How many nights do you cook for your man?

sbrickwell · October 2014

I love cooking but I hate grocery shopping. I got a crockpot cause I can set it and forget it. But I can't use it every single day cause I work every single day. He has every other night off, but doesn't cook. I figured maybe I should cook only 2-3 nights a week and he can take me out to dinner in return. I just don't want him used to having me cook meals all the time. He doesn't expect me to make dinner, but I hate hearing, 'What should we do for dinner?' I work 9-5, he works nights every other day. What do you guys think?

GilliC · October 2014

sbrickwell said:
I love cooking but I hate grocery shopping. I got a crockpot cause I can set it and forget it. But I can't use it every single day cause I work every single day. He has every other night off, but doesn't cook. I figured maybe I should cook only 2-3 nights a week and he can take me out to dinner in return. I just don't want him used to having me cook meals all the time. He doesn't expect me to make dinner, but I hate hearing, 'What should we do for dinner?' I work 9-5, he works nights every other day. What do you guys think?

What does he suggest?

Since this is an agreement between the two of you that involves shared financial and time components, you need to be on the same page.

I can't really make a suggestion, because I've never been in a situation where I lived with a guy and didn't have shared finances in place to cover this kind of joint decision. So the idea of "he can take me out to dinner" didn't really apply (since that would have been coming half out of my own money).

Why doesn't he cook? He dislikes it? Doesn't know how?

Him "taking you out" in lieu of accepting his share of meal responsibilities doesn't seem like a sustainable solution if you do start sharing finances. I don't really see anything wrong with splitting meals between you cooking and dining out as long as you can afford it and find healthy dining options, but given that you posted this, maybe you're feeling like he should shoulder a bit more of the responsibility? If he cannot or will not cook, perhaps he can take on another household responsibility instead that you'd rather not do.

As for the food, if you want to avoid eating out, on the nights you do cook, make enough for leftovers. Or look at cook-once-eat-twice recipes where you can easily repurpose the leftovers into a new dish.

sbrickwell · October 2014

Yea, probably best to cook a big batch of something and have leftovers. Cause I don't need to cook on the nights he works. Thanks

Xstatic3333 · October 2014

In my house I cook most nights, but that's because H contributes in other ways (mowing the lawn, vacuuming, laundry, etc.) If I'm ever feeling burnt out I just ask him to take over for a night and he doesn't mind. Going out multiple times a week wouldn't work for us financially; we just do it sporadically and see it as "entertainment" not sustenance.

nurse714 · October 2014

I cook every day with a few exceptions.

BlueBirdMB · October 2014

sbrickwell said:

I love cooking but I hate grocery shopping. I got a crockpot cause I can set it and forget it. But I can't use it every single day cause I work every single day. He has every other night off, but doesn't cook. I figured maybe I should cook only 2-3 nights a week and he can take me out to dinner in return. I just don't want him used to having me cook meals all the time. He doesn't expect me to make dinner, but I hate hearing, 'What should we do for dinner?' I work 9-5, he works nights every other day. What do you guys think?

We used to share the cooking a lot more. I would plan the meals and write the grocery list and have the recipe waiting for him on the day of. Now he travels for work, so I do most of the cooking, but he does all the dish washing when he's home.

I don't mind cooking or meal planning at all, and H actually argues he should cook more, but I enjoy it and find it relaxing, so I've used his traveling as an excuse to cook even when he's home. If you really want him to cook, then he should cook when he's not working and it shouldn't be an argument. I've always cooked only about 3 meals a week, but in large enough quantities that we can have leftovers.

The whole "takes me to to dinner as payment" thing, rubs me the wrong way. It's like when woman go on a shopping spree when their husband pissed them off. It's both of your money, so it's not really him gifting to you- do you want to spend money that way?

feedthefelines · October 2014

My boyfriend works nights as well, and his days off are in the middle of the week. Usually on my weekend (Saturday and Sunday), I cook most of our food for the week. Then on one of his weekend days we go out for dinner since that's one of the few meals we get to eat together. He almost always pays for our 'date meal'. He's a horrible cook (and doesn't enjoy it like I do), so this plan really works for us.

OtterJ · October 2014

Depending on your abilities and preferences, there are several options that you can work out together.

