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In-laws moving TOO CLOSE
I've come to realize my in-laws are a bunch of COPYCATS! We get engaged December 2012, his sister gets engaged a few months later after only being with the guy for barely a year. Then, we get married in November of 2013. His sister has a speedy wedding in January 2014. Then, we build our dream house from the ground up and choose every detail, inside and out. His sister is now building a house with her new husband, but they're not choosing details...because it was already being built when they found it (again, speedy).
Here's the worst of it all. We moved into our new house a little over a month ago and now his parents want to move. Who starts over at their age?! They want to move barely a street away from us, they are using our same realtor, want our same house builder and love the layout of our house! So basically, if they have it their way...their house could potentially be a street over and be the same exact layout as ours!!! This is NOT fair! I am so upset and mad about this. We spent months perfecting our dream house to get it to look the way we want it to look and then his parents are just "sick" of their 2-story house so now they want to move and be by us. This is too much and unfair.
I know I may sound like a baby but when you've spent the last 2 years of your life planning a wedding and sculpting your dream house all by yourself...it is not right when someone comes along and wants to copy you without asking you! And...our realtor should know better to NOT put them in our same neighborhood and not let them have a layout that looks anywhere CLOSE to ours! I mean, COME ON! Really?!
Re: In-laws moving TOO CLOSE
Not everything is about you. Your SIL knew the guy almost a year, plenty of time. She is building a new house, the horror.
Many, many people have "speedy" engagements. And as I assume she's probably in the same age range as your DH, she's probably in the normal "getting married" age.
And buying a house after getting married is pretty normal.
Really- except for maybe a slightly shorter engagement, their timeline doesn't seem to be all that different than yours. So... be careful about throwing stones. And be careful about this VERY self-centered view you have that you think everyone is making major life decisions based on YOU. IT's really pretty narcissistic.
The ILs. I'll let you in on a secret- a lot of people move and buy houses when they are (shocking!!!!) older. And if they are going from a 2 story to a one level house, that makes absolute sense. Stairs can be difficult for older people.
And I''ll tell you - if you moved into a neighborhood that has a set selection of house layouts, you're probably going to know quite a few people who have the same layout. While my house is over 50 years old, I've been in many different versions of my house over the past few years. It's what happens when you move into a neighborhood that has a certain group of house layouts.
I would be annoyed that my ILs were moving so close. On that I'm with you.
BUt the rest of it? Oh- and total, absolute LOL that you are actually blaming your realtor. How on earth is it his job to FORBID your parents from buying in your neighborhood or the same house?
I don't know what to tell you --- even if you keep it a secrfet they still will go ahead and do the same as you once it's out into the open.
TTC since September 2012
Every complaint that you have about your sister in-law's wedding is ridiculous. It isn't uncommon at all for people in similar stages of life to get engaged/married/purchase a house within a similar time frame. Their timeline really doesn't seem any more rushed than yours, and the fact that they're also building a house (without as much customization) isn't unusual, or a big deal (or even a little deal) at all.
To put things in perspective: I had a friend mail out her wedding invitations a week after I mailed out mine. She got married in the same church that I did, the week BEFORE I did. The idea of being offended or getting angry didn't even begin to cross my mind. We both probably had our date picked out for close to a year, but we just didn't realize the other had a date so close. It made sense that she would use the same church - we were both members. The only reason why I mailed out my invitations a week before she did is because I mailed mine out a little early because I had more out-of-town guests. Our wedding days weren't any less special just because of the close proximity to the other.
After we bought our house, my sister-in-law was in the process of considering a home purchase as well. I invited them over so that I could answer any of their home loan/buying questions, and share our experience and offer any advice that I could. They ended up deciding to wait, but I would have been thrilled to be able to swap home buying & repairing stories with them!
When you say you "sculpted" your home - did you draw the architectural designs from scratch, or did you just pick a layout from a few offered, and choose the colors/finishes/fixtures from the preselected options available? Because if you chose from options that are available, I hate to break it to you, but your house isn't going to be as special and unique as you think it is.
