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Is it wrong I can't trust..
So, this is a long story. I was divorced last year after two years of being separated prior to the final divorce date. I had a really hard time with it.. My ex is type 1 diabetic sick and not to mention really good at manipulating me. I was dating someone during this time. ( we are now married) But back when me and the ex were going through the divorce my ex needed emergency eye surgery He had retinopathy( basically was going blind in eye) It was emergency surgery and I told him I would take him and he could stay to recover. ( he had moved out a long time before that but could not be alone) In the surgery recovery ( for two weeks) he had to lay facing down and could only get up to use bathroom. I couldn't let him stay in an apartment alone and not able to get food or cook etc for weeks. He could of died. His whole family lives out of state and no one would come here. So my husband ( bf at the time) was sooo upset.. I understand why. he felt threatened, he was worried he would move back in or we would get back together. My ex was also giving me ultimatums at the time saying he wouldn't have a second surgery ( the first one ended up not working) unless I would take him back. I was torn from both sides, promising my BF he would leave once recovered.. and that I had to do this or I would have tremendous guilt if anything happened..
He was not happy.. He ended up letting a friend talk him into going on a blind date. he went to dinner with this woman. ( 23 years old,, we were 35. not that it matters) I found out days later when I saw the texts from his friend setting up the date. According to my hubby, he thought for sure it was over btw us and I was going to take my ex back.. all the time I was a wreck trying to solve everything and trying to make sure my ex lived and it wasn't my fault if he didn't.. I ended up having my ex leave once he got better a few weeks later. and I worked it out with hubby despite the blind date. He texted the girl that he was in a relationship and it wasn't right that he did that. .. BUT I can't forget it and its been two years. I just can't trust him ,, He says well it wasn't under normal conditions. you moved your ex back in.. idk what to think. I know I married him.. should have thought of this before.. but I question myself and think I am being silly.. that he wouldn't do this for any other reason..
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Re: Is it wrong I can't trust..
You are a hell of a mess.
You were NEVER ready to marry your current H --- you are still emtotionally involved with your xH. You are pemritting him to manipulate you and you still have a thing for him.
Your current H has to have rocks in his head. A real man wold have taken off the second he saw you still "had it" for your former husband.
You have a codependency with him and your xH: what a 3some that is.
You do not have a healthy marriage dynamic.You have a codependency and he is a wimp for tolerating ANY man coming between the 2 of you. He should have kicked you to the curb when he found out your XH was still involved.
There is also a vow that goes "forsaking all others." that means nobody comes between you and your spouse.
And how would you like it if this was your H that had a xGF or xW that he "needed" to help??? I will bet the waterfront you would be just FURIOUS...right???
You are in the wrong by continuing to support this thing you've got going on with your xH. If you truly care about your H you would have made sure your former spouse was out of the picture, both physically and emotionally.
And you wouldn't have considered dating until you were emotionally free of your H, if you were smart. I don't think you have a brain in your head, to tell the truth.
You need to dump the xH and perhaps dump your current H, too: your marriage is flawed and I don't think it can be fixed. You had no business marrying your current H considering the way things are with your xH.
There was never any reason for you to be in contact with your xH once you legally separated: there are no minor kids involved. You needed to be done with him the second he was out the door.
And even if there were kids, the only communication you'd have had with him would be child related...and nothing MORE.
You probably wont listen to a thing we say. The fall out and a-hole rippping you are going to get from Nesties is going to be pretty severe; get ready.
I cannot even figure out WHY you remarried.
I cannot figure out why that wimp you are married to didn't tell you to take a flying leap once he saw who else was involved here: your xH.
And yu wanna know "Can I trust my xH? Can I? Can I, huh, can I?" Are you KIDDING???
I vote you call it quits with the both of them, get yourself into therapy and get help asap. What's happening isn't healthy and that you cannot fully commit to your spouse is bad news.
There were a few concerning things that happened a few years ago:
The first is that your boyfriend (now husband) didn't trust you enough with your ex husband to know that there was no possible way for you two to rekindle your romance. Or was there, and he was justifiably upset? Either founded or not, he didn't trust you, and that was concerning.
The second is that you took your ex husband in, despite the fact that your boyfriend objected. Were you not concerned about your boyfriend's feelings on the matter, or was your exhusband's care more important to you than your current relationship? If you really cared about both your exhusband's care, and your boyfriends feelings, you could have made arrangements for a nurse or a friend or coworker of your exhusband to stop by regularly. Your ex husband was a fully grown adult. If he really wanted to sacrifice his health to make a point, then let him - it would have been his choice.
The fact that your boyfriend (now husband) went on a date doesn't actually strike me as a huge problem. He apparently thought that your relationship was over. The fact that there was enough of a lack of communication for him to feel that way, was the problem.
All of that is now in the past. You can't go back and change it, so now it's time to focus on what you can change. Since your current husband obviously has problems with your helping or keeping in communication with your ex, then make sure that any link with him has been broken, if you haven't already done so. You also need to forgive your husband for going on a date because holding on to anger isn't helping anybody. At the time, you weren't married, so no commitment had been made to forsake all others. You also at the time made the very large misstep of casting aside your current husband's feelings in order to live in close quarters with your ex. Communication between the two of you was quite broken, but again - you can't go back and fix it.
Since then, you both chose to make a commitment to each other, so focus on that. If you have difficulty forgiving, and moving past previous troubles, then you should really consider seeking a counselor of some sort.