January 2012 Weddings
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Holiday Plans

So.. here's the thing. I had two wonderful families, who got along, who talked, would spend holidays together, so on and so forth. Well, moving day happened. I could write a novel on what really happened, but I'm not even emotionally ready to talk about that yet, nor do you all want to read the long drawn out story. Needless to say, an exchange of words happened, and now the sets of parents refuse to talk to each other. I'm actually with J on his parents side, which has been incredibly difficult. My parents refuse to apologize, because they feel they did nothing wrong, and J's parents are waiting for an apology that they will never get.

Regardless, I need some advice. Does anyone else have ILs that don't get along? How do you deal with holidays? Because if I don't spend time with each, I never will hear the end of it.
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Re: Holiday Plans

  • Tell them you're hosting at your house and those who want to see you can come there?
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  • I thought about it. But we usually go to my husband's grandmother's, and I don't know that she will be a fan of a new tradition. 
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  • Since we live far from our families we deal with it a lot. We do half days or Christmas eve with one and Christmas day with another.   Another option would be to tell people that if they can't get along, then you won't be coming to either families.  I have done that and it had worked for us in the past.  Think of it this way...if you don't solve the problem now, what will it be like in the future?

    Sorry you have to deal with that.
  • I was thinking about that. Just saying to J that maybe we should go on a short vacation because we can. I might just have to stand up to each of them.

    Thanks.
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  • I don't have any advice but dealing with family drama as well and not sure what to do.
  • We always went to my grandparents separately while I was growing up. We visitied my mom's side of the family in the early afternoon and my dad's side in the late afternoon.

    I hope everyone is able to make up eventually.
    Daisypath - (B4ZA)
    Lilypie - (V3N1)
  • teedaaleeteedaalee member
    First Comment
    edited November 2014

    That’s such a tough situation! Hopefully your in-laws will be able to work through things before the holidays!

    teedaalee0712

  • Welcome to the board @teedaalee0712.  Make an intro post so we know more about you.
  • Think how nice it will be to get away.  No presents, no stress, no drama.  My vote is a trip!
  • I love the trip idea!! And I'm not much help. Growing up my moms family was in another state so we always celebrated seperately with each side of the family. Even now P's family and my family are in different states sober don't celebrate together. We just take turns.
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  • And to chime in we are planning on having Christmas here just us. Any of our family is welcome to come but so far no one is planning to. As for Thanksgiving, ugh. My mom can't make up her mind on what they are doing and we are waiting on her to decide.
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  • Thanks. I want to see how things go, but the trip might be the best. The thing that sucks is I would choose his family, hands down, because we only see them on holidays. But then my parent's feelings are hurt, because I don't spend the holiday with them, even though, again, we see all of them, all the time.
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  • Could you do Thanksgiving with one side and Christmas with the other? Or maybe spend Christmas Eve with one side and Christmas Day with the other? This year we'll be spending Christmas Day with dh's family and the day after with mine, what's left after we travel anyway.
    Daisypath - (B4ZA)
    Lilypie - (V3N1)
  • shellyamf said:
    and my family are in different states sober don't celebrate together. We just take turns.
    Nice typo....:)
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  • My 2 cents again...

    set a precedence now..What is going to be like when you have kids.  I know would go to his family but is your family going to be possessive forever? When you have kids everyone is going to want to see the kid.  They need to get themselves in check and realize that they aren't the only ones in your life.

    I am sorry if I am crossing the line. It just irritates me because it was like this for us growing up and was super stressful.
  • That's why I'm worried the most. Time is really what they need, but I really need to make a decision that's going to last a while.

    Yes, they probably will be possessive forever. 

    And not crossing the line. I'm just hoping it won't be like this forever. I don't want it to be.
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