stressful situation. help me maintain sanity

chasemamabear · June 2015

Ladies I am VERY stressed tight now and need to vent. If any of you have any advice I would greatly appreciate it. This is long and complicated so I will try and break it down as simply as I can.

My family and I share a home with my mother since neither of us is in a very good financial situation. My mom is on disability and was receiving minimal support from my dad with whom she has bee separated from for 8 years. They never divorced bcs my mom would lose her health benefits. Anyways, last week my dad emailed her stating he can no longer pay her support (half of her imcome) by the end of august. This now means that we all need to move ASAP and my mom doesn't have enough income to live off of (but also doesn't qualify for welfare). There was never a legal written agreement between them so there is nothing that can be done in time before we have to move.

That leads me to my second problem...I am 32 weeks pregnant right now amd will have to pack up my entire house and move either right before or after I give birth. Neither is a good situation and I hate every second of it. We are having a very difficult time finding anything we can afford as is, forget my income decrease bcs of maternity leave. I get a year off, I would go back to work early but the cost of childcare would not be worth it.

This also leads me to another big decision. Neither my husband nor myself make a good amount of money. We both graduated college but he has been f**ked around by his jobs and I graduated with my ECE (which I now hate). I am considering taking a 1 year online course to help me obtain a full time job that brings in decent money. I would qualify for financial assistance so that isn't my concern. My concern is trying to do school full time with a newborn, 2 year old and a 4 year old who is just starting kindergarten.

All of this would happen within 1 month. It is soooo overwhelming and my head is spinning

do any of you have any insight into my situation? Any suggestions? Thanks

kittenwine · June 2015

Do you live in Canada, by any chance? If you're parents have been living apart for that long then they are already considered separated (that's the case for my parents and we live in Canada). Which means that your mom might qualify for more government assistance, and possibly health benefits too.

Are there any community organizations that help people find affordable housing where you live? If you are unsure you could always contact a local family crisis center for guidance. This is what my mom did when she was looking to move her and my brother. She was placed in a "geared to income" apartment which was made affordable for her on a part time retail salary.

If you have your ECE certifications would you consider opening a home daycare once your newborn is a little older?

If you are set on taking the online course, could you mom watch your kids for a couple hours a day? That way you would be able to have a few hours of uninterrupted time for your work.

Has your husband considered looking for another job through an employment agency or career counselling? Where I live there are many agencies that offer free help for people looking for a job.

Good luck!

ramstein1027 · June 2015

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry you're going through all of that at once!

First, take a deep breath. You can handle anything that comes your way, I promise.

Second, deal with first things first: housing. Are you at a place where you could potentially get your security deposit back and put that towards a deposit on a new place? Have you explained the situation to your landlord? If you've been a good renter, they might be less inclined to kick out a very pregnant woman or a woman with a newborn infant out on the street. That could potentially buy you an extra month or two.

What state are you in (or are you in Canada? I forget...)? Do they have WIC programs where you are? You say your mom doesn't qualify for welfare, but what about food stamps? There are lots of different programs to look into, I would contact your local government agencies to find out more about your and your mom's options.

Then you have the long-term issues of the online course. I think it sounds like a great option and could secure a more stable financial future, so if there's any way your H or mom could help you with the kids during that one year, it would pay off in spades.

You can do this!

xxjen015 · June 2015

Deep breaths! Does your mom work? You didn't really mention that. I know you said what your dad gave her was half of her income. Do either she or H work a job where they could help with the children while you're doing the online course? I think that the online course is a great option for you, especially if it will help you guys financially when you're finished, and you'll be happier with it.

I agree with what @ramstein1027 said about your landlord. Talk to him. I have a friend who was renting a townhouse with her sister, then her sister decided to move out and she was going to have to leave. Her landlord agreed to knock a certain amount off her rent each month and when she got her tax refund, there was a certain amount she'd pay him to make up for that. It can't hurt to ask.

Good luck! Keep us updated!

sjs1013 · June 2015

I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. Hugs to you!

chasemamabear · June 2015

@kittenwine

I am in Canada. My mom contacted ODSP and is waiting to hear back but they basically told her that IF she qualifies, it could take up to 6 months to receive any funding. We need to move in 2. She also contacted our welfare system and they brushed her off saying there is nothing she can get from them. They didn't offer any other suggestions either.

My mom also called our government housing program and the wait list is currently 10-15 years. They just told her to call ODSP (which she had already done)

Even though I graduated with my ECE, unfortunately after the fact they created an annual fee that I was unable to afford so I am not allowed to work as or call myself an ECE even though I have the education. Also, the size of apartment we could afford would be too small for daycare.

My mom may be able to watch the kids as I do the school program but it depends on how far apart from each other we end up moving as neither of us drive. My hubby does but he is gone for work most days from 630 am to 645pm with commute.

My hubby works 5-6 days a week generally from 730 am - 6 Pm. I really don't see how he could get another job. I honestly wouldn't want him to pick up another job. It would be too much for him and we would NEVER see him

Thank you for all of the advice you have offered

chasemamabear · June 2015

@ramstein1027

Where we live we cannot get our deposit back but my mom will be speaking with the landlord at the end of the month. She wants to wait to hear back from ODSP first before discussing it with him. She wants to know what's going on first incase we have to give notice. We honestly have the world's best landlord and have a great relationship with him but I doubt he will drop rent fees. He is retired and elderly, he was going to sell the house but we have a family friend who knew him and convinced him to keep it and rent it to us. He will probably just want to sell.

I have been very seriously looking into the course. I have found several colleges with the course I can apply to and I've got my high school transcript being put together. I spoke with financial aid as well. I will have to make an apt to speak with the registration office at the closest college to me as I really don't remember when/how to apply. I also have to go into the financial aid office to reset my financial aid account and discuss things with them. The more I look into the more I want to do it. It could really help my family right from the start and has a lot of room for growth. Also a lot of options as to where I can work.

Thank you!

chasemamabear · June 2015

@xxjen015

My mom cannot work. She is physically incapable of doing so. She may be able to help me watch the kids but as I said in a previous reply, it depends on where we all move. Either way I have everyone's support 100% for song the course

Thanks

kittenwine · June 2015

Wow, I can;t believe the wait lists are that long! And when I suggested your H get another job, I meant leave this one and find a new job, not a second one! That would be really tough. Good luck, and keep us posted.

chasemamabear · June 2015

We couldn't believe the wait list either! It's insane!

My hubby would love to get a different job but we get really good health benefits through his job and I don't get any with mine so if he quit we would be a Min. Of 3 months without health insurance. I hope that if I can get this diploma I will work in an environment in which I can get benefits and that would allow my hubby to find something better as well. I am hoping to take a year course in medical office assisting.