Sister Issues

Melliewood · January 2015

So my sister set her wedding date for 9/11 but hasn't really told people her plans or what is going on. The thing is we purchased tickets to a concert waaaay in advance and have our stuff together. I just don't know what to do because DH is upset because she is so set on this date and won't budge even though we made our plans a long time ago. I would think she would have checked in with her family before making such a strict date set. She doesn't even have anything set or booked anything, so know one knows what is going on.

englishtrish1 · January 2015

Is this a joke? I understand being miffed about a conflict of dates but if this ends up being the date, sell your tix, be loving and supportive and realize that you have no right to ask her to change her wedding date. If course you could just go to the concert to teach her a lesson

Melliewood · January 2015

I can't sell the tickets because they are non-transferable and both have my name on it. They never check our IDs so I'm thinking we might be safe. We just don't have that kind of money just to throw away tickets but it's important for me to see my sister get married.

Erikan73 · January 2015

Then you need to talk to her and tell her about the concert & that you'll be losing $xx.xx amount of money because her wedding date is the same date of the concert. Then see if there is anyway you can get her to change her date. If not all you can do is hope the venues she wants are booked forcing her to pick a different date.

Melliewood · January 2015

Yeah. She was like "that must be more important than my wedding" it's not that...I just don't have money to cancel things on top of flying out

artbyallie · January 2015

She hasn't booked anything and she's now less than 9 months out. September is at least in the top three most popular months for a wedding now if not the most. I'd be willing to bet money that unless she finds something immediately every venue/photog/etc will be booked solid.

Assuming she wants certain people there, she should definitely have asked before picking a date, but she does not by any means have this one locked in if she has no venue. And a wedding invitation is not a subpoena. You have already bought tickets.

puppylove2014 · January 2015

If you can not afford to cancel (in my opinion) that would mean you could not afford to go in the first place.

To me, it wouldn't even be a question. Sisters wedding is way more important than a concert.

puppylove2014 · January 2015

Another question, you said DH is upset. How do YOU feel about it?

She may not even end up having it then. I would see how things unfold, but I certainly would tell my H to knock it off. He can go to the concert if he wants. I wouldn't miss my sisters wedding for anything.

Melliewood · January 2015

I mean he is just upset that he would need to go by himself since this has been a tradition for years. I mean, we can afford to go to the festival because it was booked far in advance where sales were cheap but not to cancel and then miss more work on top of that plus the flight. I am sure we will figure out how things go since it's far away.

Side note: I feel like I never post here since I feel slightly judged when I do and that DH's are judged even more.

nurse714 · January 2015

I think you need to get over it. My brother got married on my wedding anniversary and my husband and I were going on vacation, instead we had to spend our wedding anniversary at my brother's wedding but what could we do? I never said anything to my brother. It wasn't about me and whatever vacay or tickets that I might have purchased prior to learning about my brother's wedding date. The wedding is more important.

I would be pissed off if one of my siblings came asking me to change my wedding date because they bought concert tickets.

Melliewood · January 2015

I think you are misunderstanding me. I never said my plans were more important. I just wish she communicate better about her plans. Again, I wasn't asking for judgement...just advice.

VOR · January 2015

Melliewood said:
I think you are misunderstanding me. I never said my plans were more important. I just wish she communicate better about her plans. Again, I wasn't asking for judgement...just advice.

We're not misunderstanding. Either you're backpedaling or youre just as poor a communicator as your sister. I would love to know what the tradition is of your Dhs that he's pissed she picked the same date BUT he's going to the concert regardless.

puppylove2014 · January 2015

Melliewood said:

I think you are misunderstanding me. I never said my plans were more important. I just wish she communicate better about her plans. Again, I wasn't asking for judgement...just advice.

I'm not sure what advice you're looking for.

It seems she is communicating her plans quite clearly. She is getting married NINE MONTHS from now. That is plenty of notice to give family. It's also plenty of time to plan a wedding. She should not change her date because you have concert tickets. You should cut your losses and go to her wedding, not the concert.

You said yourself the festival is a tradition...that means you've been before and can go in the future. It is not a once in a lifetime milestone...like...ummm...a wedding.

I don't see anyone judging you. They just aren't giving you the feedback you wanted.

Look, if you're just venting, fine. You have a right to be upset that you will miss your concert. You shouldn't bring it up to your sister again and you need to now be supportive and get on board with her excitement.

For some perspective... In 20 years, what is going to be more important? Do you really want to look back and regret missing your sisters wedding or making her feel bad over a concert? Can you imagine how it would color her day if she feels you don't really want to be there? Dont do that to her.

Melliewood · January 2015

He is just sad that I won't be there...that's all. He isn't as upset about that anymore since it's been a few days since the news came up. I kinda want to close this message since I am not really wanting to think about it anymore till the fall.

puppylove2014 · January 2015

Melliewood said:

So my sister set her wedding date for 9/11 but hasn't really told people her plans or what is going on. The thing is we purchased tickets to a concert waaaay in advance and have our stuff together. I just don't know what to do because DH is upset because she is so set on this date and won't budge even though we made our plans a long time ago. I would think she would have checked in with her family before making such a strict date set. She doesn't even have anything set or booked anything, so know one knows what is going on.

Just in case...

