Sis annoyed at scheduling issues with my night shift DH

Re: Sis annoyed at scheduling issues with my night shift DH

• englishtrish1 member

  

  April 2015

  I worked nights for years so I have a couple of thoughts on this. Is your DH working tonight? If no, then I think you could go earlier as most nighters don't sleep a full day the night they don't work any way. Secondly your sister wanting you to come early is equally as irritating as you wanting to stay later than she wants you to

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• als1982 member

  

  April 2015 edited April 2015

  ldawngirl said:

  Background: My DH works night (11 pm to 7 am) and has for over 5 years now.
  
  My sister and I were just making plans for tonight and I said we'd be by her place around 7 or 7:30 pm. An acceptable time for a games night IMO and generally when we do come over. She didn't say anything, but from her tone, I could tell something was up, so I asked why she sounded annoyed, thinking it was more to do with her day or her partner. She then said how annoying it was to have to work within my DH's schedule. That they were super tired and would want to go to bed at 10 pm. Of course I got defensive and annoyed at this. I mean, we're talking about wanting him to wake up early (essentially it would be like a normal day person waking up at 5 am) so they can go to bed at 10 pm on a Saturday.
  
  Thoughts? I get - more than anyone - how annoying it can be to make plans around my husband's sleep schedule, but it is the way it is. It's not like this is a new development. And getting together at 7 pm is not abnormal. IMO, wanting to go to bed at 10 pm on a Saturday is weird. We have friends with young kids who stay up later.
  

  I get both sides.  And frankly, as an adult I freaking LOVE going to bed at 10 p.m. on a Saturday night.  She needs to respect your H's work schedule, and you need to respect her need to get a decent night's sleep without being so judgmental.

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• Xstatic3333 member

  

  April 2015

  I think this is a situation where neither of you is wrong, but it shouldn't have gotten to a point where everyone is irritated and grouchy.  It sounds like your sister let frustration build instead of just telling you what their scheduling needs are.  

  
  

  How the conversation could have gone:

  
  

  OP: "Does 7 work well for you?"

  Sister: "I'm afraid that's a little late for us.  Could you come by around 6?"

  OP: "Unfortunately no, since H is working that night and needs to be sleeping at 6.  He has next Thursday off, so we could be over by 6 then.  Would that work for you guys?"

  
  

  Bottom line: I don't think your H should have to compromise his sleep schedule.  I know night shifters have to work pretty hard to keep on target so they are alert for their jobs.  I also think your sister shouldn't have to host people later than she's comfortable with.  I'd just make plans going forward on nights when your H is off so a small deviation won't mess him up so badly, and try to be calm but upfront with your sister about scheduling needs.  

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• Erikan73 member

  

  April 2015

  If it's a night your husband has to work, what about going over without him? This way he can get the sleep he needs, your sister can go to bed at a time she likes and you still get to see her. When husband gets up, he can join you later. It's a compromise that might respect everyone's sleep schedule. I get your husband's sleep schedule with having a roommate that works those hours also. But as a person who is usually in bed & asleep around 10 PM, even on the weekends (I like to keep my normal schedule and I work often 6-7 days a week so sleeping in later to catch up isn't an option) I get where your sister is coming from.

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• Tofumonkey member

  

  April 2015

  I don't get where your sister is coming from. This seems like an easy fix:

  
  

  If you don't like how long your guests stay, stop inviting those guests. If they stay long because the board game takes so long, play a shorter game, or play with quick rules. Or get into the game right when they arrive. Or split the game into two parts, play the second half the next time you see them. Hell, play FIFA on Xbox Live online from your own houses if you have to.

  
  

  The solution doesn't have to be either you overstay your welcome or them staying up longer than they'd like.

  
  

  
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• VOR member

  

  April 2015

  I do find it ironic that you want her to respect your DHs sleep schedule but you don't respect hers.  All because "you have friends" who have kids and stay up past 10.  LOL. 
  
  And for the fact that a 7 pm start time seems to automatically mean you'll all still be there at 10 tells me that you tend to overstay your welcome and don't leave at a decent time. 
  
  You've got to give respect in order to get respect. 
  
  
  
  
  

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