Family Matters
wlcoon
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Not sure what I want or what to do or how to feel...
Back story info: DH and I have been married almost 2 years. We know each other's families pretty well and get along. DH has 2 more years of school til he's finished and right after that he will go from Reserves to Active Duty in the Air Force. I've been on birth control for a few years and sex has almost always been super painful for me. I've been to lots of specialists and one of the last things we're trying to do to fix this problem is to take me off the pill and any other artificial hormones that could be causing so much trouble "down there". I've been referred to the FAM of birth control and this is my first cycle not on hormonal birth control.
Now to get to the family/financial issues: H and I planned from the start to wait to have children at the very least until he graduated for financial reasons. Even though I want children eventually I'm more than ok with that... However with the struggle of pain during sex it has severely hurt our intimacy. He is so understanding but I can see we're both getting weary of dealing with this and I finally decided we couldn't do 2 more years of this without at least trying to see if the lack of the pill hormones help. My MIL has been pushing for babies ever since we got married. She goes back and forth from saying "I need grandchildren before I die! Eat healthy so I can have healthy grand babies!" To settling for "oh no no it's ok. You need to finish school first." Her health condition is deteriorating though.... I'm actually kind of worried that we may not have children soon enough for her to enjoy them which makes me really sad. On the other hand my mom seems to be the opposite. She's always telling me how we can't afford kids right now and always makes sure to mention that my children won't be covered on our health insurance til H is Active Duty. Which is true... but she says it so passionately that I would fear her disappointment and scolding by even telling her I got pregnant. Then there's my husband. He's supportive of this method but doesn't think it's reliable yet... I'm just afraid he'd resent me for quitting the birth control if while I was getting used to charting I did accidentally conceive.
I just feel like I have different messages and motives coming from all directions and I don't know how to feel.
Re: Not sure what I want or what to do or how to feel...
Until you get good at charting, I'd suggest using condoms as a back up method (not fun, I know, but it doesn't seem like you guys are ready for kids just yet-- then you avoid the potential resentment of an "oops" baby). Definitely calls for a serious conversation with your H to get him on board with any method you pick since it's a team responsibility/choice.
ALL of this. You really need to stop listening to both of your mothers. Today. Their "messages" don't matter. You and your DH need to figure out what works for the TWO OF YOU and that's it.
What you and your H stand together on.
You have decided no kids right now.
That's it. That's all anybody needs to know.
After that, there is no more discussion from the parents or anybody else. It's a given that that is the end of the discussion.
And if they are polite women, they will make sure they do not bring up the topic again.
For now, get to the bottom of your pain with sex issue. Find another doctor; don't stop until you get the results you desire.
As I said, it could be something physical like a hormone problem or maybe even an intact hymen or fibroids or just about anything else that could cause the problem --- or it also could be psychological.
For your own information and peace of mind, perhaps you and your H can see a sex therapist and bounce this issue off him or her.
Take care of yourselves and to hell with everybody's opinion.:) GL.
PS: FAM has been used with great success, even for women whose cycles are irregular. There should be a ton of support forums on line on the internet.:)
Can you tell me what the name of the med is?