Family Matters
MrsFLM
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Little sister pregnant - health visitor questions
Hey,
So my little sister is pregnant. She's 18 and been with her guy for 9 months now. After getting over the initial shock that they started planning for a baby a month into their relationship, things were good for about 2 weeks...
They both now ignore their families unless they want something, so we all have given up trying to help. Instead, we opened a bank account for the baby (girl called Ellie!), which both families put money into every week or so, so that we can buy baby Ellie things she needs safe in the knowledge it's not going towards gadgets and toys (which it was before when we gave them cash). If they are still living in a room of a shared house, we will help with a deposit instead. Just to point out, this place is 3 roads up from my mum's house.
Anyway, my sister has been very sickly throughout her pregnancy. From snippets we've heard from my other sister (the only person that pregnant sister really talks to), it seems she has not been looking after herself, eating junk food, not getting vitamins, not attending any classes. She has lost a lot of weight because apparently she often she skips meals due to lack of money. (We learnt from her Facebook today that she has been given sachets of something, which she says is gross and she isn't going to take anymore - I am assuming these are some kind of vitamin type things?). She also said that she seems very under prepared, having only bought baby clothes, a few bottles, and an £80 changing bag. (We know the cost of the changing bag because she put it on Facebook). She is not working and has recently had a letter through to my mums address from her boss calling for a disciplinary meeting. Despite moaning that they have no money to afford to move out of the shared house, she's just gone and taken out a new contract for an iPhone 6, when she already had a contract for the iPhone below it. We know this because she asked people on Facebook what colour she should get.
My mum found her a thousand pounds worth of all in one push chair (car seat, carrier etc) for £100. She text it to my sister, who replied 3 days later that she didn't like the colour and she wanted mum to buy 'this pink one instead'. Apparently they have been to the council to ask for assistance on living and benefits, but have not followed up. My sister said they had lots of forms to fill in for benefits but they get brushed off with 'we are doing it tomorrow'.
They got engaged at 1 month, and have said they are getting married, however my little sister has said that the pregnant sister has told her that she doesn't and never has loved him and that she just wanted a baby. He is 28, and already had a child, but he split just after the child was born. He swears he won't do this again, and we hope it might give them a slight advantage. They both wear wedding rings despite saying they are not married. We have doubts because they lied to their family about their engagement. It doesn't bother us if they are already married. Love is love. But we don't appreciate the lies. They have lied so much already, that we don't know what is true and what isn't. What if there is a serious 'boy cried wolf' situation in the future?
My other little sister is now having counselling for anxiety, which we have found out is because she's been put under a lot of pressure being the only one that has regular contact. She is expected to keep secrets and witnesses them saying horrible things about the family. Sometimes, as you probably noticed, she comes back from a visit so upset and angry that she just has to say something. It was my little brothers birthday last week and he asked if she would be coming. When he was told no, he said 'thought not. She doesn't care about us anymore'.
Nobody really understands what has happened. My sister was usually a nice girl, albeit very bossy and dramatic! We all very much hope that when the baby arrives, she will mature. We really want everything to work out and fall into place.
The reason why I have gone through this concerning events is because she announced that the health visitor will be paying a visit mid May. This is about 6 weeks before her due date. I have had messages from two friends saying that she should probably remove the post, as often having a health visitor come so early before the due date is not usually a good thing. They've said it's often an indicator that concerns have been raised by doctors, hospitals, midwife, or even a family/friend. Is this true? Could it be that our concerns above has been picked up?
Will the health visitor will be able to help them? What might happen if they don't listen to the health visitor either? Or is this just standard procedure for teen mothers?
So my little sister is pregnant. She's 18 and been with her guy for 9 months now. After getting over the initial shock that they started planning for a baby a month into their relationship, things were good for about 2 weeks...
They both now ignore their families unless they want something, so we all have given up trying to help. Instead, we opened a bank account for the baby (girl called Ellie!), which both families put money into every week or so, so that we can buy baby Ellie things she needs safe in the knowledge it's not going towards gadgets and toys (which it was before when we gave them cash). If they are still living in a room of a shared house, we will help with a deposit instead. Just to point out, this place is 3 roads up from my mum's house.
