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The kid question & MIL issues
Hi ladies!
My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and we both want kids, but not yet. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to answer the question "when are you going to have a baby?" without losing my cool. Especially since it IS something that I want. My mother-in-law has made some comments lately that I find appalling...such as telling my husband to "prove he's a man", and asking him if he's "shooting blanks". I'm a very private person and think it's no one's business. My husband laughs it off and tells me that everyone has to deal with it, and when people get to a certain age and start thinking about their mortality, they get a little pushy with things like this. I can see that, but I don't think I should have to deal with it.
On top of that, we've had a difficult few years. My husband was lied to at his previous job and had money withheld. We had to file a wage complaint with the state and deal with threats, lawyers, and badmouthing to finally get the rest of the money owed to him. We'd like to be a little more financially stable before even thinking about starting a family. His parents know everything we had to deal with, and don't take that into account.
As a final cherry on the top, my MIL demands that my husband kiss her on the lips when we see them, coming and going. I think this is gross, and at a certain age (we're both in our 30s), she could accept a hearty hug and/or a kiss on the cheek. It almost feels a little disrespectful to me as his wife.
I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts....
Re: The kid question & MIL issues
I'm quite confrontational, so every time she made an inappropriate comment I would call her on it. The other thing you can do, is every time she brings up baby, stop, look her in the eye and tell her that the topic is not open for discussion, then change the subject or walk away, again DH has to be part of this solution
I love both responses! I think I need to become a little more confrontational myself, and "shut that shit down"
I have told him that the kissing on the lips bothers me, but he says it's not a big deal...that she's a 60-some year old woman who wasn't too affectionate growing up, and is probably trying to make up for it now.
On the kissing - let that go. It's NOT "disrespectful" to you. She's his MOM - she's not a romantic partner. Is it weird? To many people, yes. I'm not a big kisser w/ other adults. I don't like my FIL kissing me (even on the cheek). I get it. BUT that's entirely between your DH and his mom. It has nothing to do with you - NOTHING.
If you want your DH to hear you when it comes to his mom, you HAVE to pick your battles. The baby talk - that's about you, it affects you, it's rude. That's a battle. Them kissing each other? Let it go.
If you start to get too picky about what she says and does and you tell your DH about it- there will come a point where he's going to stop caring because he's going to feel like his mom can do nothing right in your eyes. If you want him to care, be choosy about what the real issues are.
Thank you all ladies...very good advice here!
I spoke with my hubby and even had a nice little victory: we're looking at buying a house, and put in an offer recently. He told his parents about the offer, and said that out of respect to me and my desire for privacy, he wouldn't go into any other details - especially financials.
I've also gotten better with the baby question. My MIL said we should consider schools, and I changed the subject like a pro.