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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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How do I deal with this? (Sister-in-Law problems)
How do I deal with this?
My sister-in-law (26 years old) takes the credit for everything and only talks and cares about herself.
To elaborate and explain...
I am not new to this family. My husband and I have been together for a little more than 6 years - 5.5 years dating and 6 months of marriage. I've known him for quite a while before that and the same with his sister - we rode the same bus to school for years. Never had a fight with her previously but I think it's about time someone said something to her...
His sister has not always made the smartest choices - the most recent of those being that she got pregnant with a guy she hardly knew, who has now 6 children with 4 or 5 different women and he can't pay child support, thus she moved in with her mom. During her time pregnant, she almost got a felony - the guy whos couch she was crashing on got caught with a bunch of LSD and since she was staying there, but had no idea what was going on she got off with probation.
Anyway, about a week before the wedding, I told her if she was going to breast feed at the wedding, rehearsal or rehearsal dinner if she could do so in the bathroom, because she made guests at the bridal shower uncomfortable because she breastfed infront of them without covering herself up at all. This is when she through a hissy fit. She told her mom that she didn't even want to go to the wedding, that she shouldn't be a bridesmaid and was royally pissed off. My husband then had to go over to the house to talk to her and calm her down.
When she calls my husband, she doesn't let him talk. He just says yeah and ok... but when he starts to talk she has to get off the phone within a minute. She calls to tell him the littlest thing about her kid, and then gets off the phone.
She took credit for my husband turning out the way he did - a good and successful man.
She tells people how to live their lives.
We told her about the paint colors we were going to paint different rooms in our home and she was like "Better think about that one. Orange makes people eat more. You should go with a yellow." Not your house.
Recently their cousin said is looking for a journalism school - he (cousin) wants to do a cross-medium degree. She (sister-in-law) told him not to do it - "look at how that turned out for me"... She dropped out of school and didn't finish her degree because she was with a guy (a different one) who sold drugs, stole her stuff and was wanted in Missouri. That is why you don't have a job in the field you went to school for. You don't have the degree!
Am I over-reacting or does she need to get told off?
--Rachel
Re: How do I deal with this? (Sister-in-Law problems)
The last one is kinda a big red flag? Heck yes. Willing to bet that acid was hers and not his and she's also dabbled in dropping acid, if not a full blown fan of it.
Stay away from her.
And based on all of the above you need to have as little contact with her as possible.
That she's a buttinski and isn't a fan of birth control isn't your problem: it is hers. Do yourself a favor: cut loose from her as soon as possible before this turns into a codependency and an enablement issue between you and her.
It sounds like she is an annoying person without a filter on her thoughts. I think you should just avoid her as much as possible and take the high road with her whenever she acts awful.
BTW, it's gross for a mom to BF in a bathroom. It's just.....well, where would she sit, on the toilet??? Um no. Moms should not have to be sent to a restroom to feed their babies.
I also am of the mindset that moms also don't have the right to whip out boobies in public or in places where people who are outside a very intimate circle of people (mom, husband, etc.) would see them. Moms should be covering themselves....it's just a matter of propriety and shows respect for others. Breast feeding moms do not trump other peoples' comfort.
If she needs to visit YOUR house in the future, as she enters you can whisper to her that you want her to be comfortable while nursing and that you made her a quiet room for her to sit with baby. It needs a door and a chair with some clean pillows. Show her the room. If she refuses, then you can just explain that as a host it's important to you to be sure every guest is comfortable, including her, the baby, and others around....it's your job to consider everyone's needs and comfort.
I HOPE this is MUD.
Use the bathroom if there is a lounge or a family room, perhaps where there is an area where she can relax and do it in private --- I vote you ask the management in advance where a woman can breastfeed without sitting on the throne or being out in the open. They will accommodate a nursing mother.
1. Saying something to her won't change how she is. Accept it and don't share too much with her. And ignore her when she starts spouting off with her opinions.
2. Who she gets pregnant by is none of your business. Sure, the guy is a loser but that's her problem to deal with.
3. What the f*** you actually asked her to breastfeed in the bathroom?!?! What the hell is wrong with you?! Insensitive, asinine and in most places against the law for businesses so that should tell you something. And as for covering up, a lot of babies will pull covers off anyway. And BFing mothers don't usually "whip it out".
I think the only thing you can do is limit your interactions with her. When you see here try to limit what you tell her about your personal life & just smile & nod & chug another glass of wine or bottle of beer...lol. I'm wondering if she is trying to put others down & appear more superior because of where her life has gone or hasn't gone.
I feel your frustration with the breastfeeding. I had a family member who was breastfeeding at the time of the wedding, I asked the venue prior to the event if there was an area she could go in private to feed if she needed to, they offered up their office. Luckily for me, she pumped before hand to make it easier at the reception.
Otherwise, butt out and let that one go. Actually, let ALL of the other stuff go too. She made a crappy life choice, how does that affect you? She gave you her opinion on your room colour in your house. So what?
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I breastfed and would not have been offended at all if someone asked me to be more discreet.
1. I don't think you had any right telling her she HAD to breastfeed in the bathroom. That is rude beyond belief. I understand it is your wedding, but you can't tell people they HAVE to wear a certain outfit, or they HAVE to behave a certain way. If it were me, I would have chose to decline your wedding.
2. She is a one-upper- a person who always wants to get the better and be better and tell everyone how much better they are. Ignore it and move on, nothing you can say will change her, it will become another story for her to use.
3. If you know how she is, why do you tell her about what colors you are going to paint? Just do it and move on .
Saying ANYTHING to her is most likely going to create problem between you and your in-laws and potentially your husband. I would think twice about that.
I don't think that saying anything is going to change her behavior in any way. You are just going to have to find a way to cope.
It is NOT okay to tell her that she has to breastfeed in the bathroom! There is no way that is acceptable behavior on your part. If that makes others uncomfortable that is on them, she is feeding her child.
My SIL/Bridesmaid BF at the wedding, but I have no idea where, because it ins't my business!
Be the change you want to see in the world!