Family Matters
itsewestman
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
My Stepfather is bullying my Step son
We had an interesting development last night at a family dinner.
My wife, daughter, stepson (8) (I've helped raise him since the age of two, his dads not in the picture and we both acknowledge each other as dad and son) were at my moms and step dads house for a simple family dinner. Simple is a tricky word with this family.
After dinner my son was playing with my niece and daughter on a couch. They were having a good time and he was letting the girls "beat him up".
My step dad and nephew (6) were sitting in another chair in the living room. My step dad then starts telling my nephew to call my son a little girl and starts doing it himself. This continued for 30 minutes. My son listened to an entire half hour of my step dad and cousin calling him a little girl and making fun of him for absolutely no reason. Then my step dad instructs my nephew to go sit next to my son. The taunting continues from my nephew and my son at this point is getting noticeably frustrated. The barbs from my step dad and nephew didn't seem to agitate him too much until he stopped playing with his sister and my niece. Finally, my son has had enough and starts responding physically against my nephew. As soon as my son started, my step dad begins yelling at my son to quit hitting and starts blaming my son for starting this whole episode. He then grabs my son by the arm extremely forcefully and puts him to the ground. I know, in retrospect I should have stepped in earlier but I was actually very shocked that my step dad was acting this way. Once he put his hands on my son I jumped into action. I told my wife we're leaving, told my step dad how much of a child he was and I can't believe how he had been treating my son for the past 30 minutes, I mentioned that if he ever puts his hands on my son like that again for no reason I will lay him out (censored). Since then I've cancelled Christmas celebrations with that part of the family and intend to never bring my children around him again.
My step dad and I have never had a good relationship but this was a new low. Without getting into too much detail, this is par for the course. He's a bully, his son is a bully, and now he's molding his grandson the same way.
Right now the only thing that would make me feel better is to smash his head in a car trunk or vent through writing. I try to take the high road. I'm not really looking for advice, I know what my course of action will be regarding this. I feel bad that my mom is caught in the middle but then again her silence speaks volumes. Through the years they've always presented a united front, right or wrong.
Fired Up
My wife, daughter, stepson (8) (I've helped raise him since the age of two, his dads not in the picture and we both acknowledge each other as dad and son) were at my moms and step dads house for a simple family dinner. Simple is a tricky word with this family.
After dinner my son was playing with my niece and daughter on a couch. They were having a good time and he was letting the girls "beat him up".
My step dad and nephew (6) were sitting in another chair in the living room. My step dad then starts telling my nephew to call my son a little girl and starts doing it himself. This continued for 30 minutes. My son listened to an entire half hour of my step dad and cousin calling him a little girl and making fun of him for absolutely no reason. Then my step dad instructs my nephew to go sit next to my son. The taunting continues from my nephew and my son at this point is getting noticeably frustrated. The barbs from my step dad and nephew didn't seem to agitate him too much until he stopped playing with his sister and my niece. Finally, my son has had enough and starts responding physically against my nephew. As soon as my son started, my step dad begins yelling at my son to quit hitting and starts blaming my son for starting this whole episode. He then grabs my son by the arm extremely forcefully and puts him to the ground. I know, in retrospect I should have stepped in earlier but I was actually very shocked that my step dad was acting this way. Once he put his hands on my son I jumped into action. I told my wife we're leaving, told my step dad how much of a child he was and I can't believe how he had been treating my son for the past 30 minutes, I mentioned that if he ever puts his hands on my son like that again for no reason I will lay him out (censored). Since then I've cancelled Christmas celebrations with that part of the family and intend to never bring my children around him again.
My step dad and I have never had a good relationship but this was a new low. Without getting into too much detail, this is par for the course. He's a bully, his son is a bully, and now he's molding his grandson the same way.
Right now the only thing that would make me feel better is to smash his head in a car trunk or vent through writing. I try to take the high road. I'm not really looking for advice, I know what my course of action will be regarding this. I feel bad that my mom is caught in the middle but then again her silence speaks volumes. Through the years they've always presented a united front, right or wrong.
Fired Up
Re: My Stepfather is bullying my Step son
If he is on in years, his age may be getting the best of him and he's starting to lose it somehow.
If it isn't an advanced age thing, this is bullshit.
You need to step up and tell your stepdad to cut it out or he is not welcome in your home or welcome to spend time with any kids that are in your home.
End this and end this now. GL.
Trust me I'm kicking myself for not stepping in sooner but initially it wasn't bothering my son. I was monitoring the situation very closely. I don't have any problem with my son playing or the way he was playing. Once I saw that the situation was getting out of control I stepped in and ended it. The last part when my step dad grabbed my son happened quickly and I reacted as fast as I could.
We have cut off all contact with that part of the family. My mothers silence speaks volumes. I'm not a violent person, I never lay my hands on my children and I haven't gotten in a physical altercation since my teens. However my step father was always very fast to use physical means to get his point across when I was young so it has been present in my life. Unfortunately this is how that side of the family communicates and I've learned to adapt to it. It doesn't affect other parts of my life. I do, however, teach my son to stand up to bullies and for people being bullied. He does this well at school but he is never the one being bullied. This was a new experience for him and I'm not disappointed with how he responded. He wasn't "punching" his cousin. His cousin was in his face, continuing the name calling and my son was pushing him away. When that happened my step dad turned everything around and said my son was starting a fight. I believe he was attempting to end it, not start it.
Again, I know I should have stepped in sooner. But I will not always be there for him in these situations in life. I'd prefer for him to learn through life experiences on how to handle these situations himself. I showed him how to get away from the situation if you need to. (We packed up and left immediately. My son was outside, walking to the car while I was inside having words with my stepfather).
We had a great conversation about the right and wrong way to handle situations such as this. It was a very teachable moment. If I disgust you for trying to teach my son how to handle himself in certain, very real situations, then I would hate to see how your children will respond to a similar situation when mommy dearest isn't there to save the day.