WWMMD: roommate

beetee123 · June 2015

My SO and I live in a two bedroom, two bathroom apartment that is about 1,100 sq. ft. We are currently using the second bedroom as an office, but we don't have a ton of stuff in there.

SO is working full time, but is hoping to go to part time when he starts his masters program in the fall. I will be starting my full time job in the next few weeks after just graduating in May. With me working full time, SO will be able to go to part time, but things will be tight with student loan payments. He is willing to stay at full time at least for the beginning of his program.

Recently, one of our close friends has showed interest in possibly moving in with us. This would knock about $600 off of our bills, which would essentially cover our student loan payments. If my SO continued to work full time for even a few more months, we could build a great cushion while paying our debts off faster.

Our only real hesitation is that we have had a bad roommate experience in the past. We have been living together for two years. The first year a roommate lived with us, and he was pretty terrible. He didn't clean up after himself, and we basically had to force him to pay bills on time. This past year of living alone has been great, and we like having plenty of space. We have discussed staying in this smaller apartment for one year to see how it works, and then discussing moving to a bigger place once our lease is up with all three of us.

So is that extra $600/month with the possibility of paying down debt a lot faster worth giving up some of our comfort for a little while? I figure even if we decide to move into a bigger place with the guy in a year, at least there will be two floors and plenty of space to spread out.

hoffse · June 2015

The MM answer is yes, you should do it.

Personally, I would not. I like having privacy, and at a certain point I would be done with roommates. I lived in a 2 bed/2 bath apartment by myself while H was finishing law school in a different city. It was not the most MM-decision ever, but I could afford it, and I have no regrets.

But I'm guessing most people will tell you to do it.

abrewer5 · June 2015

Eh if they had a separate bathroom I would say sure. I absolutely wouldn't share a bathroom with anyone else, but H. But it all comes down to how much you value your privacy versus the $600 you could get from having a roommate. Also, be prepared to face the same headaches as you did with the last roommate. It may not happen, but you should be prepared just in case it does.

IMO- I would probably do it if we had a second full bath and I could trust the person fully. H & I actually considered it when we first starting house hunting, but we only have 1 full bath in our house.

beetee123 · June 2015

Yup, we definitely could never share a bathroom. I've already started scoping out townhomes in our area for future reference, and we automatically knocked out any that didn't have 2 bathrooms.

I think with our last roommate things were a bit different. I'm a control freak, so I honestly prefer being the one that does the majority of the housework. It just bothered me that his bathroom was cleaned TWICE in the 12 months he lived with us, and I did it both times.

I think it was also an issue of personality. My SO was friends with our ex-RM from work, and we probably should have gotten to know him a bit better outside of work. He turned out to be this ultra-sexist, old fashioned, total asshole, and that just doesn't work for me. I don't do a majority of the cooking and cleaning because I'm a woman, I do it because I want things clean....lol /endrant

AprilZ81 · June 2015

I would do it under the right circumstances for $600 a month. I had roommates for several years before DH and I moved in together. The extra money was great.

That being said, you need to have ground rules to keep everyone (mostly) happy. I would write out a roommate agreement in addition to the lease. Spell out who cleans what, who cooks what meals, if the roommate is responsible for his/her own meals, is any food in the house fair game, having parties over, etc. Talking all of those things over in advance means that there should be fewer awkward conversations later.

You can always put a trial agreement in place. Give it a shot for 6 months and then reevaluate.

brij2006 · June 2015

I would, but I was that person who used to live with a family and rented out a room in their home. It was MM for me as well as them. I wouldn't have found a cheaper place to live by myself, didn't have to worry about it being less safe living alone, and I was able to sign a shorter lease than an apartment complex would allow me.

As long as you view it as a business transaction and lay out the rules of the space, I see no problem with it. Have the friend sign a lease that is agreed upon between the 3 of you, and see how it goes.

beetee123 · June 2015

Yeah, we would definitely want more ground rules this time around. Last time, it was sort of a clean up after yourself kind of thing, but that other guy didn't realize that included doing his own dishes and such.

There was also an issue with food. How did you handle those types of situations in the past with roommates? We started out buying groceries for everyone and splitting them. I would cook for everyone, and everyone had access to everything. Then he decided to buy his own, but thought he should still also have access to ours lol.

AprilZ81 · June 2015

beetee123 said:

Yeah, we would definitely want more ground rules this time around. Last time, it was sort of a clean up after yourself kind of thing, but that other guy didn't realize that included doing his own dishes and such. There was also an issue with food. How did you handle those types of situations in the past with roommates? We started out buying groceries for everyone and splitting them. I would cook for everyone, and everyone had access to everything. Then he decided to buy his own, but thought he should still also have access to ours lol.

