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grateful we've planned, but really?

so H has again lost his second job (this is his 3rd in the last year).  We've mostly been using the extra income to boost savings, pay off loans faster, and work on some home projects, so we're not in danger of not being able to pay our bills, we'll have to tighten up our spending a little more, and won't be able to be quite so generous at Christmas, but we'll survive. It does mean that it's going to take us longer to save to renovate the basement (major goal before TTC because it will allow us to drop PMI from our mortgage and to turn our current second bedroom into a nursury and still have a place for my parents to stay). It's not the end of the world, but I'm feeling bummed. 

I've had a $7K figure in my head for the basement, I'm considering getting my contractor friend to put together an estimate for us so that I have a real figure.  the advantage is that H would be home during the day and could help with the basement so would probably lower our labor costs. 

I've lost faith in H's ability to hold 2 jobs, he will not share the reasons they let him go with me, so I get the feeling he's embarassed about it. his boss has agreed that he'll try to give him as many hours as he can as long as higher-ups allow it. I'm trying to stay on the positive side of things, H will be home during the day so the dog won't spend as much time in her crate, he can get some things done around the house (he actually asked me to make a list yesterday), he's going to go through the basement and find some things to sell (I've already IDed the snow tires from his car we sold last summer, the dog crate that's too big for the dog, and a couple appliances that we upgraded around the wedding), and he's going to see if he can find some odd-jobs he might be able to do for people to make a little money on the side.  He's also going to try to get back into working out, he's got 20-30lbs that he could loose, so that's also good. 

I'm so thankful for this board for having helped us stay focused on what's important so that my reaction when he told me yesterday was "ok, we can make this work" not "#$&*, what are we going to do?"
Me: 28 H: 30
Married 07/14/2012
TTC #1 January 2015
BFP! 3/27/15 Baby Girl!! EDD:12/7/2015

Re: grateful we've planned, but really?

  • I'm so sorry to hear :( It sounds like you guys will be fine, but it's still always tough when that stuff happens.

    What type of work is his first job again? I ask because this can be a good type of year to start applying for holiday work if it would all fit in and you decide it would be worth it to save for the basement more quickly.
  • He's a manager at FedEx, I'm not sure that a second job would fit in right now. they were willing to make it work with the other one (bank teller) because the hours were very fixed (haha, bank hours 12-5).  

    Last year he ended-up with a few weeks of 70-80hours a week, so lots of OT, BUT the senior manager was going through a messy divorce during the holidays last year, so were really not sure what he can count on this year, right now I'm thinking it'll probably be another 3-4 weeks where he's been recently (30-35 hours) and then maybe 35-40hours through Christmas...I'm trying to be conservative in my estimating. so hopefully if he gets more hours that can just be directly diverted into savings for the basement. 

    He is thinking of looking for something that is full-time with more regular hours after the holidays, or trying to push FedEx to find something full-time for him. 

    Me: 28 H: 30
    Married 07/14/2012
    TTC #1 January 2015
    BFP! 3/27/15 Baby Girl!! EDD:12/7/2015
  • You need to know WHAT is going on with his high rate of loosing jobs - even if they are second jobs.
    You can't fix what you do not acknowledge is a problem

    7K is an unrealistic amount IMO for a basement renovation --we spent that for just the plumbing and electrical changes in our basement (done by electricians and plumbers) - but I do not know what your basement is like, the condition nor what needs to be changed.
    Other than electrical and plumbing we did the work ourselves.
    This is what we did: New basement windows, removed old pine from walls and stripped down to the cement block then put up studs, framed out a section for a new laundry/storage/mechanical area, insulation, reinstalled some of the old pine paneling and painted it - added new wood panels where needed  & painted,  new ceiling, flooring, and a complete bathroom redo (total gut & reframe,
    Then we added cabinetry on 2 walls, area rugs, furniture and new TV.

    Even if you do the work yourself - get an estimate from a contractor, have a list of what NEEDS to be done -( do you need to upgrade your electrical box, add outlets, change any plumbing, HVAC changes to heat the area etc 0  then add your wants. Check local codes etc.

    Price this out BEFORE you even think of beginning

  • Sisugal said:
    You need to know WHAT is going on with his high rate of loosing jobs - even if they are second jobs.
    You can't fix what you do not acknowledge is a problem

    7K is an unrealistic amount IMO for a basement renovation --we spent that for just the plumbing and electrical changes in our basement (done by electricians and plumbers) - but I do not know what your basement is like, the condition nor what needs to be changed.
    Other than electrical and plumbing we did the work ourselves.
    This is what we did: New basement windows, removed old pine from walls and stripped down to the cement block then put up studs, framed out a section for a new laundry/storage/mechanical area, insulation, reinstalled some of the old pine paneling and painted it - added new wood panels where needed  & painted,  new ceiling, flooring, and a complete bathroom redo (total gut & reframe,
    Then we added cabinetry on 2 walls, area rugs, furniture and new TV.

