Getting DH on board with Dave Ramsey. long.

Dreamkeeper03 · January 2015

Mostly a lurker here. Dh and I have been married for 4 1/2 years now, and I first read Dave Ramsey's book a couple years ago and tried to get DH to read it, but ended up giving him like a cliff notes version. Since then it feels like a losing battle. I'm a saver and he's a spender (like nearly everyone in his family). I want to take charge of our growing debts (we had a rough year money wise and resorted to CCs to help get us by...ugh). Any suggestions for getting an unmotivated DH on board to pay off debts quickly? I've tried showing him how much more money we would have each month if we eliminated even a couple of our debts asap, and I explained the debt snowball, but nothing seems to work. It doesn't help either that everyone in his family says that paying the minimum on everything is the best because companies don't need your money now, they can have it later. He really values the opinions of his family - especially his parents who use the minimum is best plan for their finances. Ugh. Sorry for long post and slight vent. TIA!

abrewer5 · January 2015

There are a few steps I would take here.. Now I'm not a huge DR follower but I wholeheartedly agree that his systems are great for couples who are in serious debt and I've done a snow ball myself. And the others on this board can probably give you better/more advice.

1. Either read DR's book with your DH (rather than the cliff notes version) or try to find one of his seminars in your area and ask DH to go. They cost money, but I've heard they are well worth it and very motivating.

2. Make a budget. Sit down with your DH and go over what comes in versus what goes out every month. See what areas you could cut back on.

3. Total up the interest you're spending on your credit cards by only paying the minimums and present that to DH. You could say in the last 6 months we've spent X on interest. If we get this paid off we'll be able to save X in 6 months versus giving it to the credit card company. Sometimes putting a monetary value on it helps them see that you're wasting your money.

4. I would highly recommend sitting down and talking with DH about finances and getting yourselves on the same page. This probably should have been done before you got married, but it's too late for that. You need emphasize to DH that your (meaning you as a couple) finances are yours, not his families, and you guys need to do what is best for you versus what his family does.

If all else fails send DH over here to this board. The people here have a lot of great advice for starting small and accomplishing goals. Maybe DR is too overwhelming for your H so you need to take it more slowly. Maybe cutting up the cards and working off an allowance for a few months would be easier for him to take. Once the few months is over you could discuss starting a snowball. Either way you need to get on the same page. So I would have a talk with DH and find out from him why he's apprehensive to start a budget and sticking to it.

als1982 · January 2015

I would suggest instead of trying to get your H to follow Dave Ramsey, you work together, compromise, and create plan and budget that you can both agree on now, and will help you accomplish your shared short, medium and long-term goals.

1. First, sit down and talk about your financial goals today, five years from now, ten years from now, and after age 65. What are they? Buy a house? Have children? Travel? Retire? Get on the same page about why you're doing what you're doing.

2. Then, start your budget with necessities, food, shelter, insurance, utilities, etc. Personally, I think cable and internet fall into no. 3.

3. After that, knowing he's going to have to make some cuts, find out what's important to him and include that in the budget. Even if you think it's silly. (For my H it's season tickets to sporting events and Monster, which is NOT how I'd spend my money if it was still me. But those are the things that keep him going.) Then, find out what he'd be willing to cut. For us, it was cable and nice cars, and new furniture (sigh.)

4. Earmark the rest for debt payments and savings.

I think trying the Dave Ramsey plan with your H is too much, too soon. Start small and sustainable. Find the balance between living an enjoyable life now, and paying off debts and preparing for the future.

jtmh2012 · January 2015

abrewer5 said:

3. Total up the interest you're spending on your credit cards by only paying the minimums and present that to DH. You could say in the last 6 months we've spent X on interest. If we get this paid off we'll be able to save X in 6 months versus giving it to the credit card company. Sometimes putting a monetary value on it helps them see that you're wasting your money.

On each of your credit card statements, there should now be a series of boxes showing how much in interest it would cost you and how long it will take you to pay off the current balance if all you did was pay the minimums and didn't charge anything else. Mine I think also shows how much you would save just by adding something like $50 or $100 to the monthly payment.

