NMMR: How to budget time?

noffgurl · April 2015

I would like y'all's tips and suggestions on making time for things other than school and work. It seems like all I do now days is go to class and go to work. I don't seem to have the time or motivation to get the house as clean as I want it, I rarely ever talk to the friends I had, I don't really get out to do anything outside of work except for class, grocery shopping, and occasionally a date night with H. I need to figure this out, I need to lose weight, and I need to figure out how to make things good with friends and actually hang out with them again. I don't know what happened with me. What would you do?

Xstatic3333 · April 2015

I went through a lot of the same issues when I was in grad school. It's definitely tough! The first thing I'd say is that you should give yourself permission to take it easy on some of your previous responsibilities. This is a time in your life when your family and career need to come first, and that's a good, exciting thing! Your true friends will understand.

Cleaning pretty much went to hell while I was in school. I'm not a naturally organized cleaner, and I always have to fight with laziness about it anyway, so school was a very convenient excuse. What helped a little was buying simple meal ingredients so that cooking didn't take too long, and trying to tackle "one thing a day" for other cleaning and household tasks. I also got good at asking my H for help, instead of waiting to get grumpy with him when he didn't magically do the task I wanted. I know your H travels a lot for work, but don't be afraid to lean on him when he's home! Also, you can use cleaning tasks as simple "brain breaks" in the middle of studying or writing a paper.

With friends, I would make plans in advance and then hold to them, no matter what. I tried (and still do try) to see one friend/family member per weekend. Doing stuff both nights was too exhausting. Saturday lunch or Sunday brunch can be good ways to see people that don't take too long or cost too much.

Since you mention losing weight, walking or running with a friend could work! One of my best friends just had a baby and is super busy, but we meet up every few months to run a race together. If you give yourself a few months it's not too hard to train for a 5k. I hated running at first but have really grown to love it! Just invest in some good shoes if you're going to give it a shot.

formerlyGDaisy09 · April 2015

This is one of the hardest things I found with working full time and going to graduate school. some things that worked for me were to put things in my calendar...like if I'm going for a run I put my distance goal and block-off the amount of time I need, if I miss a friend e-mail make plans and block-off the time. my calendar would look a little overwhelming, but ultimately I had every minute of the day planned and had no choice but to be productive.

I'm fortunate that I work in a big place and many of my friends work here too, but I would make an effort to schedule a lunch or coffee break with them to catch-up. We also planned monthly girls nights, always low-key, always pot-luck, and we rotated houses.

Saturday mornings were my cleaning days I woke-up early, got the grocery shopping done, and then spent 4-5 hours cleaning the house, if H was around he was asked to help and given an assignment he could handle, It was always hard to get out of bed, but saturday night when the fridge was full and the house was clean it was so nice to just relax on the couch with H and watch a movie.

Some of it was being a little selfish and doing what I needed to survive. there were a few times when school work piled up, the house wasn't clean, and nothing seemed to be going right. I prioratized things (generally the list went H, work, School, friends, house...occasionally H had to come after work and school) there were times when I would say Sorry H, I need to plow through a massive amount of school work this weekend, and I would go park myself at starbucks all afternoon to get away from distractions of H and the house and be super productive at finishing the accumulated school work over an expensive coffee drink (not MM...but definitely good for my mental health).

good luck with the exercise, I will say that when I'm exercising, once i'm over the initial hump I have more energy and better focus when I'm following a good exercise plan and eating right.

MommyLiberty5013 · April 2015

Well, regarding the cleaning, you could make a rotating schedule. For example, I never, ever clean my entire house at once. Over six weeks, though, the house totally gets cleaned. It used to be every 3 weeks, then 4, then 5, but it just was too rigorous for me with 3 kiddos under 5 years old.

For me this week is the powder room, the laundry room (and its floor) and the microwave. Last week, was washing all the bed linens, dusting the bedrooms, and vacuuming the bedrooms. One of my six weeks is built in totally for my personal stuff though - it's when I get my hair cut, wax, and do special projects but no other cleaning.

Regarding friends and outside activities, you basically just need to schedule it and be intentional with it. Otherwise it won't happen. Why not start with a listing of desires for how you want to spend your time and with whom? Then, tackle the list and see what becomes of it.

Do you have and use a calendar either in paper format or on your phone? Whatever format it is - it needs to work for you. For example, I only use paper format calendars. I know it's "old school." But it works for me and I have one in journal format that I can take with me in my purse or diaper bag. It features the whole month, but also it breaks the weeks down and has lines for each day of each week. I can look ahead...I also jot notes in it and I cannot tell you how many times I have gone back to reread something or to find a phone number, coupon code, etc..

Having this calendar nearby when sending an email to a friend about a possible dinner out or a play date for our kids really helps. It's a very intentional tool.

