I don't think I'd be friends with her anymore. People change, they grow apart.
  • I don't think I'd be friends with her anymore. People change, they grow apart.
    Absolutely. Very few friendships last forever and I am much happier without her in my life. 
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