Update + love to everyone :)

barefootbluejean204 · October 2014

Hey gp! It's been quite a few months...been lurking some today and my heart goes out to those who have had losses since I have last visited this board...that is so heartbreaking and I will say special prayer for you to find healing in remembrance.

For anyone who cares...or is TTA...a quick update from me. For those who don't remember me, I was on here some last year when I was starting to go baby-crazy and it was not even registering on DH's radar (and still isn't.) (and a HUGE thank you to everyone on this board...you rescued me from a lot of loneliness during that time). I had a countdown ticker for when we would discuss it again. Well, we did about 2 months ago...and it puzzled me. Here's what he said basically: I asked if there was a certain goal that he wanted to reach before we started trying: building his company to a certain point, saving up a certain amount of money, a certain time period, etc. He said there was NOT and that he is just waiting "until it feels right." In my mind: well excuse me, but it has felt right to me for over a year now! So anyway, that's it in a nutshell...take it or leave it. I have been through a few different stages in the past year, and right now I am really feeling called to give him ONLY patience and love, and not even bring up anything baby-related. As for dealing with the ache of wanting to be a mother, I look to God for strength especially when I feel a vast disconnect with my husband at times. I just do not want to push him into something he is not ready for, especially something as big as trying to be a father.

Has anyone else experienced a waiting period where either you or your spouse has felt differently than you about when to start a family?

Love & Blessings to ALL

Apollo11235 · October 2014

Hi! I think I remember you! My husband was ready a couple years before I was. His patience paid off, I think, because we both wanted to be all in when we started trying, and I am now.

I'm sorry you're still waiting on your husband, but it's definitely good to wait until he's 100% on board. Your ages really aren't a concern yet, so try to just give it a little more time before you bring it up again (maybe set another "date" to discuss it in X months). You might consider talking to a therapist about how to cope while you wait, or perhaps he may want to talk to one to figure out what still doesn't "feel right" and how/when he thinks he can get there for you (and himself!).

GABride2010 · October 2014

Hi! I'm pretty new here, but DH and I are TTA as well. I have had baby fever for almost 4 years now, so I understand it being hard to wait on DH. I just keep reminding myself that if he isn't ready, then we aren't ready. One day it will be our turn to TTC though! Good luck with being patient!

lfk2013 · October 2014

I remember you.

I've had baby fever since we got engaged, but DH has been the hesitant one. Lately, he's considered moving up the timeline to beginning of 2015, but I am so set on next June that I said no. That would give us time to get our stuff more together.

barefootbluejean204 · October 2014

Aww thanks for remembering me yall!

Apollo, that is a very valid point about seeing a therapist, I actually did go to one in May a couple of times, that's one of the stages I went through with this...although she basically disregarded my desire for a child and instead told me to focus on myself and our marriage. Which is a good thing to do of course, but she seemed to disagree when I told her that it was a God-given desire on my heart and seemed to think that it was just emotional distress causing me to want to care for a baby to make me feel needed. Go figure.

GABride, fellow Southern belle

, I have the utmost respect for you....4 years seems like such a long time when I have only been waiting one year. What's your secret?

Lfk, glad you remember me :-) yeah that makes perfect sense to have a goal/plan and go from there. Being A type A planner, that's just how I am so I completely don't understand the "waiting till it feels right" mentality.

Lord help!

Ewenice83 · October 2014

My DH was adamant about waiting five years from the time we got married to start a family. He couldn't explain why, but he was stuck on that number. Part of it was that he is afraid of change and he was afraid of bringing a baby home and how it would affect our lives. Now that we have our DD here, he is much less apprehensive about bringing home a second child.

I didn't want to push or force my husband into having a baby when he was not ready. It was a heartbreaking, long, painful wait, but very much worth it in the end. I made sure he knew how I felt. At the same time, I needed to keep my eyes and heart open to how he was feeling.

GABride2010 · October 2014

@barefootbluejean204 It is hard to wait...that is for sure. I got a hobby (teaching myself to cook), and I focus on other aspects of my life like work, my friends' babies/kids, and I decided to go to grad school two years ago.

DH and I also wanted to be married 5 years before we started TTC, so it has worked out for us. We wanted to have a good bit of "us" time before adding children to our family. We were also young when we got married: I was 22, and he was 25. I think if we had been in our mid to late thirties, then our timeline would have been different.

Update + love to everyone :)

Re: Update + love to everyone :)

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