SIL and her thank you card rule

bri123abc · December 2014

Hi everyone

I have a question. I just spent the holidays with families and inlaws. I do not send thank you cards for gifts for myself or children as I thank the person in person at the time. My SIL on the other hand has a rule where she writes everything down that she and her child gets, and sends thank you cards even after thanking people in person. She sends thank you cards for every occasion. No one else in my family does that. Is she just being nice or trying to one up everyone? Am I reading too much into it?

Should I be doing the same- is it really necessary?

Thank you

englishtrish1 · December 2014

Until I moved to the US I had never sent a thank you card, it was considered poor taste not to thank the gift giver personally, either face to face or with a phone call. So I'm baffled by the whole double thank you that your SIL is doing even more than the regular thank you cards ritual

bri123abc · December 2014

She doesn't demand other people send them to her but I don't get why she does it either. She also sends cards for holidays and special occasions like my birthday. I do not do the same

englishtrish1 · December 2014

I think what she is doing is overkill

Jae179 · December 2014

She is trying to be kind- get over it and stop trying to look for drama where there is none. It's obviously something she values and wants to teach her kids- how does that concern you?

If you don't send thank you cards that's your business and totally fine. But don't look for drama because someone extends a kind gesture your way. You're projecting completely.

VOR · December 2014

No,you don't need to do the same. And yes, I think you're reading too much into it. I would assume she does this because it's important to her. I don't see why she should NOT do it just to make you (and others) not feel "one upped". That's on you, not her.

joleri23 · December 2014

I am that "weirdo" who sends thank you cards. Why, you ask? Because I'm an adult and no one is obligated to ever get a present for me. OK, maybe I won't send one for a Christmas gift, but birthdays? You better believe it. The written word is very important to me and I'm sad about how it's dying. Perhaps your SIL feels the same way. There's just something so touching about receiving a handwritten card!

Xstatic3333 · December 2014

I don't think she's trying to one-up you. I send TY notes for Christmas gifts too, to everyone except my H and my parents. I'm not perfect and occasionally forget when it was an in-person gift, but in general I echo PPs' sentiments about keeping written correspondence alive.

dragon_chica · December 2014

I'm in the camp of, "You really need to find something truly worthy to be bothered about." Is she flaunting her TY cards and saying things like, "Well, you NEVER send me a TY card!" or "People who send TY cards have the best manners EVER!" If no, get over it. I only send TY cards for birthday gifts and if someone let me stay in their home but as overkill as it is, if someone sent me a TY card for everything I wouldn't be bothered by it at all.

catsareniice1 · December 2014

I think it's in poor taste not to send a handwritten thank you note. You sound entitled and whiney!

dutchgirl76 · December 2014

I was raised to send a thank you for everything even if you said thank you in person. My mom used to say the mother was blamed for a child's bad manners if the child didn't write a thank you when they became old enough to do it on their own. Whether that's true or not I sure do like getting a thank you in the mail.

As an adult I've slacked more than I should, but I sure as heck sent written thank yous for my wedding shower. I get them for shower gifts I give even if I can't make it to the shower. My SIL used to make her children call and say thank you if we didn't see them which I thought was nice. She didn't do that to one up anyone and say "look at how polite my kids are" she's did it to teach them manners.

Long story short it's polite to send a thank you, I think a lot of people have moved away from this tradition but I think it should stick/come back. Buying gifts for someone takes money, effort and time, the least you can do is show the person you like what you got.

GilliC · December 2014

Send a note, don't send a note...
I think that if anyone gets her knickers in a twist either way, she doesn't deserve the thoughtfulness of a gift. Everyone would be a lot happier if they'd stop judging everyone else and letting themselves feel either slighted or superior.

BlueBirdMB · December 2014

I think it's polite to send a thank you card. I find it horrifying that you think your SIL is crazy for doing so.

Ilumine · December 2014

I send thank you cards. The other person worked hard for the money to purchase the gift, then took time out of their day, be it driving or sitting on the computer, to find the gift and then either took the time to visit me to give the gift or mail the gift out TO ME.

Taking at most 3 minutes out of your day and $0.49 to write a couple of sentences on a piece of paper and putting it in the mail seems pretty easy in comparison.

doeydo · December 2014

Thank you cards are nice, and according to TK necessary, but they were never done in my family. Why send a note when I just thank them in person or make a phone call and have an actually conversation, too? Why spend the extra money on postage? Anyways, I'd just be thankful for the thank you card and forget about it.

Erikan73 · December 2014

I think thank you cards are nice because it shows you took a few moments to write out a card. With her child, it's a great way to show them that it's important to thank people for the gifts you receive and she is only making herself do what she is having her child do. Basically do as I say and as I do. Is it necessary for birthdays & christmas, not necessarily. But isn't it nice to get something in the mail that isn't a bill? Are you wrong for doing things the way you do? I don't think so. But I don't think she's wrong either with making sure her child and herself write out the cards. It may have just been the way she was raised. If you want to compare it to something, think of a bridal shower, you still send thank you cards even though you thank the guests as you open the gifts at the shower.

SIL and her thank you card rule

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