Relationships
wowand135
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is this cheating?
I discovered (long story short via a "junk" email) that my husband two weeks ago set up an account on fling.com.
I have never not trusted him before as he is very devoted. He hasn't
put up a picture or communicated with anyone, likely because you'd have
to pay to upgrade and I do our banking and would see a charge.
I do not think he has actually cheated. However, his profile does list our specific city which to me shows some intent of meeting a real person. (He watches porn a lot and I'm fine with that but if it's real ppl I feel it's different.) In the section for what he is interested in, he listed experimentation, threesomes, and "open to a relationship." That's the part that got me. He may have gone on this one time only but it was recent.
As a brief background we already have problems and are in counseling, namely for his concern with not good enough sex/lack of desire/enthusiasm on my part.
What would you make of this? Thank you.
I do not think he has actually cheated. However, his profile does list our specific city which to me shows some intent of meeting a real person. (He watches porn a lot and I'm fine with that but if it's real ppl I feel it's different.) In the section for what he is interested in, he listed experimentation, threesomes, and "open to a relationship." That's the part that got me. He may have gone on this one time only but it was recent.
As a brief background we already have problems and are in counseling, namely for his concern with not good enough sex/lack of desire/enthusiasm on my part.
What would you make of this? Thank you.
Re: Is this cheating?
I'd confront him and ask him what business he has on a website like that.
And the sex is the problem on "your" end? Sorry: it takes two to tango! What about him? How come he didn't sit down with you and suggest you see a doc to get a possible physical problem checked out, and also why didn't he discuss ways for you and he to spice things up a bit?
Looks like he pinned all the blame on you -- tha'ts what I am getting out of your last paragraph -- and that's not good in itself. You and he are supposed to be a team. And he and you are to derive a great solution to the problem, together as one team.
Here is the problem with porn... it creates un-realistic sexual expectations for men... they may choose to fufill their fantsy's over making love to their wife... and because it is like an addiction it can clearly not be their fault... (he is embarissed and doesn't want to loose his vice so he puts the blame on you)
This isin't actively cheating but it might as well be, because the intention is there. You need to be very smart and stregic about how you address this issue hence you are already working on other issues. I would seek professional advice of the best method of exceution on this one, this is a big deal if you want to continue this relationship this has to stop completely and that includes the porn (it doesn't make you insecure or jelous to taboo that either) you need to pull this weed from the root and respect yourself and if that means walking away before he wastes your life so be it...
Good luck hun.
Ugh! What is that about? It's like he was saying, "Things aren't going good, but I'm looking for a replacement before I actually leave." I mean, either a person is in a monogamous relationship or they are not. And if things aren't going well, man up and either work to make it better or cut bait. Sleazy. Same goes for women who play this game.
At any rate, it sounds like you all worked things out since you and him are now married. So, hopefully the above was just an aberration of a normally good character.
So you've figured out through the help of counseling what some of or all the issues are. Now it's time to talk about what you can do to fix things and even if things change, will that really save the relationship. And you need to talk to him about what his intentions where on going to this site. And you need to look within yourself, by finding him on this site, have you lost all trust in him? Not all marriages can be saved through counseling. For those that can't be saved, at least the couple tried to save it and didn't just quit. And for those that it works, that's an great thing.