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LizRN2007
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Need advice re: Custody issues with fiancé's daughter
So my fiancé has a child from a previous relationship. They were not married. The child is 3 1/2 yrs old. They were together for about 4 months after the baby was born when he found out some things about their relationship and he broke it off. He still wanted to be in his childs life and has had her in a joint custody type of situation (he has her half the time in a 2wk period). This was mutually agreed upon i guess by the two of them and there were no legal documents drawn up. I have been around and in the childs life since she was about 15months. But since we have recently become engaged there have been some issues come up that I think may stem from jealously..etc.. The mother is catholic and enrolled her in a catholic preschool without talking to my fiancé and recently told him of this. One of the days she is to attend is on his parenting time that they had mutually agreed on prior. However, we are not catholic, and are in fact nondenominational, and have already enrolled her in a preschool which she already attends during the time the child is present in our home. When he told her she was already enrolled in one during his parenting time she stated "well if you don't want her then I want her more". Long story she was raised very Catholic (which is not a problem) and went to catholic school, but this is not something he necessary supports or wants for his child and she is aware of this. She is a very passive aggressive person with him because she knows that he is a very giving man. He has done things above and beyond for her even though they aren't in a relationship. I feel like she is possibly jealous that he is now engaged to another woman and is trying to get full custody. They have had a joint arrangement the whole childs life and it would kill him to have his child only every other weekend. Is it likely that a judge would change this if they got a legal document drawn up and couldn't agree to joint? He has no psychological/drug/abuse problems whatsoever. I told him he needs meet with a mediator pronto to get something legal worked up so these things aren't an issue. It kills me that a mother would want to remove the childs father out of her life out of jealously. Thoughts?
Re: Need advice re: Custody issues with fiancé's daughter
There is nothing he can do to stop her from enrolling their daughter into a religious based preschool. If the mother is religious and wants to expose their daughter to her faith, that's part of her family history. Just like it's your FI right to enroll her in a non-religious pre-school. For the sake of their daughter, it would probably be easier to have the child in one preschool so that daughter can have a regular schedule. That is unless you live too far away from that school to be able to get her there easily on the days you have her. If her mother wants to continue to spend the cost for catholic schools as she gets older, that's her choice. If they have legal documents drawn up and he can have it put in there that he will not pay additional support or split the costs of any private schools until she goes to college. One thing I do want to ask, what are the regular schools like in the area that her mother works in? Reason I ask is when my nephew was borned they had him baptized Catholic (father's side) as the school district they lived in at the time wasn't the best of school districts. By having him baptized Catholic, if they still lived in that area when it was time for him to go to school, then they had the option of sending him to a catholic school which would be a better educated for him the what the public school system had to offer. I bring this up because in a few short years his daughter will be going to school and you can't have her going to two different regular schools. Time to start figuring that stuff out.
First of all, if my childs father enrolled him in a preschool without consulting me first, especially if it was the preschool for children of employees at his girlfriends work, to say I would be LIVID would be a huge understatment!!!! Why did you feel ok with enrolling her in a preschool without consulting her mother????
OK, so I get it a little more, that due to the hours that the preschool she is at on your FI's days, it's not a convenient schedule because you have to find care for her the rest of the day then and take and hour from your work day to go pick her up & bring her to where you need to for care the rest of the day. That makes a lot more sense. It sounds like FI & his ex need to get together to come up with a mutual acceptable located pre-school that has a schedule that works for all adults involved. It would be in the childs best interested to be able to go to the same place everyday, but if that isn't going to work, you need to come to an agreement. Is changing the days that FI gets his daughter an option so that she is going to the preschool her mother selected on her mom's days? Be willing to be open to changing the visitiation schedule for this and possibly other things as his daughter gets older.
When my sister got married, her new husband had 2 kids from a previous marriage. My sister's ex had gotten re-married to a women with 3 kids from a previous marriage. For the sake of the kids my sister got her ex to change up his vistation weekends so she could have their son the same weekend her stepkids would be visiting so the kids could spend time together. In turn, he& his new wife did the same with her ex so her kids could be there when his son was. Every one that thought that it was best for the kids so they could build relationships.