NMMR: Women in Leadership Careers, seeking advice

Madeline2017 · May 2015

This isn't really MM related, but I have lurked these boards and seen a lot of great feedback thus far and would love some perspective. So here goes:

This week, I accepted a new position that is career and life changing. I will become my organization's next Executive Director in less than a month. It is both exciting and terrifying at the same time. I have been with this organization for 5 years and in many ways feel prepared, but I know it will be a challenge.

1. I am younger than 90% of the staff at the 100 person organization. I know age isn't everything and many of the staff are only 3-4 years older than me, but it's still a concern. Being 29 isn't super young, but it makes me slightly self concious. Fortunately, to date, no one I have managed has made an issue of it.

2. I am taking over for the original founder of the organization. He was visionary, entrepreneurial, charismatic and a very gifted leader. He stayed on for 16 years and is ready to move on to different things and the org is now ready for a stability, instead of startup phase. I was selected because I am consistent, can deliver on measurables, have showed strong leadership in my 15 person department and I have shown commitment. My qualities are very different than the founders though. He hasn't expressed reservations, but I still doubt myself.

3. I worry how this career choice will impact my ability to start a family. I am turning 29 this year and was hoping to have a child by 30. While it's not impossible, I am not naive to the fact that women unfortunately take career penalties for having children (backed by multiple studied). Also, I don't think it would be wise to have a child during my first or second year of being the ED. After that though, it will still be tough to navigate given my husband works full time and the current ED notably said, "good luck trying to use all 15 of your vacation days."

4. I am worried about the staff reaction when the ED announces he is leaving. No one but me and two others know it yet and there will likely be a somewhat rough transition at first. I am preparing mentally, but I have no idea how it will go.

5. I am not really sure how to prepare for this huge of a career change. I currently work about 50-60 hours a week and I know he works more than me, so naturally, j am expecting my hours to increase. The stress level will also go up significantly. I worry how it might even effect my marriage. We have a great relationship now and my husband supports my career move, but its still an unknown.

6. Honestly, as trite as it may sound, I fear how some may accept/not accept me being a female leader. I am currently the only female leadership at our organization and while my boss never questioned me due to gender, there have been comments by others at times. I understand I need to be confidant and move past this though.

I realize that this may be just more of a rant, but I just needed to write it down somewhere since I can't talk about this publicly yet. If any of you have advice it would be appreciated. Otherwise thank you for simply reading.

bparkhur · May 2015

Have you read Lean In? Sandberg addresses several of the issues you bring up. If not, you can always check out her TED talk to decide if you want to read the book (It's called "Why we have too Few Women Leaders." Good luck!

Madeline2017 · May 2015

I have not read that, though I have heard of it. Thank you for the recommendation. I know I am not alone in facing these challenges, but it has been hard to find resources and even mentors that have dealt with this.

bparkhur · May 2015

One of her most valuable pieces of advice, I think, is "don't leave before you leave." In other words, don't NOT take on the challenge just because of fear of how it might affect future choices, like having a baby. You might take on the position and hate it--and there's no shame in that! The pervading mythology of American culture is that we must always "move up." If you find the work/life balance gets out of whack in ways that are detrimental to your health and happiness, there's no reason why you can't step down! On the other hand, you might find your fears are unjustified, and things go much more smoothly than expected. Definitely read the book--I think you'll benefit a lot from it!

smerka · May 2015

I worked in a male dominated field. I don't ever remember a time when I wasn't respected. I may have been oblivious but it also helped that I knew what I was talking about. So even if I didn't have respect at first, I earned it. And these were older construction workers, who are not known for being tolerant.

short+sassy · May 2015

Madeline2017 said:
This isn't really MM related, but I have lurked these boards and seen a lot of great feedback thus far and would love some perspective. So here goes:

This week, I accepted a new position that is career and life changing. I will become my organization's next Executive Director in less than a month. It is both exciting and terrifying at the same time. I have been with this organization for 5 years and in many ways feel prepared, but I know it will be a challenge.

1. I am younger than 90% of the staff at the 100 person organization. I know age isn't everything and many of the staff are only 3-4 years older than me, but it's still a concern. Being 29 isn't super young, but it makes me slightly self concious. Fortunately, to date, no one I have managed has made an issue of it.