With the gym, they usually have schedules for classes online. So look ahead and once again use your calendar. I like the reoccurring group classes as they are always easy to build into the weekly schedule.

Also, you have to schedule time to plan your time. For example, every Thursday is my planning day. I look ahead and see what's coming in the following week. What chores, errands, projects, appointments. I have my head wrapped around it and there's no surprises. This past Thursday I knew for this week I needed to mail FIL's birthday gift and get a watercraft license for our canoe.

I wasn't this organized 2 years ago. I won't fib you; this will take some effort to set up. I got a bit overwhelmed at times making it work. But, once it is set-up and you use it, you will be amazed at how well it works! I cannot imagine life without it.

Plus, I feel okay with the house chores. Less overwhelmed because I know with my rotations everything will get done! I don't have to worry about next week's chores. I can focus on my assigned tasks for this week only.

Be intentional.

hoffse · April 2015

I don't have any advice other than you just have to do it. It can be difficult to get motivated, but the time you have is what you have.

Starting with exercise - find something that can tolerate, even if it's not something you really enjoy. H and I have started taking more walks and hikes just to get outside. I've lost a few pounds since starting to do that, and it helps clear my head. Bonus points if you find a kind of exercise you really enjoy.

With friends - take 15-30 minutes of your day each day and make a point to send/answer emails or facebook chats to at least get in contact again. It doesn't take that long, and then you'll initiate the process of getting back in touch.

For housework - figure out what starts you down the slippery slope toward a messy house, and then focus on THAT. For me it's three things: laundry, dishes, and making the bed. If I get behind on one of those, it's like I feel the house is messy already so there's really no point in going out of my way to clean up anything else. So I try to keep laundry contained during the week, I make the bed in the mornings, and I handle the dishes/wipe down the counters before leaving for work. I spend less than 15 minutes each morning dealing with the house, but then I can leave for work feeling like the house is under control and I've accomplished something that morning. I also force myself to deal with my clothes after work each day - whether that is putting them in the laundry pile, hanging them up, whatever. I make myself do it. That helps me keep the laundry pile under control, so I don't get overwhelmed by it on the weekends.

Here's a piece of advice that a law partner once gave me that I try to incorporate: any time you are facing a task that will take you less than 5 minutes, just make yourself do it. Don't put it off to a more convenient time. There isn't a more convenient time than now.

short+sassy · April 2015

I love Xstatic3333's suggestions. Maybe you can form a walking club with your friend's. Like, every Saturday at 9 AM, you all meet at XYZ park and walk for 30 minutes. Maybe coffee afterward at a nearby coffeehouse...just stay away from those pastries!

That is totally me, lol. I'll rationalize, "I exercised for 30 minutes today. Now I deserve to eat French fries. (And blow by 3-4 times all the calories I just walked off.)"

Also, is it within your budget to hire a housekeeper once a week? You might be surprised how affordable they are.

I definitely sympathize! My tenant, who lives next door, is going to medical school. He doesn't even work at all. He can't. Medical school is all consuming. Poor guy goes to school about 40 hours/week and then studies the rest of the time. He definitely makes time to exercise, though. He has a stationary bike and rides that while he studies. We also live a few miles from his college and he often rides his bike to school.

noffgurl · April 2015

Thank you all! I think I just get myself so overwhelmed with what I need/want to do that I end up putting it off over and over.

vlagrl29 · April 2015

you need to prioritize. That's what I do. I haven't been in school for 10 years so I don't have that on my back, but I do SAH with my DD, teach music lessons part time and play gigs with my trio on weekends during the busy season. It's important for me to have an outlet and that has always been getting my fitness on. Currently I go to the yoga studio and have made great friends there. I make a point to go out with a couple of them once a month. I also have date night about once a month with DH. There is no way I was letting myself keep that baby weight on my body so that was always motivation to get myself off the couch.

vlagrl29 · April 2015

Regarding cleaning I deep clean the entire house every 2 months, vacuum and lightly dust/pick up once a week, laundry every 2 weeks, and dishes every couple days. I don't like feeling like I"m stuck cleaning all the time so this works very well for me.

abrewer5 · April 2015

I agree with the ideas above. My calendar is my lifeline. I've always told my H if anything happens to me just get my calendar and you will figure it out. It has when our bills are due, what I have coming up, etc.

You might have to ease back into your friendships depending on how long it's been since you've seen them. It's a really good idea to cut out a few minutes every day or every other day to contact old friends and get back in touch with them. Once you do that you can start getting together for something you enjoy. Ex: I have a book club at work that I love! We meet monthly and take turns picking a book. You can get a lot of books on audible now to listen to while you work out, or I just use the kindle app on my phone and read while I use the elliptical. This could be a fun thing to do with your friends.

