help me pick a side of the fence!

formerlyGDaisy09 · April 2015

I mentioned a few weeks ago in tipsy tuesday that I'm a little hung-up on when to tell my boss about the pregnancy I still can't decide what's in my best interest. if it weren't for this meeting my plan would be to tell him after I have my first appointment at 9 weeks...tomorrow I'm 7w 2d. I would prefer to tell him myself then to have him figure things out/question me.

the long story is that tomorrow I'm driving us 3 1/2 hours to a meeting he is running and I'm assisting, This is a small meeting with about 30 of our collegues, generally the first night starts with dinner and drinks. I'm unsure if I can make excuses and cover for myself for the entire trip. I'm doubting I can go the whole drive without needing a bathroom break or two...ok I can play that off as a tiny bladder, snacking on the way will also be essential. If I can manage to beat him to the restaurant/bar I can probably get some help from the bartender/waiter...but my boss always insists on paying for my drinks so then he'll either see the bill that I've been just drinking soda all night or he'll be paying for cocktails that I'm not actually drinking. The restaurant in the hotel is also a sushi bar, which I would generally be extremely excited about...and I've never heard my boss turn-down an opportunity for sushi. The next day should be OK, and I'm driving home by myself.

the short story is: traveling for work, several situations of food/alcohol/etc. where I'd be deviating from normal behavior.

H thinks I should tell him. I'm still feeling like it's a little too soon, but I'm unsure that I can make it through the next 48 hours without raising too many red flags.

mrshall1027 · April 2015

If you don't feel comfortable telling him, then don't. Maybe just tell him that you are taking some antibiotics or medication and can't drink. As for the sushi, maybe tell him you got sick the last time you ate some and can't bring yourself to eat any for now.

formerlyGDaisy09 · April 2015

I should add that my boss is a doctor, having actually been on medication in the past he's actually told me "oh you can have one drink, I'm a doctor, trust me"...not 100% sure that excuse would work, but I could try it.

mseale · April 2015

I found out I was pregnant just before Thanksgiving, and spent the whole holidays at parties/social situations where I would normally drink. I typically just ordered whatever cocktail in front of friends/family, then excused myself to use the restroom. Found the waiter and said "make mine non-alcoholic all night please." No one caught on, and after we announced many people asked if we knew at X party because I was drinking! heh.

That was my story to say that generally people are more oblivious than you think. And so what if he catches on, and thinks something? If he asks, then tell him the truth. If he doesn't, then tell him when you are ready.

I think you are un-necessarily stressing over this situation.

Sewilson33 · April 2015

I think you can pull it off just by telling the waiter to make ur drink non alcoholic. I drank seltzer and cranberry at every wedding we went to for the first trimester. Not one person caught on. Waiters and bartenders do this more often than you think.
And IF your boss figures it out, considering he is a doctor, I doubt he will call you out in front of anyone.

formerlyGDaisy09 · April 2015

mseale said:
I found out I was pregnant just before Thanksgiving, and spent the whole holidays at parties/social situations where I would normally drink. I typically just ordered whatever cocktail in front of friends/family, then excused myself to use the restroom. Found the waiter and said "make mine non-alcoholic all night please." No one caught on, and after we announced many people asked if we knew at X party because I was drinking! heh.

That was my story to say that generally people are more oblivious than you think. And so what if he catches on, and thinks something? If he asks, then tell him the truth. If he doesn't, then tell him when you are ready.

I think you are un-necessarily stressing over this situation.

thanks! I tend to un-necessarily over stress about a lot of things. I went to visit a friend this weekend and he was on to me as soon as I said I was really hungry and would rather head straight to dinner than go for drinks first (our general drinking venues of choice are tap-rooms where beer is the only option...fake drinks aren't possible). I think he affected my confidence in how oblivious people generally are. if my boss is planning to pick-up the tab I suppose I could always say I had way too much fun at the bridal shower I was at this weekend and just stick to water.

ILoveRedVino · April 2015

Personally, I wouldn't tell yet. I did do some fake drinking, but I would also just say I wasn't up for it, limiting alcohol, etc.

islandmonkey8 · April 2015

I wouldn't tell yet, especially if I wasn't comfortable yet. I'd order non-alcoholic, order alcoholic and not drink it, or just tell him you're not drinking right now. Diet, meds, or just ignore it completely.

Ewenice83 · April 2015

I ate sushi the entire time I was pregnant. You could always opt for sushi that has all cooked components if that concerns you at all.

formerlyGDaisy09 · April 2015

Thanks Everyone!

This ended up not being a huge issue, my boss had just gotten back from 2 weeks overseas and was still extremely jet lagged, so by the time we got to the hotel he decided that rather than our usual plan of sushi and cocktails he was going to order room service and go to bed. Fortunately, or unfortunately, the next conference we have plans for me to attend is the weekend after my due date.

help me pick a side of the fence!

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