The difference between 29 and 32-33 is really negligible. I couldn't imagine a 33-year-old saying, "Wow, I can't believe the young 29-year-old whipper snapper became the ED and I didn't." With that said, I'm sure there are some in the organization who are much older than you. But you are being chosen for a reason that I'm sure they (or most of them) will respect also.
2. I am taking over for the original founder of the organization. He was visionary, entrepreneurial, charismatic and a very gifted leader. He stayed on for 16 years and is ready to move on to different things and the org is now ready for a stability, instead of startup phase. I was selected because I am consistent, can deliver on measurables, have showed strong leadership in my 15 person department and I have shown commitment. My qualities are very different than the founders though. He hasn't expressed reservations, but I still doubt myself.
This actually makes perfect sense. His personality was perfect for when the org was a start-up. Now, he is no longer the best person for the job or it no longer interests him or both. Now the org needs the stability and consistency that are your core qualities. And I bet he doubts himself also, but he is a strong charismatic leader who hides his insecurities well . Perhaps that is something you can learn from.
For example, my DH and I are history buffs and we always find it interesting how the best generals in wartime are often complete freaks in peace time and don't know what to do with themselves.

3. I worry how this career choice will impact my ability to start a family. I am turning 29 this year and was hoping to have a child by 30. While it's not impossible, I am not naive to the fact that women unfortunately take career penalties for having children (backed by multiple studied). Also, I don't think it would be wise to have a child during my first or second year of being the ED. After that though, it will still be tough to navigate given my husband works full time and the current ED notably said, "good luck trying to use all 15 of your vacation days."
If possible, probably a good idea to wait 1-2 years. Nothing wrong with that, you'll still be in your early 30s. The current ED can say whatever he wants. If he had a sudden heart attack and needed to be out for 3 months, the org would continue on. When you are ready to have a baby, you are ready to have a baby. If you need to be on bed rest for four months (hopefully not!), you need to be on bed rest for four months. The org will find a way to continue on and your job is protected by the FMLA. The fact of the matter is, people so often think they are indispensable and no one is.

4. I am worried about the staff reaction when the ED announces he is leaving. No one but me and two others know it yet and there will likely be a somewhat rough transition at first. I am preparing mentally, but I have no idea how it will go.
I'm sure it will be a shock for everyone. It seems like it is still a shock for you. The best I can suggest is to work with the current ED and the two others to prepare a solid game plan for the staff of how the transition will happen, what will stay the same, what will improve, what will be different. The scariest part for staff during a major upheaval is not knowing what is going to be happening.

5. I am not really sure how to prepare for this huge of a career change. I currently work about 50-60 hours a week and I know he works more than me, so naturally, j am expecting my hours to increase. The stress level will also go up significantly. I worry how it might even effect my marriage. We have a great relationship now and my husband supports my career move, but its still an unknown.
Sounds like a tough road! Honestly, not a job I'd want for any salary. But the fact that we are all different is what makes the world go round . You and your DH need a gameplan also. Perhaps it will be time to hire a housekeeper or someone like that to help with daily/weekly tasks you won't have time for. Establish a weekly date night with DH..preferably an "off" enough day/time that it can't be interrupted by phone calls/work obligations. Start now learning "de-stress" techniques. I especially like mini ones that only take a few minutes. Like closing my eyes, letting all the stress ooze away, and breath deeply for a few minutes. It's amazing how something as simple as that can help center you and keep you at peace.
6. Honestly, as trite as it may sound, I fear how some may accept/not accept me being a female leader. I am currently the only female leadership at our organization and while my boss never questioned me due to gender, there have been comments by others at times. I understand I need to be confidant and move past this though.

I realize that this may be just more of a rant, but I just needed to write it down somewhere since I can't talk about this publicly yet. If any of you have advice it would be appreciated. Otherwise thank you for simply reading.
What's that old joke? Women have to work twice as hard to get half the respect. Still so true sometimes, isn't it? Though I think its getting better. And you're right. Confidence in yourself and your abilities, doing a great job...will prove yourself to any naysayers.
Good luck and congrats on your promotion!

brij2006 · May 2015

First off, congratulations on this amazing opportunity and promotion.

I am a department lead in a male driven company and industry. I am one of the very few female agents who shows up at trainings and conferences. It is definitely intimidating. However, you have to know that you are receiving this because of your qualities and attributes. They see something in you, and obviously the existing ED does too. You have to remember that when it comes to this type of stuff. Don't allow the other politics of the company and what "has been," get in your way of succeeding.

Now, as far as the getting pregnant part. My H and I started TTC 8 months after I received my promotion. Unfortunately for us, it took 15 months to get pregnant and many doctors appointments throughout that. I will admit that it has changed my role a bit now that I've had my daughter and am back to work. There are many questions and comments about me wanting to stay home with her instead of working, but I continue to reassure them that I am a career woman and this is where I belong (I go crazy at home). While at work, I do not talk much about her. I am all business, productivity, and department lead. I've found it's the only way to show that this is where all of my attention is while I'm there, and being a mother has not come in the way of that.

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