What I did was clear out space in the fridge, freezer and pantry for the roommate. Then the roommate was responsible for cooking her own meals. You didn't eat the roommates food without asking.

Be prepared if you buy for everyone that your roommate could go through an entire bag of chips not just the "one third" that is theirs. So be sure to label anything that the roommate can't have.

One way around that is to say "included in your rent is 5 dinners a week" the other meals are on their own. Then build that additional cost into the payment.

Again, this is a "whatever works for you" situation, just be sure you are all clear on what the agreement is.

short+sassy · June 2015

I literally moved halfway across the country...away from all my friends and family and the only area I'd ever lived in...just so I could afford to live without a roommate after graduating from college, lol. And I even had great roommates in college.

I am joking a bit, it wasn't the only reason. But moving from a high cost of living area (HCOL) to a LCOL was definitely a factor and I was excited to finally be able to live on my own. I've never looked back.

But it's really up to your and your husband's comfort level. $600/month is a nice extra chunk of change, especially if money will be tight.

I think most people are pretty good about paying their bills, especially their mortgage or rent. And I say that as having had tons of roommates in college and am currently a landlady. But, as you saw, when it goes bad it goes ugly. Especially with friends.

So now, because I spend way too much time on real estate investing (rei) boards lol, I'm going to really nerd out on you below.

If you all move forward, are you all going to sign a new lease with the complex or is he going to be subletting from you all? If it is the latter, you need to make sure it is kosher with the complex. Though, the vast majority of the time, they will require the three of you to sign a new lease. If he will be on the apartment lease, write up a roommate agreement amongst the three of you.

However, if he will be subletting, I recommend having an actual lease amongst the three of you. In this situation, you all will basically be his landlord.

I'd collect a security deposit from him, either way. Either one month of his portion of rent or one third of the security deposit you all have with the apartment.

You can find examples of both a roommate agreement and sublet leases online. I'm not promising they will be particularly binding...that would take going to a real estate attorney to draw up your lease...but it is at least something to bring to small claims court if there is a worst case scenario.

Hopefully and probably everything will go well. But, if he becomes a hassle. You all just don't like him as a roommate or he starts flaking on paying. Talk to him about him moving out. Usually all it takes is a conversation. Don't let non-payment of bills and rent slide. It will only get worse as time goes on.

Not a lawyer, no legal advice.

beetee123 · June 2015

Our landlord would allow us to sublet to him, so that's what we would do. We thought about just moving into a new place all together since our lease is up in august, but decided it would be better if we have more control since we will be on the actual lease. If it does end up working out we would put him on or actual lease.

I figured we would basically write up a guideline for rules and when money is due. I'll continue to pay all of our bills like I always have, because our bills have basically remained the same since our roommate moved out anyway, so I don't expect a huge increase.

I don't see him having a huge problem with paying things on time, especially if it's as simple as giving me $600/month or $300/two weeks. Even our exRM would eventually pay, I just needed to remind him constantly that things were due. It's a lot different now because back then we sort of needed the income while now it's just extra.

simplyelise · June 2015

I wouldn't do it personally. DH and I are 100% opposed to living with anyone else ever unless they are our children lol. We also currently live in a 2BR/1BA and that bath is super small, so it would be a hard no.

But $600 is a whooooooole lot. Do you just live in a high COL area? I'd probably downsize before I brought in a border.

beetee123 · June 2015

Yeah, we could never do it if there was only one bathroom, or if our apartment was set up differently. Our apartment floor plan was basically designed for roommates. The bedrooms are on complete opposite sides of the apartment, separated by the entire living space. One bedroom has a bathroom on suite, the other bathroom is right next to the second bedroom.

$600 is a lot, which is why it makes it tempting! We live in a relatively HCOL area. It's complicated because we live in the "crappiest" town in our county, but in a really nice community. Our rent is about $1,100/month, but utilities are outrageous in this area. I'm talking like $100+ for our water bill and over $200 for electric if we are heating or using the AC. Our community does offer one bedrooms, but they charge $900+ for one, which doesn't make sense since we pay $200 more for a two bedroom. We have to stay in this area for school and work, but moving outside of our current town, even a studio apartment would cost the same or more as our current apartment.

brij2006 · June 2015

Okay, I'll give you another scenario. For background, I lived in the suburbs of Chicago for 3 years. So HCOL for tiny crappy places.