It's hard and life gets in the way a lot, but you have to make time for you! As far as cleaning goes, H and I split up the cleaning duties. I do all the laundry and dusting and he vaccums and cleans the bathrooms. We split up who scrubs the kitchen floor depending on who is in the mood. We vaccum, dust and do laundry at least one day a week and we do dishes after every meal so we never have dishes in the sink. I'd highly recommend if your H isn't already on board getting him on board to help with the cleaning. It makes it a lot more managable.

I think once you start doing these things regularly you'll get into a routine and be more motivated to keep it up. You just have to form the habit first and get in the mindset. Good luck!

formerlyGDaisy09 · April 2015

more thoughts on cleaning, I by no means have this figured out, but here are a few things we've tried that may or may not work.

1. set a daily schedule of things that will take you 30 minutes (laundry excluded):

monday: tidy the house and Laundry

tuesday: wipe down all surfaces (counters, microwave, stove) dust tables, shelves, etc.

Wednesday: Vacuum

thursday: Bathrooms

Friday: organize something (pantry, sock drawer, closet...pick one thing and only focus on that).

that gets the house most of the way clean and you don't spend forever on it. H and I tried this for a while (it's no longer working) but our deal was whoever was home first started on whatever task was on the list. and some time saturday was dedicated to some chore that didn't need to be done weekly.

2. assign chores between you and your H so he is sharing more of the burden. this is basically what we do now. I do the grocery shopping, cooking, organizing, general pick-up, mopping, steam cleaning, changing sheets, washing linens, and most pet care stuff. H takes out the trash, recycling and compost, does the dishes, and runs the vacuum when asked, and now that I'm pregnant he does the bathroom cleaning (or anything with harsh cleaners) and cleans the cat boxes. We both take care of our own laundry (though we're still working on laundry etiquette...I went downstairs this morning to find the load I put in the dryer yesterday morning had been unceremoniously lumped into a basket and was still slightly damp and wrinkled)

kmurphy2131 · April 2015

I had always done my big house cleaning (bathrooms, dusting, deep clean in kitchen etc) on one of my days off. We actually just hired a cleaning person to come in every other week. It's not very financially savy but we just moved 20min further from my job and H is so busy and has such an erratic schedule that EVERYTHING was falling to me (all cooking, all shopping and errands, all budgeting, all cleaning and chores) which was just too much on top of a full-time job and teaching yoga. I was shocked by how low the cost was and would have started using her a year ago if I knew it. I tried the "chore a day" thing previously but it never worked for me. I just made it (and still do make it) a point to make my bed daily, and take care of dishes everyday so that things never got too bad. It also helps to keep cleaning stuff where you need it. If I keep cleaning stuff in each bathroom I'm more likely to clean it while I'm in there and have a few extra minutes, then if I need to go out and find the cleaning products.

As for dishes we minimize those by meal planning ahead of time. For instance, I am off today and will make sure that we are set for tomorrow for dinner when I cook tonight. Basically, on my work days the only dishes we ever have to deal with are tupperware containers and plates, all stuff that can go right in the dishwasher - no pots/pans/cutting boards etc. That is a HUGE time saver. I enjoy cooking so meal planning is easy for me, but I also like to make soups and freeze them, lasagna and freeze it, burritos and freeze them etc. That way there we can always eat home cooked but it's not a burden to be cooking all the time.

csuave · April 2015

The less you have to think about the better. Meal planning is something I don't want to spend time on. Every day I eat cereal for breakfast and a Lean Cuisine, piece of fruit or carrots and yogurt for lunch. Two meals I don't think about at all and that are calorie controlled. You can do this with dinner too. Assign soup and salad to Mondays, pasta to Tuesdays, etc.

For staying fit, the little stuff can add up. Try to drink only water instead of soda or other unhealthy or high calorie drinks. Take the stairs. Take walks and call friends to chat while walking.

Good luck

blondie42107 · April 2015

I think there have been a lot of great suggestions. I feel like I struggle with this frequently. I usually have to make some adjustments as life changes.

Right now I'm balancing work, husband, two kids, preschool schedule (projects, show and tell, snack schedule, etc), t-ball starts next week, household, pets, some sort of social life, etc.

In the morning, I try to get up first to get some coffee and a few minutes of quiet. On school days (2x/wk) H makes the kids breakfast because he works from home those mornings. Otherwise I take the kids to daycare. After work I pick up the kids from daycare, get home about the same time as H, start on dinner, spend time together, etc. H and I both usually get the kids bathed and in bed. Bedtime for them is about 8pm so then the rest of the night is "us" time and household tasks. I try to do more cleaning/laundry on the weekends but it just depends what's going on.

Go easy on yourself. You'll figure out a routine that works for you!

NMMR: How to budget time?

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