Erikan73 · January 2015

I had to sit my husband down and show the figures to him. He hates dealing with financial stuff. What I ended up having to do is limiting him to one credit that has a $300 limit on it, he's only allowed to use it for gas & haircuts & emergencies. He has an individual checking account that he gets an allowance deposited each paycheck & he uses his debit card then for that. He doesn't have to answer for how he spends that money. The rest of the money gets put into our joint account and I make sure all the bills get paid. I created a budget for to live by. It's not easy & I'll be honest, there are months we aren't perfect. One that might help is to order your credit scores to see how those are. If they are bad, you can use that as leverage to, don't you want to qualify for a good rate on a car loan so you can have a nice car when we need to get a new one? Nice doesn't mean new, but a better loan rate can get you a car in better shape because you can afford more. My husband currently can't a car by himself. Also point out to him how much money you eneded up paying in interest on your CC because of having to live off your CC since you didn't have the savings and point out that this would have been a nice trip to wherever or this would have paid for that item you've really been wanting. It's not an easy process nor a short one, I've been working on it for 2 1/2 years and don't expect for everything to be resolved for two more years or so. But I'm not giving up. We're doing more and more things every day to try to save money. It's not easy, but it will be worth it. It took me almost two years to really get my husband on board & now instead of begging & whining for things he goes, can we afford that, and if I say no, he drops it.

hoffse · January 2015

I agree with @als1982. DR can be sort of heavy for people just starting out. I'm personally not a huge fan of his methods, but they can be very good for folks who are in serious credit card debt.

Regardless of who you follow, the notion that paying minimums is good is just ridiculous. CCs are literally the worst kind of loan you can have because the interest rates are so high.

I think it's important to come up with some mutual goals. It's amazing how motivating that can be. Whether it's buying a house or having kids or traveling, having something larger than "more stuff" that you are working toward can really help people buckle down. It's especially good if the first goal could be accomplished within 12-18 months. He should be able to tolerate just about any kind of budget for that period of time, and by the end of it his habits may have changed. He seems to be losing the forest for the trees. Money is one of those things where you need to take a long-term approach, and then you can roll with the punches in the short-term.

I don't know how you can get him to stop listening to his family. If he values their advice (and their advice is obviously bad), I'm not sure where that leaves you. My H's family are spenders, and he grew up with those habits too. I had a heavy hand in our finances at the beginning to shift him away from that, and he has since decided (on his own) that his parents' approach isn't the best. Granted, he never had credit card debt, but he had virtually no savings when we got married. He has seen that by spending less we've been able to buy a new car, a new house, pay for some much-needed renovations in cash, travel, etc. and still been able to save for retirement and pay all of our bills. Those "big picture" things have become worth so much more to him than new clothes, gadgets, eating out, etc. that he's embraced the changes.

Sisugal · January 2015

Try reading Smart Couples Finish Rich by David Bach. The first few chapters are all about your values, goals and emotional relationship with money. You do the exercises seperately and then share them - opening up discussions. It will help you both understand each other better where money is concerned - allow you to move next to make a plan that works for you BOTH.

Sisugal · January 2015

Show him the credit card statement and the amount of money you are paying - when you pay only the minimums --- you often pay 3 times the original purchase price.
THEN
STOP using credit cards and go to cash. Set up a budget where he gets some personal spending money, but when it is gone, it is gone.

simplyelise · January 2015

I found this online calculator that you can use to show how much interest is paid: http://www.creditcards.com/calculators/minimum-payment.php

I think it would be useful for you guys to attend FPU if he can agree to attend. Even if you don't jump fully on board the DR ship, it is SO useful for opening a dialogue about money. If you can't get him to attend, I'd at least try to get him to agree to DR's budget committee meeting rules: http://myasburychurch.org/fpu/forms/PDF/budget_committee_rules.pdf

I would try approaching him with, "Honey, I know you feel comfortable with using credit cards for emergencies and paying off the minimums only. But for me, I feel really insecure when we carry balances on the credit cards. It makes me worry about what we would do if we lost our jobs or one of us got sick. It makes it hard for me to enjoy our money because I'm worried about our debt. I'd feel much better if we sat down together and planned out a monthly budget together. What do you think?"

I agree with PPs, if he's really opposed to any big change, see if you can get some small, positive changes in the right direction.

brij2006 · January 2015

I had read DR's book about 2 years before my H did, and he was not on board at all during that time period. For us, it took him listening to the audiobook in the car rather than actually reading it physically. That's because it's DR actually reading it himself and you get the full affect. After that, my H was all for the DR plan.

You could also sign up for FPU. Then it's a set date and time that you go to learn about his program.

Dreamkeeper03 · January 2015

Thanks! When I first read the DR book I thought it was a little much too. Like I know that funneling every single extra cent into debt is just not going to work for us. We like to have occasional fun - be that going out to dinner or a movie or for H comic books ( he collects) or for me clothes. And I have tried to get him involved with the budget and after I did we created a slot for each of us to have unaccounted for spending money, but I will admit we both slip up sometimes. He also hates with an absolute passion anything to do with our finances, so I deal with them.

Dreamkeeper03 · January 2015

I really like that audio book idea! Thanks!

Getting DH on board with Dave Ramsey. long.

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