Just moved in with longtime boyfriend. His sister asked me a weird question

Re: Just moved in with longtime boyfriend. His sister asked me a weird question

• VOR member

  

  September 2014

  Your answer seems odd to me, not the question.  I've asked that kind of question before to someone who has just entered a new stage.  And really- the reply I think I would have been expecting would have been something like "I'm excited about seeing him every day and learning about the little idosyncricies that we don't know yet about each other".  Or... something to that effect.

  The fact that you took it to be about having kids or marriage - why? 

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• sbrickwell member

  

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  Well, cause I feel like we waited so long, that at this point in our lives, it's time to take a step forward. We lived apart and dated for a year and a half. We've been involved in his brother-in-law's softball team with his sister, so it's like we're family already. I would have rather hear 'Congratulations! This is a big step!' But, everyone's different. The feeling I had when we finally moved in together was "FINALLY!" Cause we've been together for so long. But, I didn't know if saying that was an appropriate answer. We both want kids and marriage is something I'm hoping for. And we both talk about that openly. I like his family. They are definitely traditionalists. I come from a divorced family and a past divorce, so, maybe I'm always worried about being judged cause of that matter. My family adores him and and his family are very quiet, reserved kind of people. Have our families met each other? Not yet. I'm hoping for everyone to meet each other when we have our housewarming. 

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• sbrickwell member

  

  September 2014

  I like his family. They are definitely traditionalists. I come from a divorced family and a past divorce, so, maybe I'm always worried about being judged cause of that matter. My family adores him and and his family are very quiet, reserved kind of people. Have our families met each other? Not yet. I'm hoping for everyone to meet each other when we have our housewarming. 

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• VOR member

  

  September 2014

  All I can suggest- stop overthinking things. You say they are more traditional.  Do they judge that you've been divorced?  Maybe.  But you can't worry about that.  You really can't.  Live your life for yourself and don't worry about what people think.  Don't overthink what they ask you or WHY they say what they say.  Take it at face value and respond as such. 
  

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• TarponMonoxide member

  

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  sbrickwell said:

  My man and I have been wanting to live together for about 6 months, but we waited to see if he was gonna get a job out of state. Even if he did, we would move together out of state. But, that job opportunity fell through, and we finally decided to stop delaying and make a move to start living together. We're at that point in our lives where an engagement is possible and both agreed to have an outdoor wedding. After one day of getting the new place, his sister asked me a weird question. She said, "What are you most excited about?" I didn't want to say 'get married' or 'have a baby'. But I did say, 'He would make an awesome dad, and that we would have an outdoor wedding somewhere'. But that question she asked me seemed rather odd. She's married and has a baby. Which I had the pleasure of babysitting for her that day.  

  I dunno. Doesn't sound weird to me. Is she referring to your move to a new place to live?
  
  Tell her anything --- you like the neighborhood, the community -- tell her anything.
  

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• sbrickwell member

  

  September 2014

  Thanks guys! I am prone to overthinking. :P We've been together for such a long time before we moved in together. So, it is definitely a big moment for the both of us. It's been day 2 since we moved in, and I'm so comfortable there. Looking forward to good things Just pictured a Christmas tree in our living room. I can't wait.  

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• sillygoosegirl member

  

  October 2014

  I don't think her question is weird at all.  There are lots of things to be excited about when you move in with someone, and I don't see how being close already or having been together a long time already or being less traditional makes that any less true.  It sounds like you aren't really so excited about moving in together though, and are pretty focused on next steps.  Which is fine, but I hope you are being up front with your boyfriend that what you really want is to get married and have children rather than just live together.  

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• sbrickwell member

  

  October 2014

  Update: it's been 1 month since we started living together. We're doing good so far. :P We just need to organize our outings/dinners together cause we have different work schedules.

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• sbrickwell member

  

  October 2014

  Living with someone is a team effort. 

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• dutchgirl76 member

  

  October 2014

  I think her question was reasonable, it's a big step and she was probably just curious if you were excited for it. Would she have a problem with you thinking about marriage or a baby? If his family tend to be traditional cut them slack, a lot of religions frown upon living together and/or babies before marriage. It seems like they're staying out of your business as far as your divorce and your choice to live with your boyfriend before marriage (as they should.) 

  
  

  I agree with PP about being up front with your boyfriend. If he isn't on board with getting married and/or having a baby you both need to seriously think about your future. If he isn't planning on getting married for a certain amount of time are you ok with that? Don't end up in a situation where you feel you have to give him an ultimatum (get engaged or move out) because it won't work and it shouldn't have to come to that.

  
  

  I'm glad to hear the first month went well.

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