GTKY: Something Real

brij2006 · December 2014

I've mentioned this before on here, but my upbringing was a little rough. You would think a small town Christian family, with married parents and 1 brother would be the ideal family. However, my dad had a lot of anger issues and was abusive to us kids. Both physically and mentally. He was very busy with the farm so we didn't see him a lot, but when we did we would hide. In High School it got to the point where I would grab my dinner and eat in my room and say I needed to study, for fear of making him upset and getting yelled at or hit. By my senior year of high school I had been with H for 2 years. He gave me a lot of the strength that I never knew I had. My dad was against college and thought it was a waste of money, especially for a woman. I went against every single thing he said to me. My senior year consisted of spending many nights applying for colleges, finding an apartment, and applying for scholarships and grants. My mom secretly co-signed my student loans behind his back and helped me find an apartment and roommate in Chicago.

My dad helped me move into my apartment, but never came to visit and would never call.

After college I moved back home and lived with my parents for 6 months while starting my job and getting our house remodeled to move in. I was 20 years old and my dad got angry with me and kicked me with his boot. I full on slugged him and told him off. That was the first time I had ever spoken up against him and I expected it to end very badly. He didn't respond with anything besides shock. I laid in to him about everything he did to us as kids and how I hated him. From that day forward I vowed to not take anything for granted and not to let anyone walk on me. My upbringing sucked and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it truly has made me into the strong independent woman that I am today. If it hadn't been for what he did to us kids, I probably never would have left our small town and gotten my degree. Nor would I have done so much traveling or made sure I had every experience that was placed in front of me. Most importantly, I probably wouldn't have married H. He is nothing like my dad, and I wanted to be sure to break that cycle of abusive husbands/fathers.

This does end with a happy ending though. After H and I got engaged, my dad took a turn for the better. In that spat of me speaking up to him, I told him that I never wanted him to walk me down the aisle because I had no respect for him and he was a sad excuse of a father. From the minute we told him we were engaged, he became that caring father figure. He ended up walking me down the aisle, giving his little girl away like he had always imagined, and we now have an amazing relationship that I wouldn't change for anything. He's never apologized for what he did, but I do not expect that. At this point I'm just happy that we can put those 20+ years behind us and move forward with a great relationship.

However, it has been very hard. My brother and him have never made amends. He has begun to resent me because I have a good relationship with our dad now, and it's common for my dad and H to go out on the farm together and talk business, or the 4 of us to go out to dinner or on vacation together. A relationship my brother just doesn't have with our dad.

At our wedding my dad and I did a first look, rather than H and I. It was one of the best moments of my life, and the first time my dad ever told me that he was proud of me. Before I even got to him, he was holding back tears.

Here's some pics from our first look.

islandmonkey8 · December 2014

I love that you and your dad were able to mend things. And that you did a first look with your dad. Perfect.

simsk3887 · December 2014

The first look with your dad was such a great idea. That's an emotionally hard moment for every day, and after all you two had been through, I'm sure it was even more so for him. I'm glad you two were able to develop a good relationship.

GABride2010 · December 2014

What an amazing story...and I'm glad that y'all were able to fix your relationship!

FutureMrsWright2012 · December 2014

I'm so glad that you were able to mend your relationship with your dad. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. My dad and I have had a very strained relationship as well (in fact, he didn't even come to my wedding), but when both people aren't willing to fix things and move on, then nothing changes. Hopefully, someday, your brother can come to terms with things as well so you can all enjoy each other's company together again. Thanks for sharing.

GTKY: Something Real

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