Money Matters
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Husband won't split tax refund with me

Last year I spoke to a tax accountant about helping me with my freelance business. I told her that my husband and I have always filed out taxes separately (married but separate, I think). She basically said that's illegal unless you and your spouse live separately 6 or more months out of the year. She said we could owe back money if we're ever audited. I got scared and forced my husband to file jointly with me this year.

Fast forward... we got our taxes done. And because we did it differently, the joint refund was significantly less that what we usually get separately. My husband was pissed. So now he doesn't think it's fair to split it, because it'd be even less money for him, but I'd make out good because it'd be more than what I normally get.

For example, he normally gets back maybe $11,000. But our joint refund is $10,000. Which means if we split it, he'd get back only $5,000-less than half of what he's used to getting.

For me, I typically get back about $2,500. So splitting the refund would give me double what I normally receive.

I'm just getting annoyed it's been 3 weeks and he's still holding onto the money. He won't spend it--he's good with saving money. And he says I should let it go because it's not like I need it ASAP. But if I had received the refund, I would have given him his portion--whatever amount--3 weeks ago when it was deposited.

BTW-We do have a joint account, the the tax lady just deposited it into his account that she's had on file for 10+ years. Even if it had gone into our joint account, that still doesn't settle how it would be split between us.

Re: Husband won't split tax refund with me

  • AprilZ81AprilZ81 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    First, your tax person is wrong.  You are allowed to file as "married, filing separately".  Check to see if it is possible for you to work with someone else to file an amendment to your filing if it will allow you to receive a larger refund.  I'm not sure if it is possible, but it is worth a shot. A joint filing is usually the best way to maximize returns, but it isn't the best for everyone.

    http://taxes.about.com/od/filingstatus/qt/marriedseparate.htm

    Second, do you and your husband have joint accounts and merged finances?  If so, why does it matter which account it sits in?  If you do not have merged finances then you need to have a serious talk with your husband to talk about why he isn't working with you to find a joint purpose for the money because it belongs to you both as a married couple.

    Third, you need to decrease your tax with holdings if you are getting that much money back from the government.  You are giving the government a $10,000 interest free loan.

    I'm also confused that if you normally file separately how you would give him "his share" of your refund.  If you filed separately AND don't have merged finances none of it would be "his".

    Overall I'm just really confused about this situation.
    Formerly AprilH81
    photo composite_14153800476219jpg

  • This sounds like a marriage problem not a money problem. I'd recommend seeing a couple's counselor.
    HeartlandHustle | Personal Finance and Betterment Blog  
  • als1982 said:

    This sounds like a marriage problem not a money problem. I'd recommend seeing a couple's counselor.

    I agree with PP.

    I would seriously consider this.  I know not all couples share their money like H and I do but if he is being this stubborn it seems more like a maturity/relationship problem.

    Anniversary
    Love: March 2010   Marriage: July 2013   Debt Free: October 2014   TTC: May 2015
  • als1982 said:

    This sounds like a marriage problem not a money problem. I'd recommend seeing a couple's counselor.

    I agree with PP.

    I would seriously consider this.  I know not all couples share their money like H and I do but if he is being this stubborn it seems more like a maturity/relationship problem.
    I also agree.  Even though my H and I have some separate accounts, we consider all of our money "our" money.  If H wants some of it for something special he could discuss that with you, but "mine vs. yours" language for a married couple sounds troubling to me.  
  • I couldn't be married to someone like that.  It is totally legal to file separate but married.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I agree with all of the above.

    This doesn't even make sense.  My H and I have separate bank accounts, but we file taxes together and it goes into our savings account--which is actually an account just in my name but I don't consider it 'my' money.  I don't understand why it would matter who's account it's in because you should be deciding together what to do with it. 

     

  • H and I had some issues with his, hers, and our money, but I haven't had any issues about that. We plan out our taxes ahead of time for something for the house and maybe a little but equal spending money for each.
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  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I almost couldn't read past your accountant telling you that filing separately is illegal.  You need a new accountant, immediately. 
  • Another vote for finding another accountant ASAP. My husband and I file "married filing seperate" and have done so the last 3 years since getting married. We do make out a little better that way. And with the fact that my husband's had been working to pay off past balances with the IRS that we finally got paid off a year ago, I'm sure he's high on their radar. Anyways, as long as you declare everything you earn & proper deductions, there is nothing illegal about it. I agree with a PP who said you should consider changing your withholdings so that you bring more home weekly instead of letting the IRS make money off it. My husband and I do have seperate accounts, but that is for our "allowance" money and everything else goes into joint. If one of gets a bonus we may keep a small portion of it to go towards something we were saving up. Like I put aside a portion of my husbands bonus for his annual golf outting.  The rest going into the joint checking to pay bills. I kept a little of mine and bought a new outfit from Old Navy. We figure it's our hard work that got us those bonuses so we reward ourselves with a little something with it. But this is agreed upon. You and husband need to have a serious talk about money

     

  • I've got a dollar that says they have been filing as Head of Household and Single if there are kids involved. That's why the lady brought up the living apart for the last six months of the year. That is a legit way to file if you are married. BUT not if you are living together at any time from July 1 until December 31. Then it's MFJ or MFS.
  • TSNNMM said:

    Last year I spoke to a tax accountant about helping me with my freelance business. I told her that my husband and I have always filed out taxes separately (married but separate, I think). She basically said that's illegal unless you and your spouse live separately 6 or more months out of the year. She said we could owe back money if we're ever audited. I got scared and forced my husband to file jointly with me this year.


    Fast forward... we got our taxes done. And because we did it differently, the joint refund was significantly less that what we usually get separately. My husband was pissed. So now he doesn't think it's fair to split it, because it'd be even less money for him, but I'd make out good because it'd be more than what I normally get.

    For example, he normally gets back maybe $11,000. But our joint refund is $10,000. Which means if we split it, he'd get back only $5,000-less than half of what he's used to getting.

    For me, I typically get back about $2,500. So splitting the refund would give me double what I normally receive.

    I'm just getting annoyed it's been 3 weeks and he's still holding onto the money. He won't spend it--he's good with saving money. And he says I should let it go because it's not like I need it ASAP. But if I had received the refund, I would have given him his portion--whatever amount--3 weeks ago when it was deposited.

    BTW-We do have a joint account, the the tax lady just deposited it into his account that she's had on file for 10+ years. Even if it had gone into our joint account, that still doesn't settle how it would be split between us.
    I don't feel married couples should have this kind of divide.  It sounds more like roommates, not a married couple working towards common goals.
  • smerka said:

    I've got a dollar that says they have been filing as Head of Household and Single if there are kids involved. That's why the lady brought up the living apart for the last six months of the year. That is a legit way to file if you are married. BUT not if you are living together at any time from July 1 until December 31. Then it's MFJ or MFS.



    Thanks for the possible explanation.  I was also thinking there is something the OP is either not understanding or not explaining correctly in regards to her tax lady's advice.

    OP, what your H is doing is really scummy sounding.  And this is even coming from a gal who struggles with the concept of "our money" instead of "my money" and my DH and I largely keep our finances separate.  Not a perfect solution by any stretch, but will he at least discuss with you the plans for that $10,000...even if he won't give you access?  Like, "Should we put it in our retirement account or pay down bills, etc.?"  At least then, you know he is putting it toward the well being of the family and toward common goals. 


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