Family Matters
skschick
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
should I travel and spend christmas with my parents and loved ones?
should I travel and spend Christmas with my family? even after realizing that my family and friends do not care for visiting me and have offended me by making me feel that my efforts of always visiting them are not acknowledged?
I recently surprised my family who lives 7 hours away from me and was ecstatic that I would be visiting them. However, there was a family situation that I was fully blamed for, even though I had nothing to do with it. Because of this, I had my sister shout out hurtful things such as "you only come to visit just for yourself, you never come to really visit us" and so on. All of which are not true. Out of all my sisters, I am the one who makes sure the family has stayed together, especially for christmas. Holidays are very important to me as I do not get to see my family so often. However, after this incident, it made me open my eyes that my family is only concerned with their priorities and in a way have taken advantage of all the times that I have gone down and made sure that I spend time of them. See, this has not been the first time that my family and friends have done this. Rarely, my family come visit me and only do if it is of interest. this also includes my friends. I have coddled and permitted this to happen, always making myself available and travel down every year. and while I do not expect any one to give me a pat in the back or praise me for my actions, because I happily do it, I cannot permit my family to disrespect me and take advantage of me. my job did not give me the time off for the christmas holidays, so I was even willing to fly down without my husband just for a day as I have made sure to never miss christmas with my family. However, I felt that this would be too troubling especially if my family doesn't even make the effort to show me the same courtesy. Things have recently changed and am off of work for 6 weeks, which technically permits me to have free time to go visit my family for christmas now. I was using the excuse of work to my family, however, they are aware that I have this break and wondered why cant I just go. While I would like to, I just feel heartbroken that my family would not do the same and am afraid that I will come back home even more upset, resented and disappointed. this event has made me realize all the trouble I have to go through every year just to make the 7 hour journey, yet no one would do the same for me. Do you think it is wrong of me to not go? should I just finally take the time to focus on what is best for me?
Thank you for your thoughts in advance!
Re: should I travel and spend christmas with my parents and loved ones?
And to a degree, I think your expectations are unfair. You moved 7 hours away. Yes, while I'd hope that they'd want to visit you occasionally, for you to expect all of them (vs just you and your DH) to travel to you at a busy time of year - I don't know, I think it's a bit odd. On this front, I do feel "you're the one who moved away. It's on you to travel back home". At least for stuff like the holidays. But, also, have you actually invited them? Have you put at least a mental plan together on how to make it possible for them to come to you?
I'll also add- I have a friend who has 4 siblings. the youngest sister is... interesting. To be honest, you sound a lot like her. All this emphasis on the HOLIDAYS!!!! and the family being TOGETHER!!!! you're even willing to leave your DH to go see them!!
Um, yeah - knowing my friends side of it - this attitude is actually kind of selfish. it's all about you and your feelings and your memories of the holidays. It doesn't leave room for th efact that life is busy, people have other commitments, if any of your siblings are in a relationship, other people to split their time with.
My friend deals w/ SO much pressure from his sister to KEEP CHRISTMAS JUST LIKE IT WAS when she was a kid and she truly can NOT understand that he has a wife, his own kids and his wife's family to also spend time with.
It's pressure, it's not enjoyable, and everyone rolls their eyes behind her back.
So.... again, I htink you need to do some analysis of what it is that you think the holidays should be vs what your family may want them to be.
And really- LOL. I'm supposed to ASSUME you invited them but then you are annoyed that any of us - after this long post about the importance of the holidays - would dare to assume that your DH also celebrates.
It's fine that he doesn't and it does change the dynamic a bit. But really.... we can't read your mind and unless you tell us every detail (which I do realize is hard if not impossible), people ARE going to make assumptions. that's the nature of these boards.