Family Matters
anna111marie
newb
I'm sorry this post is so long, there's just so many things that I've kept bottled up and need to be expressed to someone.
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Should I continue a relationship with my mother?
Recently I moved in with my grandparents in order to get away from my mother and finish junior and senior year of high school.
Growing up, my mom and I had an amazing relationship. My parents divorced when I was 3, and even though they were separated, I was content. I never had friends until middle school because my mom and I constantly (at least 9 times) moved in with her new boyfriends, fiancees, or husbands. But I was happy because I had her and my dog. My mom was amazing: funny, kind, loving.
But during middle school, she was with a man who was physically abusive to her and verbally abusive to me. They had a baby together, but the abuse didn't stop. At first, he seemed nice, but he ended up to be an evil person. During this time, my mom and I got closer. She finally left him, and we moved in with a friend of her's.
I think because she had me at 19, she didn't really get to be alone and be social like a single girl in her 20s would. So when she finally got freedom (although she had a 2 year old child and me...) she ran with it. She and her friend would stay out entire weekends with me or my aunt watching my sister. Or they would invite friends over and drink until 4 or 5 AM. Many times I heard some people having sex in the room next to me, and if I texted my mom that I felt uncomfortable, she'd just yell at me to go to sleep and calm down. We stopped hanging out, and I began to spend more time in my room or running with my puppy. I felt scared on the weekends when I went to my dad's because I didn't trust her to feed my two dogs.
I told my dad about what was going on, but he lives in an area with not-so-good schools, and we don't have money for a private school. He'd pick me up if I was in need, especially when the abuse began. At least, I think it was abuse. My sister has behavior problems (due to bad parenting...) and if I "made her upset," my mom would get into my face, yell at me, call me a bitch, and threaten to slap/punch me. She never actually did, but I wouldn't put it past her.
So my dad gave me the option to move across the country to live with my grandparents, and I jumped at that opportunity. Since I've moved here, I haven't really talked to my mom. I took my puppy with me but left my childhood dog (who is an old lady dog now) with her, which was a mistake. Last summer, I went back to visit, and found out through my sister that my dog is missing. My mother NEVER told me this, and I cried the rest of the week that I was there. Not once did she say anything about it except "oh yeah" after she asked my grandma (her mom) why I was crying. I didn't talk to her after that and am still seriously considering cutting ties, of course I'd talk to her, just not often, with her because I can't bring myself to want to be around her.
I'm sorry this post is so long, there's just so many things that I've kept bottled up and need to be expressed to someone.
Re: Should I continue a relationship with my mother?
Wow, when you are a single parent you have to be cautious who you date --- as you can see, you never know what these guys can turn out to be like.
The day you put a guy before your kids? Don't ask me what I think of that.
Your mother may be very insecure, simply have poor judgement or she may have some type of emotional problem.
Keep your distance and stay where you are. And if you can find a social worker or an adult you can trust, speak to that person. Life's too short for you to have your life ruined thanks to what happend with your mother and her endless contingency of boyfriends, or because of what happened with her abusive husband. GL.
Your mom sounds like she has some issues, none of which are appropriate for a child to be living among.
Get some therapy, it may give you clarity. Stay safe, and don't feel like you should have to put up with abuse.