Family Matters
Ellalella09
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
My sister did not ask me to be a bridesmaid?
Hello there
What ticks me off is that I was asked to do invitations and be a bridesmaid. And now I am nothing, with no explanation.
About a year and a half - 2 years ago, my sister got engaged. She announced it, and over the next couple of weeks, asked our other sister and I to be bridesmaid, discussed what colors we would wear, asked me to make her wedding invitations (because that kind of thing is my specialty) and a few other things. We knew that she wouldn't be able to afford a wedding straight away. She also lived in a different city to the rest of our family, 30 hours away. She ended up moving back a year ago.
About 5 months ago, she announced her wedding would be this December. I started making invitations straight away, and before I even posed them to her, she asked me whether I could print out her invitations. I was a bit taken aback because I didn't know who made them, or why I would need to print them. I never ended up printing them, she did them herself.
She never said anything to me again about being a bridesmaid. I knew I was not a bridesmaid anymore but it was only confirmed today, when I asked my mother what color dresses the bridesmaids were wearing, so as to avoid wearing the same (incidentally the dress I had chosen, just happened to be the same color as her bridesmaid dresses - my luck). I don't know if my other sister is a bridesmaid, but I am too embarrassed to ask!
Everybody else in our family has a special role in the wedding. My mum is helping with planning and shopping, my sister is making her cake, my brother was elected to walk her down the aisle (I think my mother will be doing it though - father is passed away), and all her friends will be her bridesmaids - which I assume they meant nothing to her while she was living 30 hours away (because originally she would have 3 bridesmaids, her 2 sisters and a friend).
What ticks me off is that I was asked to do invitations and be a bridesmaid. And now I am nothing, with no explanation.
On top of all that, when I told my mum about how I was going to do her invitations, my mother went and told her about it, and then my sister in half an effort, tried to get me to do some other minor wedding task, involving writing on place-cards.
And then on top of all that, my sister asked me if I could take care of her three year old daughter while at the reception! And her three year old never had a 'terrible twos' period, she is having a 'terrible threes'. I would have no control over her whatsoever, and if I tried to tell her off or make her do something she didn't want to do, all hell would break lose and she would throw a tantrum.
I am upset. I feel like my feelings have not been regarded at all. I don't expect to be a bridesmaid, or even make invitations, but why bother asking me, then 'forgetting', and then ultimate insult of making me look after your daughter, who do not get me wrong - I love so dearly, but is in a very sooky, bratty stage, that I will have no control over whatsoever.
Am I wrong to feel upset? I know it's her choice, and her wedding and she can do whatever she wants, but shouldn't she care about her sister?
We are a pretty close family, we're not perfect, but we've never intentionally hurt each other, and always avoided fighting.
I don't understand.
Re: My sister did not ask me to be a bridesmaid?
This is terrible --- she more or less demoted you to be the swabber of the poop deck? Sheesh.... let her go hire a baby sitter to stay with her at the reception or have the kiddo stay home with the baby sitter.
And considering what you've told us, perhaps it is best if a babysitter looks after the kiddo at home.
As a last ditch effort, you could call her and say, "hey sis, what's the deal? I thought that when your big day came, we'd all be playing a significant role" and see what she says. At any rate, she owes you closure.
My personal take on this:
She asked everybody to be something 2 years ago.
WAY too early to even think of who will do what in your wedding. All of that should have been left to detail until about 6 or 8 months before the ceremony. Styles change...and so do people (as you can see). You might also face a budget restraint, change your plans completely or you could even break up with the guy long before the 2 year time span elapses.
This whole thing sounds whacky. Wishing you luck ---let us know what happens -- and if you do not wish to babysit the child, say so. You have full right to refuse.
The only way you will get to the bottom of this is to ask her
Talk to your sis and refuse the babysitting.
I think the whole thing stinks on ice; she needs to have much better communication skills than this, in addition to exhbiting kindness and tact. You are going to be her sister her whole life; she should have handled things a lot differently than this.
Thank you