I haven't met his family yet...

Re: I haven't met his family yet...

• doeydo member

  

  September 2014

  reader2222 said:

  I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. He met my parents only a few weeks into dating and we practically live together. At first he lied to me about living on his own. I was never allowed to go over there and always wondered why, until I put two and two together that he really lived with his mom. (which is fine, I wouldn't have cared). But he always claimed his mom knew about me, just didn't approve of him dating. (he's 23 and hasn't finished college yet and I'm 22 and have finished college). A few months ago (around a year of dating we had this huge blow up fight and I found out he lied through our entire relationship about his mom knowing I existed. It broke my heart. He knows my ENTIRE family and I only know two of his friends. Anyways.. he has said his mom has asked questions since he only sleeps at my place now and so she knows, but wouldn't you want to know your sons girlfriend? Especially if it was serious?
  
  I still feel like she doesn't know about me, but it hurts my feelings to talk about it so I don't. He's not a bad person, but we have come from completely different places and I think this is my karma from hiding my past boyfriend from my parents in high school (weird but I know.)
  
  What do you think about this situation?
  

  Why the heck are you still with this guy?  He is obviously not interested in you long term, he'll just lie and say whatever he needs to in order to keep you around.  

  
  

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• GilliC member

  

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  I'm much more troubled that he has been repeatedly lying to you.

  
  

  
  

  Not meeting his family isn't really an issue to me. I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, and he's finally meeting my parents for the first time at the end of this month. My mother was incredibly unsupportive at the end of my last serious relationship, and some of the things she's said to me have made me very cautious about allowing her access to my relationships since then. For most of the first year that we dated, I answered all of her questions about my relationship with "No comment." It had nothing to do with my boyfriend (or anyone I was seeing before him). It had everything to do with her. However, you can be certain that I explained the situation to him!

  
  

  Forget about failing to explain things. This guy is actively lying to you! How on earth can you form a solid, healthy relationship with someone like that?!

  

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• TarponMonoxide member

  

  September 2014

  reader2222 said:

  I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. He met my parents only a few weeks into dating and we practically live together. At first he lied to me about living on his own. I was never allowed to go over there and always wondered why,
  
  Perhaps he is embarrassed or intimidated or ashamed he lives there with his mother but wow, for the fact he lied about it please get yourself another guy.
  
  Even if he, too, lives at home...but tells the truth about it.:(
  
  Find another guy.  He's not for you, simply because he lied. His living arrangement doesn't matter; nobody needs a liar.
  
  until I put two and two together that he really lived with his mom. (which is fine, I wouldn't have cared). But he always claimed his mom knew about me, just didn't approve of him dating. (he's 23 and hasn't finished college yet and I'm 22 and have finished college).
  
  Lots of 20s and young 20s live at home, either becuase they haven't left yet or for financial reasons, thanks to college loans being out of control.
  
  
  A few months ago (around a year of dating we had this huge blow up fight and I found out he lied through our entire relationship about his mom knowing I existed. It broke my heart. He knows my ENTIRE family and I only know two of his friends. Anyways.. he has said his mom has asked questions since he only sleeps at my place now and so she knows, but wouldn't you want to know your sons girlfriend? Especially if it was serious?
  
  I still feel like she doesn't know about me, but it hurts my feelings to talk about it so I don't. He's not a bad person, but we have come from completely different places and I think this is my karma from hiding my past boyfriend from my parents in high school (weird but I know.)
  
  What do you think about this situation?
  

  She is probably not one to pry or delve into his romantic life.
  
  Get another guy. You do not need a liar.
  

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• BlueBirdMB member

  

  September 2014

  If he isn't willing to let you into his life, he doesn't deserve to be let into yours.  I dated a guy once that I fell head over heels for very quickly.  He met my parents a month or two into dating and had met all my friends.  I was eager to show him off.  I met his roommate.  That's it.  He always claimed his family knew about me, but timing wise no meeting ever worked out.  Months later I ended up dumping him because I couldn't stand the lying.  A month after that my best friended ended up dating my ex-bf's friend- a friend I had never met.  This guy was stunned that I had been dating his friend.  He told me that I had been the "other woman" as my ex had been dating this other woman for a year before we even met.

  
  

  Maybe he's not cheating on you, but it doesn't matter.  I believe that most our relationships are unequal- one person is more into it than the other.  But once you see those unequal feelings then it's time to end things.  When you find someone who loves you just as much as you love them and someone who lets you into their lives just as you let them in, then you've probably found the person you're going to marry.

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• reader2222 member

  

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  Thanks everyone... I know it's wrong to lie and I do not trust easily so I'm always skeptical about something and I know that's not good. I really apprecaite all the advice.
  
  BlueBirdMB: we have very similar situations it sounds like. I fell head over heels very fast as well. But I think you're right. I think the person that is "the one for you" is someone who adores you as much as you adore them. Unfortunately, I don't think that is the case in my relationship. I know he loves me, but I also think he doesn't love me as much as I loved him. I definitely have lost feelings after so many arguments over the same things
  

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• VOR member

  

  September 2014

  A person who repeatedly lies is NOT a good person

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• GilliC member

  

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  reader2222 said:

  Thanks everyone... I know it's wrong to lie and I do not trust easily so I'm always skeptical about something and I know that's not good. I really apprecaite all the advice.
  
  BlueBirdMB: we have very similar situations it sounds like. I fell head over heels very fast as well. But I think you're right. I think the person that is "the one for you" is someone who adores you as much as you adore them. Unfortunately, I don't think that is the case in my relationship. I know he loves me, but I also think he doesn't love me as much as I loved him. I definitely have lost feelings after so many arguments over the same things
  

  Even if you do love him...
  A friend posted this recently, and it contains some wisdom:
  http://markmanson.net/love/
  

  

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• BlueBirdMB member

  

  September 2014

  reader2222 said:

  Thanks everyone... I know it's wrong to lie and I do not trust easily so I'm always skeptical about something and I know that's not good. I really apprecaite all the advice.
  
  BlueBirdMB: we have very similar situations it sounds like. I fell head over heels very fast as well. But I think you're right. I think the person that is "the one for you" is someone who adores you as much as you adore them. Unfortunately, I don't think that is the case in my relationship. I know he loves me, but I also think he doesn't love me as much as I loved him. I definitely have lost feelings after so many arguments over the same things
  

  Good.  Then I think you know what you have to do.

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• Erikan73 member

  

  September 2014

  If you lies to you about that, what else is he possibly lying to you about? If you are important to him, he should want to introduce you to his mother. What type of future does your relationship have if he can't introduce you to his family after a year. Granted if she lived out of state, that would be possibly different, but she lives in the same town. No excuse for not meeting her after so long.

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