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Family being jealous getting me down :(

Just to briefly explain, me and my husband have recently been given a large inheritance from my husbands grandad. His grandad brought him and his brother up as their parents were in fit. So it was so hard on my husband to lose his grandad and no money would make it better. But even though this is the case, we have been put in an amazing position, both in our early twenties, had our child very young and worked hard, getting qualifications and great jobs, this money enabled us to afford a car and the insurance, pay any outstanding debts, and largest of all, buy our first house out right. This doesn't mean we don't need to work, it wasn't that much, but I was able to go on and quit my job and train to be a teacher, only 1 year and I'm earning £12000 at the same time. To get to the point, my family (not my husbands) are horrible, bitter and jealous of what we have. My mum is great, we have given my mum money to help her with things on her house and other things which we have not told my siblings about. But my siblings are very nasty, they have made continuous mistakes, living well beyond their means and now have nothing to show for it, they look at us and think we have been given everything. But we are over 10 years younger and may of had our child earlier than them, but we took the responsibility and worked hard to create a better future. We never thought we would get this money, so were always working towards buying our house and having everything we have now, but more like 10 years down the line. I am just fed up of not being able to talk to my mum about anything, because they keep bad mouthing us to her and upsetting my mum. We avoid seeing them as they do not have anything nice to say, even about our son (who had to watch their children get more when we couldn't afford much). We don't talk about our lives to them, or brag. They look on social media to find ammunition to talk bad of us.
Sorry this is a long post, but I'm tired of not having a family I can be happy around, or see my nieces and nephews without horrible comments and negative attitudes, even saying how our house is small and don't know why we bought it. We are not flashy, our house is small, but we knew buying outright would allow us to further our careers, rather than having a mortgage to pay too.
Any way, what can I do? I don't want to keep avoiding them, but I can see it all exploding and us never talking again.
Thank you!!!

Re: Family being jealous getting me down :(

  • Stop sharing private information on social media. No one needs to know about this inheritance or that you bought your house outright. If that is how they found out, you now know not to overshare. Just don't talk about money. It's not that hard. 

    As far as your mother, she can tell them she's not going to listen to them bad mouth you any time she wants. If she is the one sharing your personal info, tell her to stop it.

    This is one of two things. Either they are just the type of people who are jealous and nasty if they feel anyone has it easier than them, OR you have somehow come off to them as bragging. 

    If they are just jealous a-holes, there's not much you can do. Just keep your mouth shut and avoid them. You should know if this is the situation since they are your family and this can't be the first time they have decided to be jealous of someone for no good reason.

    If you may have had a part in it, try to have a conversation with whomever you are closest to and explain how you feel and how much you love and miss them. 

    What kind of relationship did you have with them before? Were you close?
  • There should be no reason why they should have ever found out you received an inheritance in the first place.  If they did, then you somehow over shared.  You need to stop over sharing.  It's nobody's business how much money you have and where you got it.

    If your mother is the one sharing your information, then you need to stop discussing with her and she should be defending you should they bad mouth you.  


  • 90% of peoples issues here seem to boil down to the fact they have poor boundaries.
    Stop oversharing, be it in person or on social media.
    Hopefully your mom can set boundaries with your siblings to stop them bad mouthing, if she can't, then stop sharing information with her.
  • I am sorry for your loss. I have to agree with PPs though. You didn't specify exactly how your siblings found out about these financial details, but unless they are a matter of public record then I assume you told them directly or you told your mom and she spilled the beans. They are being jerks, but try to look at it from their perspective. I'd be annoyed too if someone was gushing details about how much money they walked into and how they have a free and clear house, a free and clear car, etc. I am trying to be helpful and not harsh but perhaps you came off as bragging? Or even if you didn't sound braggy it's human nature to be jealous when someone else gets something for "free" when they are struggling (even if some struggling is the result of their own mistakes).

    Personally I too received an inheritance from my dad. No one except my sibling (who received the same amount) and my husband knows any details regarding this. They don't know the amount, what we did with the money...they know nothing. A few people have poked around a bit with questions but they have been disappointed as we've been tight lipped. How should I expect they would react of I were to tell them how much these funds have been amazingly helpful in my life? How grateful I am that my dad worked so hard all his life that he had some left over? No good will would come from sharing (or worse yet gushing) such details.


  • I agree - in part - with the folks above. I do think, though, that a good sibling would be happy for your fortune (sorry for the pun). Would I be envious? Sure! Unhappy? No. I may wish I had such a wonderful benefactor, but I'd never hold it against you that you benefited. How is that your doing? And why should you feel guilty? Practice humility, don't lord it over anyone or judge them for their poor choices, but rather be happy for the blessing you've received ... quietly. Maybe try calling them and saying you miss them. Start there and keep it simple ...
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