Money Matters
emily1004
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MM and FM drama.
I've been mia for a few months, but I was hoping to get some advice from all the wise MM regulars. (Plus, the FM board tends to get a little too snarly for my liking). My family and extended family have always been extremely close. It's kind of like the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Everyone is loud and always in each others business. It's just the way we are and it seems to be fine with everyone. While we have our disagreements, no one is ever hurtful or rude to each other unless we're joking around.
That being said, most of the family members have, for the most part, always been very responsible and smart with their money. We enjoy nice dinners, trips, have beautiful homes, etc, but the majority of us have no consumer debt. One particular couple, whom I have been exceptionally close with for years, are driving me and my H insane! We don't even want to be around them anymore. Which is sad, because we have been so close for so long.
For the past few years, I started to notice something that really irritates me about their behavior. I've seen them make mistake after stupid mistake with their money. After years of making a very good income, they have absolutely no savings and they still spend uncontrollably. Every time a family member shows up with something nice and new, (something they worked hard for) like a new car or a new purse, they always comment, "Oh, we NEED to get one of those." They have three vehicles between the two of them, two of them are leased. They keep talking about how they need a new king sized mattress, new shoes, new tires, new this and new that. All while they don't even have enough money to pay their deductible (that's $500) for when they were in a car accident that cracked the bumper of their newest car." When something unexpected happens, they go into panic mode, because they can't afford to pay for it. But after every mistake, they never learn. My husband and I have gotten to the point that we don't even want to hear it anyone. It seems like if someone has some insignificant material thing, they get jealous over everything they don't have. We're not the only family members who have noticed this. We're at a loss on how to deal with their behavior. Advice?
Re: MM and FM drama.
I agree with everyone else here. It's really not your issue on how they spend their money...use that as an example of how NOT to be with money...I do the same thing with my in-laws. Just ignore all their money talk and don't discuss your financial situation with them either. Keep your distance if it really bothers you.
It's funny because we have these friends (my husband works with the husband twice a week) and this couple has SERIOUS money issues and my husband always hears them arguing on the phone over money constantly... and he's always lecturing my husband about how when we buy a house soon that we'll have to shovel our own driveway, we'll have to pay hundreds of dollars for oil fill-ups etc....and its' just funny because my husband bites his tongue but the truth is we could probably pay off his debt in a second.....he may make more $$ than my husband but it's all about how you spend it....but we just ignore it and move on...
There's a fair amount of money griping in my group of friends and *sometimes* I'll say something along the lines of "Man, I feel you! SLs are so tough. I resisted making a budget for so long but now I'm finding its a lot less stressful." I don't elaborate, however, unless they ask.
My grandmother and uncle (he is 40 years old with no real job and still lives with his mom) are like that. It makes me very angry, because they make my dad feel guilty about not bailing them out then rub stuff in his face when they buy new luxuries.
These people own three houses, a pool, two boats, a $3,000 commercial BBQ grill, a camper (all of which they do not use)...and the list goes on and on. Yet, they couldn't afford a funeral for my grandfather when he died, and so my parents had to pay for all of it. After all that, you would have thought they would learn, but nope... both of them are still living without health insurance or life insurance and still buying new furniture every 6 months.
One day, my grandmother asked me what I think about "Obamacare" and I told her that I'm glad that the government is finally making people buy health insurance, because it is unfair that I spend my money on health insurance every month while others spend their money on junk then pile into the emergency room to get treatment for "free". - That was a direct dig at them, because they do that and then don't pay their ridiculously expensive hospital bills. It felt nice to drop that in a passive way.