My first apartment was a 2 bed, 2 bath like you are talking about (living area separating the 2). My roommates were a newlywed couple. Everything was on your own. We had separate shelves in the pantry, cupboards, and refrigerator. Usually once a week one of us would cook a dinner and plan for the others to join and eat. For the most part we split that. Mondays I cooked, Thursdays they cooked. Other nights we were to fend for ourselves.
Cleaning was a shared as well. We actually made a cleaning chart for each week, and would split the tasks among the 3 of us. All dishes and laundry were do your own.

To this day I fly to visit that couple once a year, and they fly to see me once a year. She was also my maid of honor in my wedding, and I was in the delivery room when her son was born. I blame that on us making our living situation very black and white, so it didn't affect our friendship.

beetee123 · June 2015

That is great advice! I feel like we could have a relationship more like this with our friend vs. how things were with our exRM.

My SO and I will talk to over more during dinner tonight, and perhaps we can make him an offer. It's not like we have to move, we are resigning our lease regardless, so he has time to mull it over as well.

als1982 · June 2015

I'd rather downsize my housing than take on a roommate. Saving $200 bucks by going to a one bedroom is still a chunk of change. $400 isn't worth the risk of my sanity, happiness and health of my marriage.

hoffse · June 2015

als1982 said:

I'd rather downsize my housing than take on a roommate. Saving $200 bucks by going to a one bedroom is still a chunk of change. $400 isn't worth the risk of my sanity, happiness and health of my marriage.

yeah, the more I think about it, I really do agree with this.

Some things in life are worth paying for. I hear you on the small difference between 1 bedroom and 2 bedroom, but in your case I might downsize and scrap the roommate idea. I kept a second bedroom because my parents visited often during that time, but if I had been tighter on money I would have gone to a 1 bedroom before taking on a roommate. I don't think $400/month would be enough to make me want to take the plunge with that.

But if you do it, I like the ground rules thing. Very important to make sure the boundaries are clear at the outset.

MommyLiberty5013 · June 2015

I would only do this is if you treated it as a business deal and not a friendship deal. Meaning it all gets written on paper and signed. You bullet point all dos and don'ts ahead of time and you are anal retentive about the details instead of taking an, "Eh we'll wait and see approach."

vlagrl29 · June 2015

I wouldn't - I love my space and privacy maybe because I was an only child.

Erikan73 · June 2015

As a person who is finally getting rid of a roommate, I'm going to say don't do it. but here are some pro's and con's

Con

Loss of privacy
Loss of space (where will you put office furniture & other things you have stored in that room, plus the convenience of the 2nd bathroom & you'll lose space in fridge too)
You can't count on the full $600 to go towards bills because your utilities will go up a little with having a roommate
Lossing a private space where husband can go and just close the door to study. With losing the office he'll take over the dining room table and/or living room which then interfers what you want to do

Pro

Financial assistance

If you are going to do it, just make sure you have in writing with the roommate the rules of the home, like is smoking allowed, food expectations (only eat what you buy or is everything open to anyone), when rent is due, etc. Basically an informal lease but at least it's out there up front what you expect and what is ok.

csuave · June 2015

I like the idea of trying it for 6 months.

DH has been unemployed going on a year and a half. I felt rental income would be welcome for our guest bed and bath. We eventually agreed to rent to an out of the country visitor for 2 months. 2 months went by fast but gave us a feel for what we thought of having someone in the house.

Now his severance has run out and we are living off my income only and savings. We are still comfortable but I have no idea how long his unemployment will last and am taking a conservative view. We put our guest room/bath on AirBnB to get a little extra income. This way we will only have people when we choose and for short durations. Do you live in a desirable AirBnB area? That could be another option.

formerlyGDaisy09 · June 2015

we lived with a roommate up to our wedding (she wound-up staying for a month after our wedding, despite us being extrememly clear that we only wanted a roommate until 6 weeks before our wedding, she was pushy, I was too nice, we don't talk anymore, despite the fact that we were fairly good friends).

The financial side was great, but once we were married I had no desire to share our space on a permanent baisis.

we have hosted some medical students on short rotations at the academic medical center near by, which is nice for some extra cash (we used money from one to help fund our roof last year and Christmas). But it is not something I would never want to depend on. and living with friends can strain otherwise fantastic relationships.

Sisugal · June 2015

I would not do it -- instead I would take a second PT job and let your SO work PT while in school. (You work a FT and PT job). Also look at your budget and see where you can cut back -- or even consider a cheaper apartment. Post your budget for suggestions if you are willing to share financial details.

WWMMD: roommate

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