Relationships
katedewberry
member
So the situation is this: My (at the time) future MIL said that she was going to host a bridal shower for me for my husbands side of the family, they live about 1500 miles away. I was told a date, bought tickets, flew there and nothing. My feelings were hurt, but whatever. The wedding arrives and person after person approached my mother and I about how disappointed they were about not having a shower in their area. They way each person said it, implied that they were told it was my fault and I didn't make myself available.
Fast forward and I am pregnant with our first child, her first grandchild and it is all happening over again. My pregnancy is high risk and my doctor has said that I can't travel after 32 weeks. We have 3 months until that. MIL is saying that she wants to host a baby shower, but everything she mentions never happens. My mom has even offered to help and guide the process. (I have learned that my MIL might have ADHD or something where following through doesn't happen often). Now MIL is talking to my mom and saying that she doesn't think that it is going to happen and wants to do something after the baby is born. Both my husband and I are not comfortable having a newborn on a plane (I get sick practically every time I fly).
My fear is that she is going to spread it around that I didn't make myself available - even though we still have 3 months before I can't fly, like she did for the bridal shower, and I am going to miss out on another opportunity to bond with the women in my Husbands' family.
Honestly, I am starting to take this personally too. It is like if it has something to do with me, then she can't celebrate it. Lets not get started about the entire wedding.
How should I handle this?
I appreciate your help and advice!
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MIL and Baby Shower
So the situation is this: My (at the time) future MIL said that she was going to host a bridal shower for me for my husbands side of the family, they live about 1500 miles away. I was told a date, bought tickets, flew there and nothing. My feelings were hurt, but whatever. The wedding arrives and person after person approached my mother and I about how disappointed they were about not having a shower in their area. They way each person said it, implied that they were told it was my fault and I didn't make myself available.
Fast forward and I am pregnant with our first child, her first grandchild and it is all happening over again. My pregnancy is high risk and my doctor has said that I can't travel after 32 weeks. We have 3 months until that. MIL is saying that she wants to host a baby shower, but everything she mentions never happens. My mom has even offered to help and guide the process. (I have learned that my MIL might have ADHD or something where following through doesn't happen often). Now MIL is talking to my mom and saying that she doesn't think that it is going to happen and wants to do something after the baby is born. Both my husband and I are not comfortable having a newborn on a plane (I get sick practically every time I fly).
My fear is that she is going to spread it around that I didn't make myself available - even though we still have 3 months before I can't fly, like she did for the bridal shower, and I am going to miss out on another opportunity to bond with the women in my Husbands' family.
Honestly, I am starting to take this personally too. It is like if it has something to do with me, then she can't celebrate it. Lets not get started about the entire wedding.
How should I handle this?
I appreciate your help and advice!
Re: MIL and Baby Shower
Im very blunt, to the people who approached me at the wedding I would have said something along the lines of "I was disapointed too, especially after I travelled all that way and it didnt come happen"
As for the baby, I would send a birth announcement to all the family that live in that area, inside I would say that the new family cant wait to meet them when baby is old enough to travel.
Well, I think your DH needs to handle his mom. And I think the basic message needs to be "thanks for the offer, but we won't be traveling for a shower". If people want to send a gift, they will.
But past that- what exactly happened when you went there and there was nothing? What did she say? There has to be more to this- this is VERY odd.
If there is any inkling that she is bad mouthing you, then again, I think your DH needs to step in and talk to her and find out what is going on.
Yes, he has told her how it hurt my feelings were and has been pressuring her to make this one happen. He keeps making excuses that she is horrible at planning, etc.
Disneygeek77, she still hasn't said anything to me about anything - on the pretense that I didn't know anything about it. My husband knows that I hate surprises and has always kept me in the loop (somewhat). blessing and curse, right?
We invited her to my bridal shower in my home town and she didn't show up for that either... she works for an airline and gets free travel, but amazingly the trips to my hometown were booked (which they never are).
I need to accept that she is either just one of those people or that she doesn't like me and move forward.
thank you again!
He needs to stop this. HE also needs to accept how his mom is. And forcing her into this isn't going to make everything better.
And ditto- she sounds very disorganized. I wouldn't take it that she doesn't like you. Dont' make this into more than it is.
In the end, remember that it's JUST a shower. Really, a gift giving party. That's it. Don't give it more power than it needs to have.
This. If it were me, especially after the bridal shower incident, I'd tell both my DH and my MIL (or have DH tell her) that I am not up for traveling during my pregnancy at all nor do I want to travel with a newborn. And that we will make it out there, when we make it out there...as in some undefined point in the future...for his family to meet the baby. And if you ever hear anything about it from other relatives, the perfect response is, "Oh, I know! We were so disappointed we couldn't come out, but my pregnancy was high risk and I just wasn't comfortable traveling that far." Best excuse ever.
Because, yeah, obviously his mom is a terrible planner. Bridal showers don't need to be some big, elaborate catered affair at a restaurant. Most bridal showers I have been to were casual intimate parties, a couple dozen people meeting at someone's house, with presents, a cake, and finger foods. I could throw that together the day before, if I needed to. Unless she had already sent out beau-coup invites and then realized she couldn't host that many people, so she cancelled? It's still just weird. I would have figured something out if friend/relative had traveled by air specifically for a party I offered to throw.