Family Matters
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

MIL Issues- what would you do?

My MIL is pretty clueless.  I really think she means well most of the time, but she can be really inappropriate sometimes.  Last weekend she was at our house and we were talking about how my dad (who lives over 3 hours away) installed a small hot water heater under the kitchen at my parents' house and they were really enjoying it.  She mentioned she wanted one as well.  I thought that was the end of it- it was a less than 5 minute conversation.  I found out a couple days later that that she texted my mom and said she ordered a small hot water heater and she hoped my dad would have time to help install it when they are visiting us for Christmas.  My mom said that he probably wouldn't have time when they are up here for Christmas and left it at that.  My MIL responded and said that he could just do it next time he's visiting.  However, my dad now feels guilty because he's the type of person that wants to help everyone and doesn't like to say no if it's something he can help with.  

I'm annoyed that first of all, she already about the heater and just assumed that my dad would install it.  Secondly, my parents don't come up and visit us THAT often.  When they are here I want to spend time with them.  I don't want him to spend half a day helping my in-laws do projects around their house.  I know that probably sounds selfish, but I don't really care.  My husband is so embarrassed that she did this too.  It's an awkward situation because this is actually his step-mom and we don't really know how to approach her with this kind of stuff.  In the past he has just talked directly to his dad, but that hasn't helped because either his dad doesn't say anything to her or she doesn't listen.  I really feel like I need to say something to her, but I don't know how to approach it and how to make it so it doesn't sound like my parents were complaining about it.  I want to make it clear that I am the one that thinks it's inappropriate that she did this and that she can't use my dad as her personal handy man.  Any advice y'all can give is appreciated.

Re: MIL Issues- what would you do?

  • So your Husband will have to man up and tell his mother directly - "What you did was rude, entitled and embarrassing.  You will call JMV's father, retract your request and apologize for overstepping any and all mannerly boundaries.  And until you do, we will not be visiting with you."

    And OP, you will call your father and tell him that he is NOT to do anything for your MIL because all that will do is let her think that she can be the overstepping, bully she has been. 

    Honest to Pete, the triumptive she is trying to pull - being plain rude by demanding others to do things for her, trying to get FREE labor and finally (and the most insidius) taking your time with your parents away from you and DH and once again being the center of attention. 

    Hells no.  
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • jmvanlaan said:
    My MIL is pretty clueless.  I really think she means well most of the time, but she can be really inappropriate sometimes.  Last weekend she was at our house and we were talking about how my dad (who lives over 3 hours away) installed a small hot water heater under the kitchen at my parents' house and they were really enjoying it.  She mentioned she wanted one as well.  I thought that was the end of it- it was a less than 5 minute conversation.  I found out a couple days later that that she texted my mom and said she ordered a small hot water heater and she hoped my dad would have time to help install it when they are visiting us for Christmas.  My mom said that he probably wouldn't have time when they are up here for Christmas and left it at that.  My MIL responded and said that he could just do it next time he's visiting.  However, my dad now feels guilty because he's the type of person that wants to help everyone and doesn't like to say no if it's something he can help with.  

    I'm annoyed that first of all, she already about the heater and just assumed that my dad would install it.  Secondly, my parents don't come up and visit us THAT often.  When they are here I want to spend time with them.  I don't want him to spend half a day helping my in-laws do projects around their house.  I know that probably sounds selfish, but I don't really care.  My husband is so embarrassed that she did this too.  It's an awkward situation because this is actually his step-mom and we don't really know how to approach her with this kind of stuff.  In the past he has just talked directly to his dad, but that hasn't helped because either his dad doesn't say anything to her or she doesn't listen.  I really feel like I need to say something to her, but I don't know how to approach it and how to make it so it doesn't sound like my parents were complaining about it.  I want to make it clear that I am the one that thinks it's inappropriate that she did this and that she can't use my dad as her personal handy man.  Any advice y'all can give is appreciated.
    Call Home Depot, or Loews or any ole hardware store whre they have hot water heater installation....problem solved!
  • Wow she has a lot of nerve.  What is sad is that she pulls this kind of crap because it works for her.  

    I would have your husband call her and let her know  your father will not install their water heater and to not ask him to do any work at their home ever again.

    Then you need to call your dad and tell him that he is to not install that stupid thing at her house or anything like it.  His time is to be spent enjoying his family.  
  • Thank y'all so much.  I'm glad I wasn't over-reacting to the situation.  My husband called her today and told her that my dad will not be doing any work on their house.  Ever.  She wasn't too happy, but I think she got the point.  At least I hope she did.  
  • I'm glad your H set her straight!   She's not too happy - so what?  You are exactly right - your dad isn't her personal handy man!  She can hire someone to install her heater like everyone else in the world!
    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards