Should I tell him?

Re: Should I tell him?

• GilliC member

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  Last new years (1/2014) I went out to a bar with a friend and danced all night with one of her guy friends.. We also made out. He invited me to his place. I didnt go.  That was where it ended.  We saw each other a couple times after and were cordial but neither of us (I'm assuming) had any interest in pursuing a relationship.  

  
  

  I started dating my current boyfriend a couple months later.. We are moving into a house together in August.  NY's guy lives in the basement apartment of the house we're moving into.. I'm wondering if I should tell my boyfriend about the new year's fling in the interest of full disclosure or if it would just make him worry unnecessarily..

  
  

  Opinions?

  Why do you think you should tell him?

  • Do you think he would be upset to find out later if you don't tell him up front? Why is that?
  • Are you still attracted to the guy? Do you trust yourself around him, or do you think there's a chance that something might happen again?

  I think that understanding why you think you should bring it up would help us better answer the underlying question.

  

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• isadora222 member

  

  March 2015

  I think it's possible that he would be upset if he found out later, though I can't think of a reason that he would find out. The guy is a generally nice person and I cant think of a reason that he would want to cause drama.. 

  
  

   I'm just trying to do what's right.. 

  
  

  I guess that's what my questions is.  Would he have reason to be upset if he did find out another way?

  
  

  I think it kind of depends on how much interaction we have with him.. He will have to come to our part of the house to do his laundry and that could be the extent of it.. Or we may all become friends as we all share similar interests.. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• isadora222 member

  

  March 2015

  I am not worried that something will happen again.. I love my boyfriend and would never cheat on him

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• MrsAshleyH10 member

  

  March 2015

  I'm going to go with a "don't ask, don't tell" approach to this. As long as both you and other guy have clear boundaries, there is no need to bring it up or worry about it.
  

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• isadora222 member

  

  March 2015

  Thanks! That's that what I'm leaning toward.. I just wanted to make sure I'm not doing anything unkind.. 

  
  

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• VOR member

  

  March 2015

  I think I'm in the "don't ask, don't tell" category too. If, IF, it were ever to come out, I'd just try to make it seem like the unimportant experience that it really was.  "Oh, jeez, it was a drunken hook up at a bar one time.  It was such a small blip on the radar, I really haven't thought about it in forever."

  And as you have seen and been around this guy since and there was no indication of anything, I'd focus on that.  "It was just one time and as I've seen him since and there was NOTHING there, it made that night even less important.  It's really something that fell to the back of my brain.". 

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• GilliC member

  

  March 2015

  You weren't together at the time, so he really has no justification for getting upset if he did find out. I assume that he does know that you two are acquainted / have mutual friends? If that hasn't come up, you might mention that you know him because he's a friend of so-and-so. That seems like a pretty natural thing to mention, and not mentioning it would seem to me like you were hiding something.

  
  

  As for bringing up making out with him? I'm definitely in the Don't Ask, Don't Tell camp. I've made out with plenty of guys when I was single, and some of them I'm still friends with. It was a one-time thing, and neither of us even thinks about it, so unless my SO specifically asked about it, there's no reason to bring it up and put those mental images in his head!

  
  

  (If he did ask, and then got upset over the answer, that would be a major red flag to me. We all have a past, and you get zero say on what a person does before you're together.)

  

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• BlueBirdMB member

  

  March 2015

  I think you are making way too much out of this.  You did nothing wrong and there is nothing for him to be upset about or you to feel guilty about.  My husband and I have been together for 6 years.  Over the course of that time, I've probably told him about all of these circumstances just through conversation.  Eh maybe not, but it's only because it never came up and I certainly haven't felt that I needed to make a list.

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• Erikan73 member

  

  March 2015

  No reason to bring it up, but if he asks you how the two of you know each other I would be honest and tell him you meet him at a bar one night while out with friends, but it never developed into anything. If he asks, why didn't you say tell him, because it didn't turn into anything. After leaving the bar you both went your seperate ways.

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• NoneForUs member

  

  March 2015

  MrsAshleyH10 said:

  I'm going to go with a "don't ask, don't tell" approach to this. As long as both you and other guy have clear boundaries, there is no need to bring it up or worry about it.
  

  This. 

  
  

  It sounds like you've moved on and there's no need to upset your boyfriend by sharing this with him. 

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