Meal planning - it can be really difficult to get into the habit of doing it (or at least, it is difficult for me to keep the habit), but when it's done, it makes life so much easier! It makes it easier to go grocery shopping, and it takes out any "what's for dinner" question.
Fix large meals - Right now, with only two of us, I love to cook enough for lots of leftovers. We can use the leftovers for next-day lunch, or a lazy dinner.
Fix ahead crock pot recipes - You do a little prep, toss all of the ingredients into a bag, and freeze it until you need it. I know some people who do all of their meal prep for the entire week on Sunday. Each morning they take out a bag to thaw, and toss the ingredients into a crock pot when it's time. The "toss it into a crock pot" part is something that he can do on nights he doesn't work.
Be responsible for overseeing, not doing - this works for some households, where a person is responsible for making sure that something (like cooking) always gets done. Sometimes they are the one to do it, but sometimes they delegate someone else to do it. So some nights, your response to "what's for dinner" is "whatever you cook." This works well in combination with meal planning, so it isn't sprung on someone at the last minute that they have to fix something for dinner.
Cheater meals - Every week my husband and I have two nights where neither one of us gets home until 7:30 or 8:30. There's not enough time to cook a big meal (plus, we're tired), and take out gets boring. So, we stock our freezer with quick and simple meals that don't require much time or effort. Frozen pizzas, pre-fixed frozen skillet meals, sandwich supplies, etc. Pair it with a salad (already washed and waiting), and you're done. It's the type of thing that even someone who doesn't know how to cook, can prepare.
Trading chores - if you try to ease him into helping to prepare meals, and it simply does not work, maybe you could agree on him taking care of other responsibilities. Like grocery shopping, or doing the dishes. "I cook, you clean" is a more equal trade than "I cook, you take me out."

The most important thing at this point is to talk with your significant other about how to handle dinners, because you each need to have a say in it. As others have said, if you are in a serious relationship, you should both agree on & share financial burdens, as well as household responsibilities.

To answer the question in the title: lately we average 2 nights a week. The rest of the nights are leftovers, going out, or fixing cheater meals (which I don't really count as cooking). I would love to cook a lot more, but that's our reality for now. When our schedules allow it, we really enjoy cooking together (he often helps me).

sbrickwell · October 2014

Thank you ladies for your advice. I'm just gonna make things easier and just get easy quick recipes that don't require a long grocery list. Like last night, we had chili with cheese, fritos and sour cream on top. He loved it. It's obviously not gourmet. But, hey, it was easy and quick and he liked it

My big goal is to NOT go to the McDonald's drive thru.

Jaje09182010 · October 2014

I try to cook about 3 times a week, we do leftovers about 2 times a week, order in maybe once a week and go out maybe once a week- seems to work well

Erikan73 · October 2014

My husband is the one who ends up cooking dinner. He gets home about 30 minutes before I do so he gets started on it and it's usually ready or close to ready by time I get home. In exchange I put away any leftovers and clean up the kitchen. We actually plan our menus a lot around the weather. We love to grill, so when it's not raining, we grill. Now that it's getting colder, we'll start using the oven more.

MissAmandaAnn · November 2014

I cook probably 5 nights a week. I enjoy it (hate the grocery shopping pary though!).

runnergirl86 · November 2014

My husband and I look at recipes online every SAT or SUN and place them on a shared google calendar for TUE-MON. We try to go grocery shopping on MON, but if needed TUE after work. Then, whomever gets home first begins cooking the meal. Whomever comes home second will help finish cooking, set the table, wash the dishes being placed in the sink. It's nice because we're both imputing what we would like to eat, making sure the recipes are too difficult if he ends up having to cook the entire meal. This system has worked for us, but my husband enjoys cooking. We also do a lot of crockpot/casserole dishes that can be made the night before then turned on/put in the oven. The best of luck.

xNimirrax · November 2014

I hate grocery shopping as well. I also hate the "What's for dinner" question. So our arrangement is that he does the grocery shopping and for the most part decides what our meals will be during the week and then I prepare them.

Bubblegum5586 · November 2014

Currently H works late and commutes far so I cook 99% of the meals so they are ready when he gets home. 2 years ago I worked late and commuted far.... so in that time H cooked 99% of the meals to be ready when I was home.

For a quick easy cheap recipe: We do the Campbell's Chunky Soups over rice. Far from Gourmet but does the trick when you don't want to spend a lot of money or time!

jessiebrashaffer · November 2014

jessiebrashaffer · November 2014

How many nights do you cook for your man?

Re: How many nights do you cook for your man?

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