Family Matters
Nells08
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Fairness during the Holidays
Hi All,
My husband and I decided it would be best to share holidays with our families (as most do I assume). My family lives approx 500 miles away (8 hour drive) and my inlaws live 2 blocks away. This year, we are going to my family's home for Thanksgiving and will go to his family's for Christmas. We flip flop the next year to be fair. However....his family has decided that when we travel to my family's home for a holiday, we would celebrate that holiday with his family the week before.
Now im not sure if I am being ridiculous or not, but I don't think its fair that they get to spend every Christmas and Thanksgiving with us when my family can't do the same. We see his parents a few times per week because they live so close, so its not like they rarely see us. I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts on this dilemma!
Re: Fairness during the Holidays
This is a silly pissing contest to get into. Really, it is. Life isn't fair. You don't live near your family. that sucks. But his family shouldn't be punished for it.
if you have kids, are you going to keep them from his parents because your parents can't see them as often?
However, this is only if your DH feels this way too. If he doesn't care and/or doesn't really want to see his family, that's fine. But if he does - don't go down this path of refusing time w/ his family because it's not "fair".
As someone who deals with the same situation, VOR is right. Does it suck that you don't get to see your family as often? Yes. Should your H's family be punished for that? Absolutely not. If you guys simply don't want to see his family the week before a holiday because you see them a ton already and it doesn't work for you, then don't.
I deal with the same thing too - my MIL has a habit of trying to plan extra stuff and then heaven forbid you tell her that it doesn't work for you, she will keep throwing out other dates until you finally say okay that works. Annoying yes, but what can you do?
If you don't WANT to have a second holiday or if your schedule doesn't allow for it, then you don't HAVE to attend. However, not spending time with the family that you have readily available, just because you won't also be able to spend time with family that isn't readily available seems a little silly.
My husband and I celebrate Christmas with his parents a week before, but that is because he hasn't been on speaking terms with on of his siblings for a long time and they always come in for Christmas with their family. Back story, husband had a falling out with his family a long time ago, has made amends with everyone but one sibling, so that's why we do it this way.
I know for Thanksgiving, my nephew has multiple Thanksgivings. He is at his mom's (my sister's) on Thanksgiving & then his dad's family celebrates on Friday. His dad's family decided that it was easier to let everyone go some where else on Thursday & have the whole day with each other on Friday. Between divorced parents who have remarried & now the kids are getting married & have in-laws also to deal with it's so much more enjoyable not for them to prepare all the food & no one eats or doesn't show because they already ate somewhere else.
So bascially what I'm saying is that is it a little bit of a pain, probably, but sometimes you have to adjust to families to accomodate everyone. I would rather celebrate a holiday twice then have family members bummed that they didn't get to see us open the gifts that they picked out for us.
I read through all of the other comments and I don't believe anyone has been rude. Perhaps you were looking for someone to agree with you and now you don't like the replies.
I feel that you shouldn't be seeing this as the big issue you are making it into because you are still spending Christmas with your family and only celebrating a "Mock" Christmas with your in-laws a week before. I think it's sweet that your in-laws are such nice people that they are willing to do this to spend time with you and your family.
I say if you are able to spend time with family, then why not? Just because you can't be with your family for every holiday doesn't mean you should punish your ILs for living close by.