    Even if you do the work yourself - get an estimate from a contractor, have a list of what NEEDS to be done -( do you need to upgrade your electrical box, add outlets, change any plumbing, HVAC changes to heat the area etc 0  then add your wants. Check local codes etc.

    Price this out BEFORE you even think of beginning

    agreed, I'm going to try to find out what kind of feedback and reasons he was given for being let go, I know past jobs it was an efficiency issue, he said he draw was frequently short (claiming co-workers told him it happens sometimes and not to worry about it...but I feel like he probably should have taken that more seriously, I know when I worked in retail draw shortages were serious). 

    we are not adding a bathroom to the basement, there is very little that needs to be torn out, the windows down there are good. so we're talking about framing out some walls, putting in basic electric, hanging dry-wall, floors and a drop-ceiling. I am going to bring in my friend for an estimate before any work is started.  my friend who owns his own contracting business said $7K sounded reasonable and maybe even a little high for what we're looking for. It sounds like our project is a lot less than what your basement involved. there is already duct work for our forced hot air heating system down there, right now we keep the vents closed, I'm not sure how efficient it is at heating that space, but we could find out fairly easily.  realistically we may also want different heat down there so it can be on a different zone and not be heated when we aren't using it. 

    I've also looked into the codes and paperwork required by our town to start the project. 
    Me: 28 H: 30
    Married 07/14/2012
    TTC #1 January 2015
    BFP! 3/27/15 Baby Girl!! EDD:12/7/2015
  • Gdaisy09 said:

    He's a manager at FedEx, I'm not sure that a second job would fit in right now. they were willing to make it work with the other one (bank teller) because the hours were very fixed (haha, bank hours 12-5).  


    Last year he ended-up with a few weeks of 70-80hours a week, so lots of OT, BUT the senior manager was going through a messy divorce during the holidays last year, so were really not sure what he can count on this year, right now I'm thinking it'll probably be another 3-4 weeks where he's been recently (30-35 hours) and then maybe 35-40hours through Christmas...I'm trying to be conservative in my estimating. so hopefully if he gets more hours that can just be directly diverted into savings for the basement. 

    He is thinking of looking for something that is full-time with more regular hours after the holidays, or trying to push FedEx to find something full-time for him. 

    Ugh, sounds like they're just trying to dance around offering him health insurance. I do see how it could be hard to work a second job with that substantial of a first. Hopefully he'll get good holiday hours!

    I do agree with PP that'd I'd want him to share what happened, even if he needs to cool down a bit first.
  • He's a manager at FedEx, I'm not sure that a second job would fit in right now. they were willing to make it work with the other one (bank teller) because the hours were very fixed (haha, bank hours 12-5).  

    Last year he ended-up with a few weeks of 70-80hours a week, so lots of OT, BUT the senior manager was going through a messy divorce during the holidays last year, so were really not sure what he can count on this year, right now I'm thinking it'll probably be another 3-4 weeks where he's been recently (30-35 hours) and then maybe 35-40hours through Christmas...I'm trying to be conservative in my estimating. so hopefully if he gets more hours that can just be directly diverted into savings for the basement. 

    He is thinking of looking for something that is full-time with more regular hours after the holidays, or trying to push FedEx to find something full-time for him. 

    Ugh, sounds like they're just trying to dance around offering him health insurance. I do see how it could be hard to work a second job with that substantial of a first. Hopefully he'll get good holiday hours! I do agree with PP that'd I'd want him to share what happened, even if he needs to cool down a bit first.
    he actually has full benefits (health, dental, retirement).  I think it's more of an OT thing...not sure why they wouldn't just make the managers salaried...but they might be justified in negotiating higher salaries given the amount of extra hours they work during the holidays. 

    there are 2 PT managers on staff...I think it has to do with having 30 hours of a buffer between the two of them before either hits OT (both are hired to work 25 hours a week). 

    eventually I'll see if I can find out what happened...for now I think he needs me to just not freak out so that other things don't spin out of control. he acts so confused about why he got fired, thinking that he had been an ideal employee (duh, ideal employees don't get fired). I'm a little worried that what happens is that he gets a big head and THAT is what gets him in trouble...I'd worry about the same thing happening at FedEx. 

    Me: 28 H: 30
    Married 07/14/2012
    TTC #1 January 2015
    BFP! 3/27/15 Baby Girl!! EDD:12/7/2015
  • I'm a teller manager, and I can tell you that the main reason most tellers get fired is for either large differences, or frequent differences, especially if its still during the probation period.  But whatever the reason might be, I am glad you guys will be ok without his p/t job. 