Anyway, my sister has been very sickly throughout her pregnancy. From snippets we've heard from my other sister (the only person that pregnant sister really talks to), it seems she has not been looking after herself, eating junk food, not getting vitamins, not attending any classes. She has lost a lot of weight because apparently she often she skips meals due to lack of money. (We learnt from her Facebook today that she has been given sachets of something, which she says is gross and she isn't going to take anymore - I am assuming these are some kind of vitamin type things?). She also said that she seems very under prepared, having only bought baby clothes, a few bottles, and an £80 changing bag. (We know the cost of the changing bag because she put it on Facebook). She is not working and has recently had a letter through to my mums address from her boss calling for a disciplinary meeting. Despite moaning that they have no money to afford to move out of the shared house, she's just gone and taken out a new contract for an iPhone 6, when she already had a contract for the iPhone below it. We know this because she asked people on Facebook what colour she should get.
My mum found her a thousand pounds worth of all in one push chair (car seat, carrier etc) for £100. She text it to my sister, who replied 3 days later that she didn't like the colour and she wanted mum to buy 'this pink one instead'. Apparently they have been to the council to ask for assistance on living and benefits, but have not followed up. My sister said they had lots of forms to fill in for benefits but they get brushed off with 'we are doing it tomorrow'.
They got engaged at 1 month, and have said they are getting married, however my little sister has said that the pregnant sister has told her that she doesn't and never has loved him and that she just wanted a baby. He is 28, and already had a child, but he split just after the child was born. He swears he won't do this again, and we hope it might give them a slight advantage. They both wear wedding rings despite saying they are not married. We have doubts because they lied to their family about their engagement. It doesn't bother us if they are already married. Love is love. But we don't appreciate the lies. They have lied so much already, that we don't know what is true and what isn't. What if there is a serious 'boy cried wolf' situation in the future?
My other little sister is now having counselling for anxiety, which we have found out is because she's been put under a lot of pressure being the only one that has regular contact. She is expected to keep secrets and witnesses them saying horrible things about the family. Sometimes, as you probably noticed, she comes back from a visit so upset and angry that she just has to say something. It was my little brothers birthday last week and he asked if she would be coming. When he was told no, he said 'thought not. She doesn't care about us anymore'.
Nobody really understands what has happened. My sister was usually a nice girl, albeit very bossy and dramatic! We all very much hope that when the baby arrives, she will mature. We really want everything to work out and fall into place.
The reason why I have gone through this concerning events is because she announced that the health visitor will be paying a visit mid May. This is about 6 weeks before her due date. I have had messages from two friends saying that she should probably remove the post, as often having a health visitor come so early before the due date is not usually a good thing. They've said it's often an indicator that concerns have been raised by doctors, hospitals, midwife, or even a family/friend. Is this true? Could it be that our concerns above has been picked up?
Will the health visitor will be able to help them? What might happen if they don't listen to the health visitor either? Or is this just standard procedure for teen mothers?
Re: Little sister pregnant - health visitor questions
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
You and your family and his since you are talking to them it sounds like, need to come up with a plan that is health services determines that they aren't fit parents, if someone in the family would be willing to take temporary custody of the child.
I think all you can do is send her messages and cards of encouragement and that you can't wait to meet your new niece in hopes that once the baby is born and she sees what she is in for, that she will feel comfortable contacting you for help.
@Tofumonkey, thanks, that was a great explanation.
OP, I'm sorry to hear about what is going on with your little sister. I know it is hard to see someone you love and care about making such poor decisions. Hopefully becoming a mother will force her to grow up some. I have seen that happen but, of course, it also might not.
I'm glad your family has already realized the wisdom of giving this couple NO CASH. Help the baby if you all choose to, but only tough love for the couple. If they're looking gift horses in the mouth from your mom, buying iPhones, and $120 changing bags...then life hasn't gotten "real" for them yet. And they won't change their ways until it does.
As an aside, I have to throw out my own vent for a sec. I live in a city with a high poverty rate. Yet, ALL the time, I see people buying groceries with their SNAP cards (public assistance for food) while they're chatting/texting away on their fancy $500 phones. When, let's face it, my cheapie $60 one texts, makes/receives calls, and can scour the Internet just as well. It's just nothing to brag about on FB.