Family Matters
lil+kim+24
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
My family doesn't know I exist, should I get in contact?
The story so far... I was born from an affair, my biological father told my mother that he and his wife were separated and going through divorce procedures, by the time she learned that they were still together she had already fallen pregnant with me.
My half brothers and sisters don't know I exist, I'd like to make contact with them but I'm scared they'll recent me and blame me for what happened. I guess what's changed is recently I've learnt that I'm now an aunty and my niece is the spitting image of me. I feel that time is now running out, my father is in his 70's, not particularly healthy and hasn't contacted me in 20 years. (I'm now 24 years old)
I fully intend on attending his funeral when he eventually passes as I'm a human being and I deserve the right for closure just as much as anyone else but should I lie for his mistakes? Should I never tell my siblings that I exist? I'd like to approach them before he passes and give them the option to know me but I don't want to hurt the family, I know after he passes I wont be able to do it as I'll feel guilty that they won't be able to get an explanation from him. Even after everything he's done, I can't bring myself to have anymore casualties bought into the situation, I understand the reasons why he left me and I forgive him for that, but I don't think I can forgive him for lying to them and treating me like a dirty little secret.
My half brothers and sisters don't know I exist, I'd like to make contact with them but I'm scared they'll recent me and blame me for what happened. I guess what's changed is recently I've learnt that I'm now an aunty and my niece is the spitting image of me. I feel that time is now running out, my father is in his 70's, not particularly healthy and hasn't contacted me in 20 years. (I'm now 24 years old)
I fully intend on attending his funeral when he eventually passes as I'm a human being and I deserve the right for closure just as much as anyone else but should I lie for his mistakes? Should I never tell my siblings that I exist? I'd like to approach them before he passes and give them the option to know me but I don't want to hurt the family, I know after he passes I wont be able to do it as I'll feel guilty that they won't be able to get an explanation from him. Even after everything he's done, I can't bring myself to have anymore casualties bought into the situation, I understand the reasons why he left me and I forgive him for that, but I don't think I can forgive him for lying to them and treating me like a dirty little secret.
What should I do? Please Help.
Re: My family doesn't know I exist, should I get in contact?
For the fact it's clear he doesn't want you in his life (which I'm sorry to hear- this can't be easy for you), I think for you to approach his family w/o his blessing could cause a lot of problems and REALLY piss him off - to the point that it will do more damage to any hopes of a relationship w/ your half siblings.
You said you'd only do it while he's still alive so that he can answer their questions, but I don't know that it would really work out that way.
I think simplyelise has a good idea.
Let us know what happens.
The one thing I can say is that one of my brothers/cousins died a few years back and I was at his funeral, this was very upsetting for me and I left right after the service without going to wake afterwards.