Melliewood · January 2015

I'm going to the wedding...no doubt about it. Just figuring about if we can sell my ticket or not...which is not really a sister issue...more just getting our money back. I have time to figure it out.

englishtrish1 · January 2015

I think it's sad your DH has chosen a music festival over your sisters wedding, not judging just think that the fact hi is still going to continue the tradition without you is odd

Melliewood · January 2015

Instead of automatically judging my DH....he would have to stay behind to work and take care of the pets. My sister doesn't care if he goes or not. She is happy even if it's just me and my mom. I don't get how people are so harsh on these boards towards husbands. I also want him to go to the fest so he could fill me in if I'm not able to attend.

R.Wilsonny · January 2015

Melliewood said:
Instead of automatically judging my DH....he would have to stay behind to work and take care of the pets. My sister doesn't care if he goes or not. She is happy even if it's just me and my mom. I don't get how people are so harsh on these boards towards husbands. I also want him to go to the fest so he could fill me in if I'm not able to attend.

Idk, if it were me and my H decided to go to a festival instead of my sister's wedding, I'd be pretty pissed. This isn't some stranger off the street - this is your sister. Tradition or not, your H can suck it up and miss it for one year - it's not the end of the world. The festival will always be there, but this is ONE DAY that honors your sister.

bethann3181 · January 2015

R.Wilsonny said:

Instead of automatically judging my DH....he would have to stay behind to work and take care of the pets. My sister doesn't care if he goes or not. She is happy even if it's just me and my mom. I don't get how people are so harsh on these boards towards husbands. I also want him to go to the fest so he could fill me in if I'm not able to attend.
Idk, if it were me and my H decided to go to a festival instead of my sister's wedding, I'd be pretty pissed. This isn't some stranger off the street - this is your sister. Tradition or not, your H can suck it up and miss it for one year - it's not the end of the world. The festival will always be there, but this is ONE DAY that honors your sister.

This. Also, my DH wuold be sad if I said, "Go to the festival instead of coming with me to an important family event." You guys are setting yourselves up for a lot of resentment with your sister. Just sayin.

Melliewood · January 2015

My sister and her don't really know each other well. You guys are going based of your own family experiences. My mom even said that my DH should stay back and go. I won't be gone for long anyway. I was starting not to stress about it this morning but reading your responses hasn't helped.

bethann3181 · January 2015

But you're not providing all of the information for anyone to be able to give you a good response. You keep adding in bits of information, but having the full story would help a lot. Of course it seems crazy that you would ask your sister to change her wedding date for a concert. I didn't check with all my family members before booking a wedding date. My wedding (hopefully) trumps all for anyone that loves and cares about me. My SIL booked her wedding date on my 5 year wedding anniversary. Was I a little bummed? Yeah, for a day, since we talked about taking a 5 year anniversary vacation. But I never said a word to her, and I moved on and had a blast at the wedding.

You can't expect to come on here, give five sentences of information, and then be upset when people don't all jump to your defense.

Melliewood · January 2015

I'm going regardless so I'm done with this conversation.

artbyallie · January 2015

Melliewood said:

Instead of automatically judging my DH....he would have to stay behind to work and take care of the pets. My sister doesn't care if he goes or not. She is happy even if it's just me and my mom. I don't get how people are so harsh on these boards towards husbands. I also want him to go to the fest so he could fill me in if I'm not able to attend.

Wait, so if your DH doesn't go to the concert he would be staying home anyway. But he's going to the concert and you're going to the wedding... so who's taking care of the pets? It does sound like he just doesn't want to go to the wedding period.

But I still maintain this could wind up a non-issue when she can't book a venue for this oh-so-important-gotta-have-it date. In a super-busy month for weddings. Less than 9 months out.

Melliewood · January 2015

The festival is by our house so he will be in town a couple blocks away.

nurse714 · January 2015

Melliewood said:

He is just sad that I won't be there...that's all. He isn't as upset about that anymore since it's been a few days since the news came up. I kinda want to close this message since I am not really wanting to think about it anymore till the fall.

HE'S sad you won't be there? I would be sad or even mad that my husband is choosing a concert over attending my own sister's wedding.

VOR · January 2015

Oh, this is cute. You aren't getting the "OMG! How rude of your sister!!!!" that you KNOW you wanted so back pedaling and "i'm done with this".

Fleur67 · January 2015

As someone who was in your sister's position....this may lead to some resentment. My brother chose a sport event over going to my wedding. It was a small thing so maybe that is why he didn't think it was that important but I still resent him not going. He tried to make a variety of excuses but the fact still remains.You can miss your sister's wedding but get ready if there are some negative feelings and you get called out.

joleri23 · January 2015

Fleur67 said:

As someone who was in your sister's position....this may lead to some resentment. My brother chose a sport event over going to my wedding. It was a small thing so maybe that is why he didn't think it was that important but I still resent him not going. He tried to make a variety of excuses but the fact still remains.You can miss your sister's wedding but get ready if there are some negative feelings and you get called out.

Definitely true. It wasn't my wedding, but my SIL didn't come to my bridal shower because one of her kids had a soccer game. It's been two years and I'm still not over it.

Melliewood · January 2015

I am over it because it's 8 months away and not something I need to dwell on. I said I was going but people keep giving there opinion. I am agreeing with you that I should go!

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