Family Matters
Chichi92
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is this woman preying on my underage brother in law?
Okay so here's the backstory to my current situation,
My fiancé's sixteen year old brother just started dating this girl. I didn't think much of it at first until I lurked on his IG page being nosey after seeing a picture he posted of himself while he was babysitting my two month old son (his nephew).
So anyway, I see a picture of him and the girl kissing so I go to her profile and discover a few things that don't sit well with me. One she's twenty five, has a five year old son with her ex who's in prison and spends her time chasing behind a sixteen year old in high school AND she tatted his name on her arm and refers to him as her "husband"
I bring it up with my fiancé and he brushes it off saying "it's not a big deal, she's a woman what is she going to do?" And it started a big argument between us because I found that statement very sexist. After bringing up how he'd feel if our son brought home a grown woman with a baby in the future he got an attitude and brushed me off again.
Since it was my Fiancé's brother and he didn't make a big deal I let the situation go UNTIL this woman began posting about having baby fever and couldn't wait for my future bro in law to graduate so they can start their lives together and that was very disturbing to me so I brought it up again this time to my bro in law stating I felt she was preying on him like men do on young girls and he grew upset saying "This is why I didn't tell my mom because y'all are over dramatic".
Am I in the wrong for being concerned about his future? I don't want him to get caught up and trapped with this woman because of his immaturity, I feel like she's using him and his grades have been slipping. Even his twin brother has said he felt as though she was trying to lure him away from his family and make him play daddy to her son, he also pointed out he didn't get a good vibe from her and that's why he's been distancing himself away from his twin (they're usually joined at the hip and now not so much)
Is she preying on my brother in law or am I overreacting? His mother knows about the girl but he told her she was seventeen and she's okay with it!
I'm in need of some advice *sigh* I feel like he's setting himself up for failure. I've been in his life since he was ten and I want what's best for him without seeming overbearing.
Re: Is this woman preying on my underage brother in law?
This would be a hill for me to die on too
Shockingly, this may not be true. If you are in the U.S., it depends on what state he lives in. But many states have made the age of consent 16. Some of them have an additional stipulation that, although the age of consent is 16 (or 17), the other party has to be under 21 (or under 25, etc.).
This is utterly horrifying. Horrifying. Bad enough to have an affair with a teenager, but what kind of POS talks about the day they are going to saddle a newly minted HS graduate with a baby and marriage...like its such an awesome idea. Doubly chilling this warped individual already has a 5-year-old.
I truly cannot explain why your FI's family is so nonchalant with their heads in the sand. His mother is really the one who needs to wake up and see what is going on. I think the only course of action you can take is to have a sit down with this boy.
Don't even try to get him to break up with her, he will only shut you out. In fact, I'd even start off by acknowledging you realize how much he cares for Ms. Crazy Robinson and you see they are pretty serious together. But then paint a picture of how much better their life together will be if he will wait just a bit to go to college/trade school before they do anything permanent like getting married or having a child together. Of course, secretly, you will be hoping that with some growing up on his part, he will see her for the pathetic predator that she is.
Or maybe the 14-year-old down her street will get a shiny red bike and she will lose interest. Sorry, I just couldn't help the snarky comment!
No 25 year old should be dating a 16 year old.
Tell them she is 25, if they do not know --- and tell his parents straight away that they have to tell their son the relationship is over.
First of all, this relationship may be illegal depending on the laws in your area. Even if it's consenting, that doesn't mean it's legal. And if it is illegal, if she gets pregnant, he won't have a say if charges are brought up against her or not. The hospital I think would be required to report the information to the authorities .
I wouldn't try to discourage the relationship because kids that age will do it because everyone is telling them not to. I'm not saying that's it's ok and I agree, his mother should know the situation. But maybe try to convince your husband it's time for him to have a man to man talk with his little brother about the importance of using protection and not just depending on the women to use birth control. If your husband tells to him that havinga kid is great but to have the responsibility 24/7 along with the financial responsibility is huge and without a good education (either college or vocational) he'll have a hard time in life. Bascially the good, the bad and ugly of having kids. So to be safe until he's ready for that responsibility. Which is good advice for him no matter who he dates.
Hopefully then as time goes on, she'll get bored with him & move on, or he'll want someone closer to his own age. But as long as everyone keeps fighting him on it, he's going to fight back and stay with her even if he wants to end it because he won't want to admit to everyone that he was wrong & you were all right.
No 16 year old is ready for a relationship with a 25 year old who has a child.
Where is his mother? She should be telling that young lady that she is not welcome to date her son and his mother needs to tell him she is off limits.
Do her best to make sure that no more interaction occurs between either one of them. We all know there are burner phones, FB, email and other ways to get in touch with somebody so it's going to be tough to enforce the rule that he cannot see her anymore.
Hoping this relationship ends before the young lady catches pregnant -- then you'll really have a great big mess on your hands. GL.