  • I'm a teller manager, and I can tell you that the main reason most tellers get fired is for either large differences, or frequent differences, especially if its still during the probation period.  But whatever the reason might be, I am glad you guys will be ok without his p/t job. 

    he was outside of the probation period.  he did say frequent small differences was one of the reasons cited, his co-workers reassured him that it happens sometimes and not to worry about it...but i guess he wasn't diligent enough in reducing the number of errors he made. I got the feeling, from what he told me, that it may have been a personality thing and they were grasping for documentation to get rid of him.  he said one reason was errors in entering deposits in the system...entering the wrong account number under the wrong type of account, he said something about higherups not realizing that if someone handed him a checking deposit slip with their savings account number on it that it counted against him when he entered it in the system. the other was arriving on time for his shift...which started at noon, he said despite clocking in and having his drawer set in place by noon consistently, they were expecting him to arrive earlier than his shift (as early as 11:30)...that seems strange to me. 

    I think H is guilty of not asking for clarification or help when he needs it...asking someone if there is a way to tell the difference between a checking account number and a savings account number, asking for clarification on how early they're expecting him to arrive for his shift, etc. 

    as long as he doesn't slip into his sleep and watch tv all day pattern that happend last time he was only working one PT position things will be OK, if he can contribute to keeping the house clean, walking the dog more, and a lot of the errands I usually run because my schedule has been more flexible I'm ok with the drop in income, and I can deal with delaying plans 6 months to a year. But if this turns into no less work at home for me and extra sleeping time for him, that's where we'll have problems. 
    Me: 28 H: 30
    Married 07/14/2012
    TTC #1 January 2015
    BFP! 3/27/15 Baby Girl!! EDD:12/7/2015
  • It sounds like it wasn't a good fit for him, personality or skill-set wise, unfortunately. Glad he shared the reasons with you, though. Hopefully he'll rise to the occasion on helping out at home. I've been through a situation where that didn't happen once, too, and it was so hard. Luckily my H (then-BF) definitely learned from it and changed his ways, so it is definitely possible!
  • I'm wondering if exhaustion could have played a factor into the amount of erros that he was making. Working two jobs is very demanding and can take a toll on a person. For right now it sound like a great plan that he has to work on sellling stuff you guys don't need/use because it will clear space up while bringing in some money and if he helps around the house then that frees up time for you. You have great goals in mind, but maybe it's better if the basement gets put on hold for a few months so he can kind of regroup, get a few smaller projects done around the house (getting rid of unused items), then go for it again.
  • Erikan73 said:
    I'm wondering if exhaustion could have played a factor into the amount of erros that he was making. Working two jobs is very demanding and can take a toll on a person. For right now it sound like a great plan that he has to work on sellling stuff you guys don't need/use because it will clear space up while bringing in some money and if he helps around the house then that frees up time for you. You have great goals in mind, but maybe it's better if the basement gets put on hold for a few months so he can kind of regroup, get a few smaller projects done around the house (getting rid of unused items), then go for it again.
    Thanks...it's what's going to have to happen.  we had hoped to start on the basement in February or March (we were planning to start TTC in May/June). we'll just have to push things back (by my best estimation 6-12 months). I'm a little sad, but it's what needs to happen. 

    I'm certain exhaustion played a role.  In reality he was working 50-60 hours weeks and is not involved in anything outside of work, so I had a hard time, sometimes understanding how he seemed to make everything so hard for himself.  I get that some people can't go-go-go all the time, but I've managed to balance 2 jobs, and getting a masters degree over the last 3 years, so sometimes I react badly when he blames everything on how tired he is. 

    *sigh* I'm continuing to look at the positive side of things.  He was a little down on himself all weekend, which is understandable, but this week I'm planning to have a conversation with him. basically, as long as he can help out at home so I don't feel so crazy all the time trying to balance everything I have going on and all the stuff at home, I can make myself be OK with the drop in income and pushing our timeline back. and who knows, if his overtime through the holidays looks like it did last year we may not have to push things back that much.  and my boss is working on another raise for me, so maybe I'll just be the one whose career we focus on. if we did start a family while he's at this job most of the time we'd only need a couple hours of childcare each morning since he's usually home between 10am and 11am...maybe not even that because I can successfully telecommute for most of my job, so maybe I'd just work mornings from home. 
    Me: 28 H: 30
    Married 07/14/2012
    TTC #1 January 2015
    BFP! 3/27/15 Baby Girl!! EDD:12/7/2015
  • Gdaisy - your dynamic with your H regarding the "go go go " thing reminds me a lot of mine with my H.  It is tough, because I think that you should not need to sit on the couch and watch TV for an hour after work, and then spend an hour on the computer THEN go workout for an hour making it so that I am making dinner without help when I get home at 8pm.  but he needs that time to unwind.  we are working on finding ways to make it easier to manage our two personalities.  not helpful, just sympathizing. 
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