Family Matters
jenpiglet17
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Advice, Ladies?
Hello! I'm in a bit of a pickle, and unsure how to proceed.
Last week, my MIL called to ask if I'd be home Wednesday (today), as she ordered something to be delivered. I said I would be, and she told me my DH & I would be getting something from Raymour & Flannigan (a furniture store). That's it, she hung up after telling me they'd call with a drop off time window. Me being curious, I called the company to at least get the dimensions of it to know if I'd need to move the dining room table etc., or if it was going upstairs, etc. We found out she ordered us two recliners in a dark charcoal, that neither my DH or I like.
**Insert** please don't think I'm ungrateful, I've already come to terms that I'll accept this gift. I've been looking at slip covers, and if push comes to shove, I'll just make it myself.
DH and I have chosen to do the major stuff around the house i.e. new roof, new windows, etc. before worrying about cosmetic things in the house. Since we're nearly done, we have started looking at hardwood floors, room designs, etc. We've slowly but surely come up with a list of things we'd like, and recliners weren't even in the picture. We've since talked about how to incorporate recliners in with our plans, but haven't been sure on how to approach his mother. We both know she is very "out there", and would get offended if we had even the smallest inkling of not liking her gift. She's in recovery from an addiction, and we also don't want to get her in a depression because she would take it as "we are unappreciative". We know that we are going to incorporate it into our new plan so as to not upset her, but we want her to know that this whole thing could've been avoided if she talked to us first, seeing what our plans were, color options, finding something we would actually like, etc. before just buying something and having it delivered.
Thoughts?? TIA!!!
Re: Advice, Ladies?
Grey on the whole is pretty cool --- you can jazz it up with just about any bright color --- maybe add a throw pillow in yellow or red or whatever catches your fancy.:)
Maybe you can use the recliner in a bedroom or leisure room.
You all have to live "with" her and how she is, so it's really up to you in the end, but I honestly find it a bit insane to keep furniture that doesn't even fit in your home just so that you don't come across as "rude" in her eyes. She's weilding a LOT of power in your lives!!!
That being said - YAY that they actually don't fit. Don't focus on "we don't like them". Focus on "hey mom- thanks for thinking of us but unfortunately, the chairs are just too big.".
if she actually gets mad at THAT then you're dealing w/ someone who is just crazy! I mean... really. If they don't fit, they don't fit. I would not keep furniture that doesn't fit in order to not upset someone.
Your dh needs to attend Al-anon or Narc-anon (for the famlies) for his relationship for his mother. You and your H are not responsible for your MILs recovery or sobriety. Accepting furniture that you do not want and that does not fit into your house should not be a price YOU have to pay to keep her clean / sober / not depressed.
Your MIL is the rude one - it is very presumptious (sp?) to buy furniture for someone's house without asking about it. Even the fact that you would need to buy slipcovers (setting you back $$) is rude. It is NOT thoughtful to surprise someone with a gift that they need to live with, and then get angry if it is not their choosing / style / taste!
Call Raymore & Flannigan and explain your problem. Ask what their policy on returns are (esp. with the delivery fees!). Is there anything else for your home that they sell, that you can exchange the gift from? If yes, I would suggest calling MIL in a breezy way and saying "Thank you SO MUCH for the recliners. Unfortunately, they did not fit in the living room, so we exchanged them for a BEAUTIFUL leather reading chair, which looks so great in the upstairs office! We really love your gift." If Raymor & Flannigan won't accept returns, then sell the recliners through an online garage sale (as in via facebook or craigslist) and use the money to buy something you like.
That's the whole thing ---- too large for your room is going to make the room it's in look smaller, too.
Find a kind way to tell this nice lady "Ma, the gifts you gave us are great --- let's come along next time so we can see what great thing you're going to pick next" and go along with her...and if you don't like it, you can say so there and then on the spot..:)
I hope it goes well. If I were in your position I think I would have to go "Mom, we love the chairs and appreciate the gift but unfortunately the chairs are too big for our room, which sucks because they are so nice. Is there a day that you are free to go the store with us to help us pick out something that will fit size wise a little better into our home? We love the idea of everything time we sit in the chairs and enjoy them it will be reminder of your generosity."
To me it's a happy compromise, she still gives you the chairs, you get something that fits your home & taste better. And hopefully it's in a way that your MIL will not take offense to something that is not meant to be offensive. Good luck!!!