Your realtor is doing their job - it is not their responsibility to protect you from family drama.
My husband is very close to his parents, and so we've talked about the "what if your parents want to move across the street" possibility. Honestly, neither of us would be happy about it, but I don't think either of us would be actually willing to ask them not to. What if they're moving so close because the the area/house/price is great? I wouldn't want to deny them a great house just because I had issues with it.
We would simply set clear boundaries with them. As in - this is our house, we want you to visit, but we also need our privacy. I think with his parents, they'll always be involved no matter where we are, but no matter how close we are, they would never be the over-everyday type of parents. They're too busy for that. They would be more likely to invite us over if we lived close - and in that case (as now), we can just say "no thank you" if the timing doesn't work.
What is your relationship with your in-laws like? Do they expect to see you regularly now, and invite themselves over often, or do they have their own lives for the most part? Being closer to you will make visiting easier, but it likely won't completely change their life style from "active and independent" to "dependent on children and a constant nuisance." If you're really worried, have your husband talk to them about it, and let them know that living close does not mean your door will always be open to them. You might find out that they have the same concerns, and want their privacy just as much as you do.....maybe.
My question would be, how does your husband feel about his parents moving so close to you? The other stuff, to me seems insignificant. If he has a problem, or doesn't care, just respects your feelings, have him mention it to them. If you say something, there is likely to be bitterness, that will extend far into the future.
Be the change you want to see in the world!
It sounds like she's moving into a new, planned, neighborhood and from what I've seen of these kinds of neighborhoods, there is a set group of layouts you can choose from. it's not carte blanche to pick ANY layout EVER designed. There are a set few. And as such, other people are going to pick the same layout.
And if this isn't the case and her ILs could have picked from hundreds or thousands of other layouts, then clearly they are very unimaginative.
As PP’s have said, how long does one need to wait to get married? Unfortunately in families with more than 1 child people are going to have overlapping events in their life. My SIL got engaged the same year I did (before me), I did the polite thing of give her time to set a date, she didn’t I moved on. She planned her wedding the same year as mine, you can’t make a person hold off an entire year just because you’re having a wedding or baby or buying a house etc. It sucks to have someone else to share the spotlight with, but that’s life.
I also applaud her for a speedy wedding. In hindsight I would have gone to a freakin’ courthouse to avoid the fiasco that my year of wedding planning turned into. Weddings can be too expensive and extravagant, maybe she didn’t want that hoopla?
If they built their house before you, would you have liked the same model and want to buy the same house? Do you read Good Housekeeping or watch HGTV and use the ideas you see there? This is the same thing. Good for her for being able to build a house and make it the way she wants, most of us have to buy pre-build and redesign the house once we’re in there.
A lot of people downsize as they get older. My cousins just sold a bunch of land and built a new house next door to where they lived. It’s smaller, but beautiful. After going there I want the exact same house, I’m not a copycat I just like the design. My current house was built in a cookie cutter time, visit my neighborhood we’re all the same layout.
Give your IL’s a little bit of a break too, maybe they want to move to a better town. I’m limited to where I can live because of H’s job, some of the towns we can live in are terrible. If the opportunity came up to move to one a little better (better school system, less city/more country, not even in the state we live in) I would jump at the chance. They’ve worked hard to own a home, they deserve to be happy with the location.
I will not live near my IL’s and I’m thankful they’re not in a place to move anywhere close to my town never mind house. Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do if they move. Speak to your husband about boundaries that you will both set to not visit every day. Be clear with these boundaries before they move in. The realtor has nothing to do with this, they’re looking to make a sale if selling near you gets it done faster they’ll do it. Plus the realtor can’t change your IL’s mind. What if your realtor told you not to build near your IL’s would you have listened? Probably not…
Be careful how you talk to your husband too. I understand your frustration with the move and need to vent here. If you tell your husband your concerns exactly as you’ve done it here you will have a fight as you sound like you hate your IL’s. Valid concern or not they’re still his parents and still deserve respect it’s not like they’re hindering you from buying a house.